This is learning too.

Hundreds of students walked out of their classrooms last friday in protest against everything about the Arroyo government. Mainly, they're crying out against the oil-deregulation law, R-vat and the high cost of education. I am not really doing anything that day, so I walked in on them.

Sceptics would say some of these kids are just doing it for fun, you know, trip lang; then let me tell you this, there is nothing fun in walking under the 2pm sun from UST to Plaza Miranda. Remember, this is a generation raised in convenience. Why read when you can search the net? Why use the landline when you can text? Instant noodles, instant messaging, instant everything. Why be there when you can stroll in an air-conditioned mall? Being there is not convenient for them. Them being there is already impressive.

The police estimated the crowd to be around 200. I think it was way more than that. The whole stretch of Morayta was almost full of people. But I must say, they are still not that many, especially if you compare them to the crowd that watched the UAAP opening live. I think they have to work more to awaken other students fire. But for now, atleast they are watching; atleast, they are noticing.

So this is the run down of their program. The music of ethnioc durms is contiually playing at the background. Some artists made the stage backdrop on the spot with the face of Gloria with worms, then there was a lot of chanting lead by three people from different youth organizations. There was roll-call of schools that were present and each school representative said a line or two. There was a performance by the UP Repertory, a number by a group of Filipino-Americans and a rock band, a militant rock band. Some speeches by key person, the most notable being Rep. Satur Ocampo, and then more chanting. So it isn't that different from any school programs I've been to. Heck, it's defenitely more entertaining than a lot of school presentations and far more educational than some of my class lectures.

I know waht a lot of people are saying, especially the elders ones. These kids shouldn't be on the streets, they should be in their classrooms studying. They are wasting their parents' money. But these kids are right, this is learning too. And what they can learn here is far more important than what they can learn inside a classroom. For one thing, it teaches them to care beyond themselves, to care what is happening to their country; not just to get a degree and ditch the country for good, which is ofcourse what most parents want them to do. It opens their eyes and minds to the injustices that are prevalent in this country and then teach them that they can do something about it. The UP Repertory said it: nothing is going to happen is we just cope and cope with the problem, we had been hoping since spanish times yet our situation is still the same. We should solve the problem and demand our officials to find ways to solve it.

I remember one catty remark from a grandmother a few months back while a group of student protesters were passing the jeepney we are in, she said " What the hell these kids are doing; do they think if they are the president, they can do something?" Ofcourse, she is the same grandmother whines everyday because of their cursed poverty. As to her question, what the heck, the economist can't do anything about maybe these kids can. After all, they still have their values intact. And most importantly, they still believe that this country can be save, that this country is worthy to be saved. Right now, they are taking their sentiments to the streets; calling on their fellow students and urging their elders; we have a problem, we have to do something about it, we can't just roll over and die.

Ofcourse, rallies and protest actions are not the solution to the problem. At the very best they are publicity stunts so that other people, especially those in power, will give attention to the problem. They also serve as a form of check and balance so that officials will know that the public is watching their every move and always ready to cry "foul" if their actions do not benefit the public. It is democracy at work.

For these, student-protestors; the streets are equal to their other classrooms. Just like in ordinary classrooms; the true test if you learned something is when you apply what you learned in the real world. You are fighting against corruption, you want the thieves and the hooligans to leave the government. You don't like selfish officials; more so dishonest, immoral ones. Then be the opposite of those people you are against. You're disgusted by the partisan selection of government appointees; when it is time for you to select your leaders, select them well, moreover educate others on how to select well. Imbibe the virtues that our politicians have forgotten. Lead not just with your words but also with your actions. Study, it is the responsible thing to do and it is what is expected of you. After all you are demanding government leaders to be responsible and to do the job that is expected of them. Especially in these hard times, study harder. So that somehow, someday; when you are ripe and have completed your learning, maybe you can find the way to save this country; beyond crying out in the street.

p.s.

I just can't help thinking, if that number of people fought for anti-smoking, then it would truly be revolutionary. just a thought.

Peace, Love and Go USTe!

Ahh... the drumbeats of school spirit are still banging in my head. I like.

Bhubhu and I watched the UAAP opening last Saturday at Araneta. I wasn't that excited at first, I mean I've watched nearly a dozen uaap openings, it is just an hour long of dance performances, a few speeches, the parade of players and their awkward pledge of something (sportsmanship?), and UST receiving the trophies for junior and senior over-all championship. Good thing UST would be playing in the second game. Mostly, I'm just thrilled to see Araneta for the first time. (I know, it's so probinsyana but until Bhubhu went to UP, Quezon city was so foreign to me!)

Anyway, I totally did not anticipate the eight school bands being there. I know they would be there, it is the opening ceremonies afterall, I just did not expect how intense it was that they are all there( I'm not sure but I did not feel the presence of Ateneo). It was fun. The UE band was banging non-stop, the FEU cheerers were entertaining with their movements and it was totally fun to see the UP gallery imitating them(OK, including me, it was so cute!)

So, the ceremony started and I must say, it must be the best opening I've watched. It was totally smooth, no awkward moments, very entertaining and really innovative. So snap snaps for UP. (Bhubhu said it would have been more fun if they set the UP president on fire. She doesn't like her and her TOFI policies.) Anyway what I liked best were the parade of the players, which included players for different disciplines and not just basketball, and the pledge which is taped; effectively eliminating the awkwardness of reciting it live by someone who is not a good speaker in any way. But my favorite part is when they awarded the trophies to UST and the whole gallery went "go uste", that cheer has strong unifying powers. hehe.

