If you can call that escaping, mostly it brought me back to the version of me before all the shitty tings happen.
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Getting off the jeepney from divisoria, in front of National Bookstore; it hit me, with the expenses I had to get ready for this climb, I could have bought all the books about Mr. Darcy. Am I really exchanging Darcy for mountaineering? Well for now, yes. I am sorry D, but my spirit needs this.
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A background overview, last year I tagged along Rozza's field trip to Biak-na-bato which gave me a false convidence to go with Mona with her just-met friends (practically strangers) to go to Mt. Batulao. I love Batulao. During the climb, I seriously doubted whether I could still go home, but wow; it made me really, really happy. I haven't been that happy in a while. It was so awesome; the view, the stars, the exhaustion, the muscle pain, the people. I learned one thing very important in that experience: I can climb mountains too. Its totally out of character, even unthinkable given my medical history. I was slower than others, but I can do it too. With more experience, I can do it as well as they can too.
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Woke up at 2am, I can't get up yet because my lola would just tell me to go back to sleep; so I just spent the time contemplating on what seems to be biggest adventure for this day: how to get to Cubao by 5am and find the 5star bus terminal without getting lost. I begged God to make a way for me to get there safely(see, I told you, mountaineering brings me back to the old me.) Thankfully, as we pass by Tito Jun's house, he was already up and he agreed to take me to Cubao. (Wow, answered prayers express, just like old times noh?) We still got lost, we passed by Edsa twice, but getting lost is so much more convenient when you're in a car. Finally; the 5star Terminal, I was not the last one to arrive. Good morning everyone!
...enjoy lang, no drama...
That would be my personal theme for this climb and with every step, I am leaving every trace of drama on the muddy road. With exception of the mud, I like this trail; it is filled with greenery and very shady. I keep seeing visions of a muddy highschool foundation day. It was freshman year, the creek beside the school overflowed; turning the school into mudlandia. While arguably there had been less mud during the foundation day, it had been raining then making the dried mud go soft again making our jogging pants every laundry woman's nightmare. Anyway, the memory I am seeing is me, with a clasmate walking through the driveway with the intention of going to Mcdo. There's a new McDonald's a few blocks away from the school and everyone in class is going there. I love it there, for all four years of highschool, it had been the ultimate meeting place and afterschool hang-out. Its sad it was closed down and turned into Jollibee. Oh well, atleast we get to keep the memories.
We are lagging behind. The beginners are surprisingly fast. He offered to carry my bag; I know from the mountain review I have read that we are nowhere near half point, how could he think I'm already tired? What would the others think? Sigh. Enjoy lang no drama, remember? From what I've gathered he doesn't normally offer help carrying bags; minsan lang 'to, might as well abuse, err humor him.
With the exception of my mother and my grandparents, he must be the kindest person to me. Sigh. I have to make sure that I don't become dependent on him. So far, I am doing fine, he lets me navigate the trail on my own; never telling me what to do or where to go. When I have doubts, he has a single reply: Kaya yan. It has to be said, he is a big help with boosting this self-confidence thing; still it assuring to know, that if ever madulas ako sa bangin kaya nya kong saluhin.
Back to the trail. As I have mentioned, may mga bangin; more like mini-bangin because are actually the path of the mini waterfalls. The waterfalls were mesmerizing. I remember, bus rides where I can see mini waterfalls going down the side of the mountain, ngayon pwede ko na silang hawakan. Cool, fresh water wow!
There are dead tress blocking the trail. I hate them for two reasons: it takes a lot of effort getting over them and the idea of a dead tree is so sad. But over all, I love the feeling that I seem to be in a the navel of a forest. Sa maraming puno mayroong dinosaur.
We had been trekking for hours, we are almost crawling. He said: Ang sarap ng feeling na hinihingal ka noh. Obviously, he never had asthma or had his lungs give up on him. It rained. Wow, its not like the mud isn't slippery enough. It also made it imposible for me to see with my glasses. But the rain also made the others pace slower so we no longer lagged behind and it gave us the most amazing rainbow I have ever seen. There's a kiss at the end of a rainbow, more precious than a pot of gold.
