No longer trapped in the tallest tower.
I have resigned my position as a lady's companion to my Lola and have embarked on my career as a writer. Yep, I'm getting paid to write now.
Things actually came so sudden as only things you have been waiting for five years can happen so suddenly. The things is, the process only happened in days. On Saturday, I found out that my interview is on Monday. On Tuesday, I signed a contract. Then Wednesday, well Wednesday is now.
I have a real job. Like adults are supposed to have one.
When people ask me what I do, I now have a concrete answer to give. More importantly, when people ask my parents what I do, they now have an answer. An answer they can say out load. I can now be, once again, included during the how's the family part of their social conversations. I am really happy, a lot of people are really happy that I think their collective happiness far surpass my own. I know that my father told more people about my news than I did; and two of the people I have told only learned about it because they asked where I was and I am not really good at lying. (Had it been the point of my passive-aggressive rebellion to deprive them of such happiness?)
No matter, I am happy. Very much so and I expressed it the way i always express great happiness: silently, perhaps with a single moment of outburst then nothing more. I like keeping the happiness within me, only letting out bit by bit.
These are the reasons why I am happy:
No more going to places I don't want to go. No more non-enjoyable wasting time. No more waking up and not knowing what to do. No more going to sleep because there is nothing else to do. I now own my life.No more people taking my time for granted. No more brain-killing, impossible boring situations. No more bone-chilling impossibly dreadful situations. No more being privy to information I don't want to about. No more sticky situations where I have to divulge what I know.No more extra time to think about how miserable things are.
I never realized how time-consuming a job is but I am most excited about the challenge of finding a life beyond all of these. ( I did not become a student of life for almost five years to not know that job is unequal to life. I learned as much as that.)
Life beyond all these. The idea sounds so wonderful. After escaping from life after all these years, it seems impossible that I can actually have a life that I want. Give or take a few hings to keep it real.
The past four years had been an expedition into the unknown while ironically never leaving my comfort zone. It is in equal parts miserable, exhilarating, confusing, eye-opening, crazy and boring. Am I sorry it happened? No. But I am sorry that it went on far longer than it should. The decision was not a mistake. The mistake lies in not discerning the situation that brought such decision. And hey, I'm proud of my battle scars. There are a lot of things I wouldn't have known if not for this. About myself, about other people, about life. Success stories always say trust your instinct, listen to your gut, live your own life; that was what I did. Did it brought me success, I only know that it did not brought me failure. And it also brought me things I am so blessed to have.
That being said, allow me to publicly express my gratitude:
To my family: for being so complex, a novel could be written about you. And mostly for being patient and not kicking me out.
To my friends: there are about five of you, I am so amazed that I call you as such.
To the mountains: for teaching me how to breathe and for giving me a new perspective.
To the books, tv, internet and music: for keeping me company and not letting my mind rot.
To writing, shopping, walking and cooking: for being such good therapists.
To DB: I tried to pick just one reason but I couldn't so I settled for two; for igniting my imagination like no one else ever had and for having such a smile that made every miserable thing bearable. Not knowing you exist would have been the most unfortunate thing.