Moving on to the first game, its FEU vs. Adamson. By this time, Bhubhu and I left the UP side and went to UST(we are totally going to have problems come cheer dance time.) I wanted to cheer for FEU since I know they are the better team but Bhubhu suggested to cheer for ADU, the underdogs for a change. I looked forward in imitating the FEU cheerers but I realized that I know the ADU chants better so Lets Go Falcons, Lets Go! It turned out to be an exciting game, FEU was leading for the most part then Adamson grabbed the lead on the fourth and it really looked like there would be an upset but FEU drilled a 3, ADU made some mistakes on dealing with it, seriously they should not have gone for a 3, a 2-point goal would be OK, after all everybody loves overtime. So FEU won, but still, it was very exciting; ADU deserves some snaps.

And now, my growling tigers entered the court. I really love this team. I don't have a crush in any one of them, but I love them.(OK, I think Mirza is handsome, not pretty boy like Ababou, but gwapo, model-gwapo, but that is a totally different discussion.) It was actually thrilling to see them. You see, it wasn't thrilling to see them in school, they're tall so you almost always notice them but it doesn't have the giddy effect. But then again, when I was in school they were not champions so they were not that popular and it was a different team really (their free-throw stats would definitely tell you they are a different team!) Anyway, the last time I watched a live game was in my first year so it was a really long time ago and in Makati Coliseum (I even had to drag my brother from his thesis so we can watch the game.) as I've said Araneta Cubao was not really part of my world. Argh...but it was so intense, I was shouting and moving for 2 hours straight. I don't think I have ever shouted that much my whole life. It's really different when you have the drum line behind you and a thousand or so people shouting with you, your adrenaline shoots up to the roof, unlike at home when it was just me and Bhubhu yelling at the TV, sometimes its just me. I want to do this again! Can't wait to do this again.

So, UE won. Big deal, they still would not win the championship anyway. But man, Jervy Cruz is really good. 26 points, no fouls, wow! Japs is doing better at free-throws and Ababou is really stepping up. But Mirza, hon, where were you? He made what, two points? I think he was the missing ingredient why UST lost. And Francis Allera, he reminds me of Vizcarra and Luanzon, he is not consistent and makes too much unnecessary fouls (then again, I am not a basketball expert), he is just, I don't know not at par with Ababou and Mark Canlas, I don't think he playing up to his full potential. I have yet to take him seriously. Argh, I hope he'll do better. I hope they would all do better. They did good, but they need to do better, a lot of teams are very strong this year. C'mon guys! More Roar!

and please, please, please do not lose twice to Lasalle or Ateneo and under no circumstances should you lose to UP, NU or ADU please. Just make us proud. Stay away from injuries and don't neglect your studies. It is so demoralizing when someone sits out a whole year because of academic problems. So make sure that doesn't happen again.

this piece totally lacks direction and continuity, I know. I don't care, I'm happy.

Hi blog! I miss you.

I am so sorry for abandoning you. I just got scared, this blogging thing makes me feel good and happy and it doesn't go well with my self-destructive theme. But the thing is, I really love writing and I really like blogging. So, I'm back and I promise to be faithful, I won't go astray again.

So Bheng posted in her blog why she writes. So it got me thinking, then an answer immediately popped in my head. I write so I won't go crazy.

So here I am again, trying not to go crazy.

1027 kilometers south of Manila

I honestly don't know how to start. I am still overwhelmed. They said a picture paints a thousand words, but since I lost all my photos it seems I also lost all the words to describe what I've seen and what I have felt when I saw them.

I guess I'll start with how much Leyte means to me. Leyte was the promised land. Ever since I was old enough to take care of myself, Daddy Tatay had promised a trip home to Leyte. Daddy Tatay was born and raised in Carigara, Leyte while Mommy Nanay's parents, though they met in Pampanga are both from Leyte, specifically Baybay and Carigara. Half of my roots are from Leyte. Iv'e got a barangay full of relatives there. More than that, Leyte was the setting of my Daddy Tatay's beloved tales and for me it would be like visiting Nick Joaquin's Manila or C.S. Lewis' Narnia. I've always wanted to come home.

The coconut nut is a giant nut.

What can I say, it was coconut galore. Coconuts probably outnumber any other trees when it comes to tree population. And they are so tall! but the amazing thing about it is no matter how tall they are, people still climb them to get thier fruits. You can tell that because of the crevices on their trunks that coconut climbers use so they can climb the tree. Oh and they also don't safety belts or safety nets or any kind of safety devices.

The lands that my fathers tilled

I saw rice fields in different stages. Some are just being prepared for planting, the carabao (a real live one, no longer in pictures!(Bettina called them the caraboos)) doing the work he is most famous for. Some have been newly planted while some have been planted for about a month or so. Most of the fields have tall rice stalks and are nearly ready for harvest. But the fields ready for harvest are the most enchanting of them all. Golden fields. They look like hope. They look like happiness.

Lolo Ben took us on a tour around the field he and my Mommy Nanay inherited from their father. It had been said that their Lolo owns almost the whole Carigara but since he lost it in a bet, what was left was divided to all his 15 children. Anyway, now Mommy Nanay and Lolo Ben own a hectare of land. I know it looks like any other rice fields but I can't help feeling sentimental about it. It is sort of mine. Sort of, I mean I could only have a share in it if I go into agriculture and if our not-so-nice relatives don't use it for their own good. Actually, that was what they were doing before Lolo Ben stayed in Leyte and now they are trying to get drive him away. But whatever, the scene was really breath-taking. Everything just feels more alive. I got a cut from walking through a pineapple! That was fun, I proudly showed it to my mom.