Originally, 3pm was the original "collapse time" but since we were still at the thick of the woods then, I only got to lay down by 5. My back, my sides, my legs feels so tired. My body feels like dipping into the earth. After changing, I am wearing four layers of clothing; then I notice a guy from the other group shirtless. Huh. Hindi nga pantay-pantay ang paggawa ni God sa skin ng tao. Oh well, buti na lang naimbento ang clothes. Dinner. Rozza was right; food taste better in the wilderness. Even with missing ingredients and over cooked pasta, the tuna macaroni tasted so good.
Socials. I wasn't wrong, his shoulders feels so nice to lean on to. We got voted King and Queen of the mountain. I saw that coming, I wanted to ask if it comes with a crown. I had never won anything with the title "Queen" before. But I just didn't react, nor did he. I did not expect a starry night on Tarak, but there seem to be a people power in the skies. I can't recognize any constellations though, it just looks like one big rally.
Fastforward to dawn. Its breathtaking. I miss watching the sun rise. How many years had it been, when I use to postpone sleep during bus rides just to witness it? It felt ages ago. I miss that "brand new day" feeling. There was a rock on the way to the summit where I rested for awhile after slipping, and its now one of my favorite places on earth. If you sit there, you would not want to go anywhere else.
Sigh, but I know, I have to go down sometime. The long trek down does not look inviting. I console myself with the thought that its easier getting down than going up. We had lunch by the Papaya river; I soaked my feet in, sigh water have amazing soothing properties. I don't know if it was just me but there seem to be more dead trees blocking the way than before or maybe I just did not remember them; maybe my memory blocked them out.
We reached Manang's house atlast, and the sweet bukojuice I have been craving since morning. We took a rest and had a few more photo ops. Some of the girls want to achieve the "jump shot" and I just have to wonder: where do they get that kind of energy?
Oh well, atleast we are finally going home. We did not have time to eat dinner so someone just bought instant noodle soup for everyone. That was really sweet. It rained really hard, good thing we are on our way to back to Manila. I did not expect to get any sleep during the ride. But it was surprisingly a short trip and after an hour we are back in Quezon City.
We got off at Aurora Boulevard and took a jeep to Taft. I have read stories about Aurora Blvd. and now I understand what it is all about. It is such a defining moment whenever fiction creeps in to my reality. Nonetheless, Aurora is a sad picture. It just looks forsaken.
Sigh. I never tought I would ever want to stretch Espana longer. But that is what was going through my mind during the jeepney ride. I guess I don't want to say goodbye yet. Perhaps its because I know there is something intangible, something I could never name that I could never take home with me(nor could he) and must be left behind at corner of Lacson and Espana. It does not really belong to either of us. Hay, good thing the sight of UST, though bathe in darkness never fails to stir up memories. I honestly wished Jona or JP, Meng or Kat would hail down the jeep and share the rest of the ride with me. It would be nice to have someone to talk to.
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I have always had this fantasy: to sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world. Whenever I feel that life is sucking the life out of me, I envision my self on top of a mountain, letting out my barbaric yawp and immediately after; I would feel rejuvinated. All the worries and all the gloom are just particles that the air is driving away to be lost at the sea. But I haven't done it yet. There's something with the view from the top that makes me want to just be quiet. It is stunningly beautiful, it is a priviledge to see it. How can you go barbaric if that much beauty if in front of you? So I just sit there and marvel at it; breathing deeply, as if I can inhale all that glorious blue and greens. Someday, I would let out my barbaric yawp but it won't be because of quarter-life angst. It will be because I am so damn happy, I have to shout it to the whole world. That day will come, someday.
There had been numerous chances where I would question myself why I am getting into mountaineering, specially whenever I have to go over a tree but the answer is everywhere around me, it is even in the question itself. It is because of the trees that I get to hug, the rocks I climb onto, the dirt that clings on my shoes, the flowers that make me smile, the insects that keep us company, and the view that makes me feel so small and so lucky to be beholding it. Because of every breath I have to catch, every hurried beat of my heart. (oh that was a cheesy phrase but I dont know how to say without sounding like a boy band song.) Mountaineering also gave me people I am so grateful to have met. Most importantly, mountaineering woke up the sleeping voice in me that believes that I can do it too.
I can do it too.