On the side note, since we left all our stuffs in the van and group of kids hang out in it, I lost my make-up kit and my underwear pouch. I lost my newly bought panty, my 1 set of eye shadow which contains the white, pink and my favorite dark brown shade. I also lost my nude lipstick and my clinique lip gloss. I know it sounds totally shallow but I love that clinique lip gloss! It was the perfect lip gloss ever!!! (I cried a little, don't tell!)

Between the stars and waves

Lolo Ben's place is near the beach, but it is a rocky beach not like the white sandy ones pictured on posters. It really doesn't matter to me. It's the water that is important.

I always become speechless whenever I look at the sea. It makes me feel small, like humbled or something. I am awed by the sea but I'm also scared of it. In contrast, The sky dazzles me. I love its changing colors. and the stars, there are no stars that many in Manila. If I compare the sea and the sky to a person, the sea is like a mother and the sky, a playmate.

We spent the second day by the sea. The sea was so calm, there were hardly any waves but I got amused watching the small boats and learning how to skip rocks. By noon time, the water level had gone up and it reached the huge rocks on the beach. So I got an idea to lay down on the huge rock and feel like a dried fish. Actually, I think it was a very good spot to take model-y pictures or that it would feel very poet-like to sit on the rock be very deep and comtemplative. But mostly I think I just want to get a good tan. I think it was one of the best seats in the world. Especially during sunsets.

I remembered this children''s story; where as the sun was setting, God let all the colors out to play. So the world was bathed with all the colors, except for indigo who was left behind. I can't remember why it was left behind. Well, anyway, as a consolation; when all the other colors had gone back to sleep, God let Indigo play on Earth. So that's why the night is colored Indigo.

Leyte's sunset is filled with every shade of color. If my eyes could burp, it would. I can't remember how many times I have sighed. It was really so beautiful. It's the foremost reason why I would go back. When the had set, the stars started to appear. So did the lights from the island across, which also looks like stars on land. It also started to feel chilly. After dinner, Bianca and I chose to be left behind. There is no way her parents would let us go on the shore so we stayed by the edge of the dinner hall, barricaded by big rocks. By then we can now hear sea murmur with waves. I can't figure out how tell her everything about the Philippines in such a limited time, so I think I ended up telling her bits everything and nothing really. I remembered telling her about the legendary floods of UST, something about the stars (the are also no stars like those in Ohio), she asked about what Manila used to look like, so I guess I have to send her some Nick Joaquin's books to supplement whatever I told her.<,/br>

I shall return

On our way home, we stopped by the McArtur's Landing Monument. I totally don't believe that McArthur saved us from the Japanese. I think he almost came too late and I don't think he did that much, the Japanese were set to lose that war. But I guess I have to borrow his famous line. I have to go back and tour Leyte with Bhubhu. Take pictures, lots and lots of pictures. Stay at Lolo Ben's house, which is really charming in my opinion. Visit the market, the churches, the plazas. See more of Leyte, experience more of Leyte. Perhaps even have Leyte tales of my own.

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My heartfelt thanks to Tita Glen and Tito Benzon, Lola Paz and Lolo Ben.

Mama Mia!

Here you go again, mama, how can i resist you!

Me and mommy are playing dress up we took it up a notch and have a fashion shoot! Doesn't she look easy, breezy, beautiful covergirl?

This is my favorite...

Adik! ako na naman!

My chuzzle-playing habits are no longer healthy. I have to quit it. but...

How can I possibly quit them? They're so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another plate of chopsuey thoughts

I was suppose to write about my entries for the past year, I actually started composing one but i think a self-review of your own blog is a bad idea. I mean, that's just too self-involved. Let's not start the new year with that.
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I went to Pao yesterday. I am so in love with him. No one can cut my hair like he does. Or style it the way he do. I always feel instantly beautiful once he starts working on my hair. I think that is what all women need, someone who would always make them feel beautiful. I love him, I really don't mind if his boobs are bigger than mine.
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Last Monday, I rode an ordinary bus alone. It was exhilarating! I really enjoyed it. The wind on my face with just enough pressure not at all harsh. Everything just seemed bigger and clearer and more alive! I just want to share that.
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Oh, I made up another Dollar boy rule. Don't miss him too much. It's just crazy.
I saw him today. He no longer smiles at me. That is bad. But he still has that mischievous look in his eyes. Wait, I think it was still a smile but its no longer that special smile he had for me. But because of the new rule we are really not that affected. Plus, I know I looked hot so I don't care that much. I like the way he styled his hair today. I like hearing his voice. I still really like him!
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Last month I attended UP's Lantern Parade since Bhubhu is from fine arts and they are a big part of it. I must admit, it was more entertaining than UST Paskuhan. But of course Paskuhan's fireworks are better. But with the lantern parade, the whole event is worth watching and the host is totally bakya so the crowd can really connect.
I also watched Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo with Jean and Mona. This is the first time I watched a movie included in MMFF. Anyway, I think Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo was way funnier and the story more interesting. There are moments in SSS where they are trying hard to be funny.
I also watched Batanes earlier in the month with Bhubhu. The pace was so slow, they should just hurry to the parts where Ken Zhu is in. But the view was breath-taking. Batanes is so beautiful! I can't wait to get there.
I also went book shopping! Sometime last year, I made a list of the ten books I really, really love and was shocked half of books on that list were in the UST Library, I vowed to found those books and buy them. So I were really thrilled to see them in National Bookstore in Rob Place at very low prices! Plus, there was around five different titles about Mr. Darcy! It is now my favorite National Bookstore branch. So I bought three books; Sense and Sensibility, Catcher in the Rye and Mr. Darcy's Diary. Of course, I read Mr. Darcy's Diary first. I am a sucker for anything Mr. Darcy so I naturally like it. Though it relied too heavily on Pride and Prejudice and the diary format can be quite a stretch. but it was funny enough and entertaining enough. I can't help smiling on my favorite parts on the story. But I think if it isn't on a diary format, the other characters would be more alive. I like the Peebles character. I like the story of Sense and Sensibility but the characters of Pride and Prejudice are more endearing. But S and S was a riot! There were moments when I want to scream because of the bitch-yness of the events! Anyway, so I reread the Catcher in the Rye and since I were going through what Holden was talking about, I now fully understand why it is called Cather in the Rye.
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I am crazy about coffee prince! Since I am staying with my Lola and there is no cable tv here, only channel 7 gets a good reception so I am thankful for this show because it is the only thing decent on primetime.
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A Pa(g)salubong Festival was held at Bhubhu's dorm and I went because I want to get some pili nuts and dried dangit. I ended up drinking a shot of basi and lambanog. I also dug my bare hands in a lechon cebu and took home a bunch of food I don't know what or where they came from. But is was good! Except that I did not ate any dried dangit. But over all it was fun. I also met Bhubhu's friends who are just like her. They sing, dance and organize the whole thing. New favorite word: punong-abala.
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oh, just for the record, this holiday season was way better than last year! No dramas, no stress. It also helps that Bhubhu did most of the cooking and my mom is in a good mood.
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Thats all I can remember for now. oh wait, I just remembered to write about Lucky Son. I'm sleepy and he deserves an entry of his own anyway. I'll write about him next time.

A whole year of blogging!

Wow. This is definitely an achievement if you take into account my previous history in blogging, even compared to my diary-writing days. I have 25 entries for this year, I changed my layout twice and added some page elements. I still don't have a picture though. I meant to add one today but i changed my mind. The picture sort of don't fit in. I also meant to give an analysis on my blog entries and an account of the holidays but I'm already sleepy. I'll have to do it next time and by next time I most likely mean in 2008. Cheers!

He aint fat!

His barong is a little too big for him and that's what creating some bulges!

Can't take the uber girly-ness of the old layout.

So I made a new one.

Love it.

Business as usual

I find this phrase very cold. Almost soulless.

An army tank is parked beside a christmas tree in a hotel lobby creating a very bizarre image. Its still business as usual.

A neophyte senator lost his mind, committed a poltical suicide, created a... umm... the palace calls it a "situation"... walked out of his mutiny hearing, marched down the street of Makati Ave. called on the people to join him in his stand in demanding that the president step down. A president who has legitimacy issues, a whole bunch of corruption issues, moral issues, self-image issues (she was seen buying kitchen stuff for the palace at a flea market. seriously! her people surely must have people to do those things. doesnt she have more pressing things to do like alleviate poverty perhaps?) He spent his afternoon on this very posh hotel, famous for its cascading waterfalls, he is joined by a former scout ranger general, who also have history of mutiny, a former vice-prsident, a bishop emeritus, a number of rebel soldiers carrying m16 around the lobby (to the entertainment of the hotel guest) and a small group of civilian supporters. Still, its business as usual.

By the way, I know what to call what happened last thursday: desperation.

I never liked his ways of getting attention but I can see why he flipped out. He is desperate. His mutiny failed, he tried the democratic process and 11 million voted for him to be senator yet he has to attend a single senate session. There is no way in hell They would let him. Hell, the whole country is desperate.

Even the Palace is desperate that's why they like the line business as usual so much. It is completely devoid of heart.

People are hungry. It's business as usual.
People die hungry. It's business as usual.
People accuse you of stealing. Its business as usual.
People don't believe you.
People hate you.
It's freaking business as usual.


The economy is up!
Education and morality is down.
So are health and the people's sense of security.
Not to mention their hopes and dreams.
Ofcourse, it's business as usueal



Foreign investors are coming in!
People are going out.
People can't wait to get out.
Poor people can't get out, so they die instead.
Still it's business as usual.

It is so business as usual, that just after that "situation" and corruption accusation, the president don't see any reason not to go to Europe. with her big entourage in tow. how big? The group includes 34 congresspeople, with their spouses. Also, a number of senators, I mean, no one can miss that senator with his big face and trapo smile. That is business as usual.

We also want to go to Europe. Isama niyo naman kami sa pangarap niyo.


The problem with gloria is she is an economist and not a leader, she doen't have vision. She acts like she is middle management and not the CEO. She views the foreign investors as bosses and she want her branch of globalization to look good and perform well... in paper atleast. These foriegn investors can pack up anytime they want, especially if they find somewhere else cheaper. Why not make your people the investors, develop them so they can be investors; that way we wouldn't depend so much on these foreigners. A true leader would shows us the way so we can stand alone. Maybe, she doesn't believe in what we can do. in what we are capable to do. Bitch.

What does she care, its business as usual for her.

this new layout is irritatingly girly

I haven't written for a whole month. It's not really a writer's block, I have a lot of things to write about, I just don't want to write about them. I'm bored with writing about sad stuff. It's not me and it seem totally foreign. You see, I now remember how I were before all the shitty stuff happened and I were a happy person. Well not the energetic-jumpin-out-for-joy happy but I've always have a positive and contented disposition in life. Whenever I leave our house, I imagine the whole neighborhood singing musicals. I'm tired of this melancholy, distressed girl that I have become. I want the old me back.

I can't write about how I got here in this very desperate state. There are just some stories that should never be retold. But now I am willing to admit that I need help.

I need help. This whole working-it-out-on-my-own-thing only got me this far.

Chopsuey thoughts

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, ang daming laman ng utak ko. Kaso, kung ikukumpara sila sa mga nangyayari sa mundo, nawawalan sila ng tila wala silang halaga. Pakiramdam ko tuloy na dapat hindi ko sila iniisip dahil wala naman silang katuturan.

Biru mo naman, may isang ina na naghahanap ng hustisya para sa kanyang panganay na binawian ng buhay dahil umano sa hazing. Wala akong sapat na kaalaman tungkol sa mga frat pero may alam ako tungkol sa hinagpis na nadarama sa pagkawala ng minamahal. Hindi ko maalis sa isip ko iyung imahe ng ina nang siya ay mahimatay sa libing ng kanyang anak. At tuwing nakikita ko ang kapatid ng namatay sa balita, naiisip ko na malamang tinatanong niya ngayon sa sarili kung paano pupunan ang pagkawala ng kanyang kuya. Ang mga pangakong naiwan nito, siya na ngayon ang dapat tumupad noon. Masyadong malaki at mabigat ang lahat para maintindihan ng kanyang musmos na isip.

Tapos, may dalawang magkapatid na tinaboy ng kanilang sariling tito na kanilang tinutuluyan. Kahit ang kanilang ina ay hindi sila matulungan.

May mga kabataang lalaki at babae na nakikipagbakbakan sa gera sa kasalukuyan. Madami sa kanila, mas bata pa sa akin. Wala pang pano ang kanilang presidente kung paano at kelan sila papauwiin.

May isang maybahay na wala ng maiharap na mukha sa mga kapit-bahay niya dahil sa pangalawang pagkakataon, pinapablatter na naman ang kanyang mister sa barangay dahil nanggugulo ito. Nakakatanggap din siya ng mga banta galing sa mga nakakaaway ng mister niya.

Nung isang lingo ginunita ang anibersaryo ng martial law. Madami ang nagsasabi na ang mga nangyayari noong panahon ng martial law ay nangyayari ulit ngayon. Ganoon ba talaga tayo kabilis makalimot? Nung isang lingo din ay napanood ko ang palabas na Boston Legal, tumatak sa akin ang pahayag na ginamit bilag closing argument ng isa sa mga bida. Kinuha nila ito sa isang libro na sinulat ng isang kristyanong pastor tungkol sa karanasan niya noong panahon ng mga Nazi. Ito ang salin sa tagalog:

Nang lipulin nila ang mga komunista, hindi ako nagsalita dahil hindi naman ako komunista.

Nang lipulin nila ang mga mamahayag, hindi ako nagsalita dahil hindi naman ako mamahayag.

Nang lipulin nila ang mga hudyo, hindi ako nagsalita dahil hindi naman ako hudyo.

Nang lipulin nila ang mga katoliko, hindi ako nagsalita dahil naman ako katoliko.

Nang ako naman ang nilipul nila, wala nang natira para magsalita.

Ang daming nawawala, ang daming pinapaslang, ang daming anomalya. At ang lahat ng ito ay nangyayari gamit ang maskara ng demokrasya.

O hindi ba, paano ko magawang problemahin ang mga napakababaw na bagay kung ganito ang nangyayari sa mundo? Pero sige, isusulat ko na din ang mga mababaw na bagay na pinag-iintindi ko.

Nakita ko si Jun sa UP at nang kinamusta niya ako ay kinawayan ko lang siya kahit na ang dami kong gustong ikwento sa kanya. Lalo akong nakukumbinse na may mali sa personalidad ko.

Sinabi sa akin ng aking napakagaling na kapatid na hindi siya makapaniwala na nagkagusto ako sa isang tao na hindi ko naman kilala. Si Dollar Boy ang tinutukoy niya. May super powers ang ngiti ni Dollar Boy, ano ang magagawa ko?

Natalo ang UST sa Ateneo noong Linggo. Tapos na ang season nila sa UAAP. Ang mahirap lang sa UAAP, kada taon, may manlalaro na nagpapaalam. Hindi mo alam kung mapapanood mo pa ulit sila maglaro. Makapaglaro man sila sa ibang liga, hindi mo na rin sila ganoon ka-gusto kasi hindi naman na sila naglalaro para sa unibersidad mo. Hay...

Hindi maalis sa utak ang isang linya ng kanta..."Sweet dreams are made of these", wala namang sweet sa mga panaginip ko.

Malapit na ang birthday ni Jona. Ito ang una niyang kaarawan na malayo sa kanyang pamilya at mga kaibigan. hay..

Siguro kailangan ko lang ilathala ang mga ito para maalis na sila sa utak ko.

Magiiwan ako ng kataga galing kay Confucious:
"If you have to shoot for the moon and the stars, that's okay but you have to shoot for something."





pahabol lang,

para sa iyo,

I want to share your fish tank.
Don't worry. I'm small, I won't take so much space.

Oh...This Piratey Love!

Once upon a time in the ocean of Sage
A young lad and lass was bonded by fate.
Seeking adventures of piratey life they
Stumble on a treasure far grander than
Kraken's blood.

Here is Strangebrew a bright-eyed
Buccaneer pillaging the seas to be
The best pirate there is. She works
Hard on her duty, whatever that may be.
In return she wins friends and lots of
POEs.

Then she met Khaetlil a more seasoned
Sailor. He had mastered the waves and
The whims of the sea. As he guide Brewie
To the ways of the sea he also found
The secret passages to the enclaves of her
heart.

As they roam the seas to find adventures
And treasures, they also found friendship
(and more!) that is definitely more dear.
Though at times they can be such meanies
And hurt one another, they just do that
To drown out feelings that they can't tell
One another.

But alas! The clouds parted, the sun is
Shining. The waves have calm down and
The wind is singing. That's because Brew
And Khae had finally told how they care
For each other and are ready to tell everyone
That indeed, they are together!


-----------------------
for Jean, you're no longer a drama queen.

I am 70% confident he wouldn't get to read this anyway

He was three hours late. He actually forgot about the whole thing. He thought since I didn't show up for their art exhibit the other night, I wasn't interested. I did texted him, but since he changed cellphones, my name didn't register and he isn't the type to text "hu u?".

Although I tried to amuse myself with what the mall has to offer, it really is no fun to window shop alone. I was secretly glad my sister wasn't available to join us, but I wished she was with me at that time. With ample time to spend, I had perfected what I was going to tell him. I wasn't mad. Most girls would be, but I wasn't into it. Besides, I'm tired; getting mad tales effort.

When he came up to me, I hesitated to speak. I realized, I was a little bummed and I wasn't sure I would sound friendly. I think he had spoken five sentences before I blurted out that he should never do it again. "It" meaning make a girl wait for three hours.

We walked towards the National Gallery. As we were about to cross Taft Ave. he suddenly gripped my hand, I pressed back and then I saw the bus that nearly hit us. (The traffic sign said walk!) His touch didn't send tingling shivers through out my body. I guess, when you realize you almost got hit by a bus tingling shivers are the last thing you will feel. The museum was already close when we got there. Sayang.

We walked towards the park. He suggested something to get something to eat. But I was more tired than hungry so we sat on one of the benches. I hadn't been at that park in years. It was refreshing. You wouldn't hear the traffic sounds (which is weird because there was a road right beside it), the tree offer soothing shades and the students practicing their dance routine add life to the scene. It is a nice place to sit and talk.

Beside me, sat a guy who is more updated about my life right now than most of my friends. I've told him things I would never tell my sister. I don't think I really know much about him except that we like a lot of similar things and we sort of connect. But at that moment, we don't know what to talk about. I'm afraid I bored him. (not entirely my fault, I was already tired!) I guess, we were still adjusting to each other's presence, okay maybe I am still adjusting. Normally, friends get closer as they spend time with one another and share experiences. We became friends while facing a screen.

He has really long eyelashes. Long straight eyelashes. Like Bambi's. Ha! He wanted me to open up, like tell him my deepest desires, fears, wishes and secrets. So, its not enough that I've told him things I would never tell people who have known me since birth. He wants all walls down. I don't that. Well, at least not immediately.

He can be pretty charming and irritating at the same time. He won't shut up about the whole never-been-kissed-and-not-having-a-boyfriend thing. He finished high school at Ateneo, no wonder he can be such a smart ass. But he really is smart. And funny. And a little awkward, which is cute. And most of all, he is scary. because I know he can disarm me. I realized that when he was being silent and his eyes were looking tired.

Yes, there was one time I wanted to kick him but there was a couple of times when I wished he will hold my hand instead of holding on to my shoulder. Seriously, who holds on to one's shoulder?

He is getting into my system. You know, like a liquid slowly seeping through the door. It seems that I want to keep him at arms lenght but I also feel like just grabbing his hand and fly.

or something close to that. something more realistic and if possible, less scary.

He's got really long eyelashes.

old photos, timeless teasures

I've spent the day cleaning out one of my Lola's cabinet. It should have taken me at most 40 minutes, because its really just a small space but since I was really looking through all her stuff, it took me two hours. I'm a sucker for old pictures and here are some them that I just can't help but...well, for the lack of a better word, steal. (Don't tell on me!)

Lovely couple right? These are my grandparents. They got married when my Lola was 16 and my Lolo was 22. They lasted for 51 years, until my Lolo died last year. Those 51 years are not all rosy, but they stayed together and they stayed in love until the last day. If you noticed, the picture was ripped apart but it was taped back together again; with a red, electrical tape! Now, that is true love.

This was taken during my christening party. My Lola is carrying me, while my mom sits nearby with the other guests, and her Lola is in the forefront looking every bit of a Doña that she is. Do you notice, there wasn't a single guy in the photo? I love this picture, it says a lot about how my family does things. If mothers are oceans the daughters never escape from, then the grandmothers must be the sky that would never leave us.

My parent's wedding picture, with their parents. I took these because I want to examine what features they have that I inherited and with a deeper analysis, what personalities they have that they passed on. You wouldn't see this, but I hate my mom's make up! Okay, from left to right are Daddy Tatay, Mpmmy Nanay, Momy, Daddy, Mommy Lily and Lolo Jorge. I think I have my Mom Lily's chhekbones and the shape of her face. I have my Dad's nose and smile. I have my Mom's eyebrows and my Daddy Tatay's eyes. I have my Mom's ears.

One of them is me, the other isn't; but both pictures have a caption that said "sweet smile from baby yna!" No wonder I didn't recognize the other baby, it was actually my brother. Haha, he got mistaken for a girl! He was wearing pink and little flowers to boot! I looked like my mom in this picture, but now I look more like my dad. My brother look like his son.

This day was lovely.

dahil walang kausap at cable tv

Naisipan ko na magsulat sa tagalog ngayon dahil Agosto. Dahil Buwan ng Wika ang Agosto, sinususpindi ng mga paaralan ang kanilang "Speak in English policy" kaya naisipan ko na ganoon din ang gawin. Nung sinimulan ko kasi angv blogv na ito, isa sa mga hangarin ko ay ang maibalik ang disiplina sa pagvsusulat kaya pinili ko na mag-sulat sa ingvles kasi mas madali magpahayag ngv nararamdaman sa ingles. Halimbawa, yung sinulat ko ng nakaraan. Dapat ay sa tagalog ko iyon isusulat kaso, hindi ako makaisip ng salitang tagalog para sa "crazy", hindi ko magamit ang "kabaliwan" kasi masyadong mabigat ang salitang iyon para sa akin. Hindi naman kabaliwan yung ginawa ko, ang alam ko nagiisip pa ako nung ginawa ko iyon. Higit pa dun, maliit na bagay lang yung ginawa ko, hindi sapat na tawaging kabaliwan. Siguro, hindi ugali ng mga Pinoy na gumawa ng mga ganoong bagay kaya walang salita para doon. Sabihin nyo sa akin kung mayroong salitang tagalog para doon, baka naman nagkakamali lang ako.


Ngayon ko lang napansin na madalas palang ginagamit ang letrang "g" sa mga salitang tagalog. Nagloloko kasi ang keyboard ko ngayon, kapag gumagamit ako ng "g" may lumalabas na kasamang letrang "v" kaya kailangan kong burahin lahat ng letrang "v". Kung may nakaligtaan ako, pasensya na.

Napansin ko din na mas malumay at seryoso ang tono ng pagsusulat ko kapag tagalog ang gamit ko. Sa totoo lang, napansin ko na ito nung nasa kolehiyo pa ako. Kahit subukan ko na lagyan ng kaartehan o komedya, hindi lumalabas na ganoon kadalasan nagiging melo-dramatiko at nag-uumapaw sa damdamin at nahihirapan akong kontrolin.


Sa kalagayan ko ngayon, importante sa akin na manatiling kontrolado ang aking nararamdaman. Kadalasan kasi negatibo ang mga ito, kaya lalong kailangan na kontrolin. Alam ko na may mga naisulat ako na puno ng galit, sabihmin na langv natin na iyon na angv kalahmdongv bersyon. Isipin mo na lang kung nasa tagalog iyon, mas magiging mabigat ang bawat salita baka hindi ko na maisulat at sumabog na lang kumpyuter sa tindi ng galit. Importante sa akin ang maglabas ng hinaing( hindi ba't isa iyon sa silbi ng blog?), lalo na kung galit ito (baka kasi ako ang sumabog) yun nga lang, hanga't maaari sa kalmadong paraan sana.


Hindi ko rin maisip kung paano ko isusulat sa tagalog ang mgva kwento tungkol kay Dollar Boy, baka lumabas na parang nobelang pang-romansa ito. Alam nyo ba ang salitang "flirt" sa tagalog? Landi. Landi ang katumbas ng "flirt" sa tagalog. Hindi iyon bagay sa imahe ko. Bukod pa dun masyadong negatibo ang pananaw sa salitang iyon. Hindi ko ito pwedeng gamitin.


Dahil wala akong magawa kanina, naisipan kong mag-friendster. Hindi talaga ako mahilig mag-friendster pero naisip ko na rin na kamustahin ang mga dating kaibigan, mga minsang hinangaan at minsang kahit kaunti ay minahal. Gusto ko lang malaman kung ano na ang pinag-bago ng buhay nila. Gusto ko din malaman kung may pakialam ako kung ano man ang nagbago sa buhay nila. Sa iba meron, sa iba wala masyado. Siguro kasi, wala namang malaking pagbabago sa buhay nila. O sadyang, hindi na ako interesado sa buhay nila.

Ang hirap talaga ng walang cable tv.

May nakapag-payo sa akin na kalimutan ko na si Dollar Boy kung hindi ko lang din siya yayain lumabas. Ito ay dalawang bagay na hindi ko pwedeng gawin. Nung una, naisip ko na tama siya. Napagdesisyunan ko na kung sa Disyembre ay wala pa ring nangyayari, kakalimutan ko na nga siya. Pero hindi. Ang pag-ibig ay hindi dapat binibigyan ng taning. Sino ako para pangunahan ang kagustuhan ng tadhana? Naghihintay lang ako. Kung darating ang panahon na kailangan ko na nga siyang kalimutan, bibigyan ako ng tadhana ng dahilan at hindi ko na kailangan pilitin ang paglimut sa kanya. Sa ngayon, hayaan ninyo lang ako na matamasa ang mga ngiti niya.

Chronicles of Dollar Boy 6

Once in a while, we need to do something crazy just to keep life from being mundane, so it won't be too boring. Maybe even to feel emotions we have forgotten.

When I wrote in a poem the words "drench me... flood every road, every vein...", I never imagined that fate would take it literally!

So I did something crazy last Wednesday. I guess its because the storm was lashing out in Manila. The roads are flooded and cars aren't moving so I have to spend 3 1/2 hours listening to the cheesiest radio station on air. Anyway, I felt I need to do something crazy in connection to Dollar boy. Just to keep him real. Like the real, crazy storm outside.

The Dollar boy in my head is cuter than the real Dollar boy. I realized that when my sister unfeelingly pointed out that he is not that cute. Maybe he is not that cute(he is still cute though), but not all overly cute guys have his slow-dancing stare that I'm so crazy about. It seems that my sister doesn't like him. First, she said that he was too giggly. Then, that cute comment and then she said something that I should hurry to get a job so I can meet someone else. sigh. She doesn't understand. I won't be interested in someone else. There is no one more intriguing than the guy behind the glass window.

He no longer beams at me like he used to. He just smiles. I don't understand, he chats with every person he assists but when it comes to me, it was all business-like, even the flirty smile disappears. So I have to do something drastic. Not minding that it was totally inappropriate.

After all, a girl gotta do what a girl have to do. And I have to ask about that ring, it no longer looks like a college ring to me(maybe it was a different ring, we'll never know). So when we are about to leave, I backtracked. I told him I have to ask him something. He said, "Yes, Ma'am?" (I find that amusing:)) Then there was a silent tension, for dramatic purposes, so he will get the essense of the question thoroughly. I asked him if the ring he is wearing is a wedding ring. He grinned and ask why. I replied, "Just because." He said no. I said ok and stepped away, I heard him laugh(sweet, sweet music). By that time, I was laughing too, I said thank you and saw the gay one in the cubicle beside him looking shocked.

So now he knows I'm interested in his civil status.

However this turns out, I got a kick out of what I did. I really enjoyed it. The last I felt that thrilled was the Japs Sergio event. And that is almost a year ago.

I felt alive that day. Maybe I should ask inappropriate questions more often.

World, say hello to the luckiest kid!

My nephew was born last friday and right now I am typing beside his crib while he is sucking on his milk bottle.


He is small. Well, he is normal size compared to kids his age but compared to me, he is small. I don't know if I can call him fragile. My friend descride me as fragile and I think this baby is more than fragile. At the same time, I also think this baby is tough. He have really small arms; small, delicate arms but you should see how he raise them up as if saying "World! Bring it on!"

Fun fact: he was born on a Friday the 13th. What is fun about it is he does not only have regular birthdays but also Friday the 13th celebrations. This kid would get so used to receiving presents.


He doesn't do much. He actually sleeps all day. And drink milk in between. But every move and every sound he makes is amazing. Watching him sleep isn't boring at all. I can't actually stop looking. Nobody can. It's really weird.


He also takes up a lot of space. To think he is just 18cm, he takes up a lot of space. I used to have my classmates stay here overnight, there would be about four to seven of them and I can accomodate them all without intruding too much on my grandparents. But this baby came along and it looks like, well it looks like he now owns the house. I'm not complaining, just pointing it out. It just amaze me, how someone that small could yield so much power.


More on lucky son when he can do more.

****************


I saw dollar boy today. I didn't say "hi". I can't. I didn't looked perfect nor did I felt daring. Last week, I looked perfect and daring.

He is becoming less real. This sucks. I can't lose him without doing anything. That is just so me. I hate that part of me. Worse, I am going to obssess about this for the next two weeks until I see him again and say "hi". He is becoming less real! You know, more like a shadow but in color. Like when you lessen the opacity of an image in photoshop. This is really bad. Even a shopping escapade did not cheer me up! I finished my poem for him though. How I wish I have the guts of the speaker in the poem. But I am the speaker in the poem! I just wish it would translate from poetry to real life. I am not sure of the title, I can't think of anything right now. But I think the poem is decent. Sigh


Rain Song

You are the clouds that reign over Manila in June.
And it looks like there is no escaping you.
Every commuter and street peddler
hurries to seek cover. But not me, I lay down
on the streets of this old city. And I dare you.

Drench me.
Let your waters flood every road, every vein,
every corner and every thought. Turn this city
into an ocean I would never escape from.
Because my dear, if I drown in the puddles
of your eyes, I really wouldn’t mind.

"... I lay down on the streets of this old city..." Yeah right! I couldn't even say "hi". The thing is, if I drown in his eyes; I really, really would not mind it at all.

Chronicles of Dollar Boy 5

He wasn't there.


But unlike before, I don't hate it as much. I actually thought it was funny. Sometimes, things just won't go your way. And me not being pissed off, is part of the all new "not worrying about it too much" rule.


So much for feeling confident and wearing the perfect make-up. Atleast, I discovered a new combination of color for my lips. But the positive things pretty much end there.


I shouldn't have gone today. There was sign, my kuya told me to just do it on Friday. But I figured I may not have the unusual confidence I was feeling this morning so I went ahead.


I'm starting to think my instincts are no good.


I'll still go to philtrust next wednesday. I have to see him. I miss him. But there's no way, I'm going to flirt with him in front of Rozza. She doesn't know about dollar boy. And she's my little sister. Argh.


I really do miss him. Funny, his absence sort of adds to his character. Sigh. He is not making my life easy, now I have to think of what to wear on Wednesday. Men.