I really can't believe what is happening in my life.. I mean, c'mon!

I fell down the stairs, which is very ironic since the last post is a song called "Defying Gravity."


This sucks and it hurts like hell too. On the bright side, I don't have any broken limbs. I guess it's good that I fell on a sitting down position, I can still walk and altough I have cuts on my back, it seems fine; hopefully my x-ray results would collaborate my assumptions. Except for the two big bruises on my right butt cheek, there are no obvious indication my body bounced of the stairs five times. Five times.

My thought process went like this:
I'm falling down the stairs.
I have to hold on the rail, I can't hold on the rail!
My back! Ouch.
This must look horrible to Rozza.(She was behind me)
When I reached the last step and realized I'm still concious and can feel my legs, I figured I'm ok and stood up. I dont think I feel bad enough to rushed to the E.R., plus going to th hospital at 4am would just amp the drama and I'm not even bleeding.

When I saw my bruises and cuts , that's when I felt how much it hurts. So this is how it feels to be beat up. I thought about the battered women. I would never understand how they could stand and hide the abuse they get. I also thought about basketball players and the numerous times I have seen then fell bad on the floor. I guess there is such a thing as a right and wrong way to fall. I convinced myself I fell the right way since my body was in a natural position, it's like I slid down a slide except ofcourse its a flight of stairs and I bounced on the way down. I had lot of time to think because I don't want to risk sleeping and being unconcious since after all I still hit back and I'm still worried about my spine. I got that from Grey's Anatony, they dont allow people to sleep whenever they had a bad fall, granted that those people usually hit their head but still, can't risk it. We don't have a Mcdreamy. Mostly I thought about how in the world I fell down the stairs. I know my slippers are the culprit, plus my sleepy state, plus why did I turn back to Rozza then change my mind and went down. Still, can't figure out how I slipped. My legs are in the same position, that could mean both of my feet slipped at the same time. How could I fell down the stairs at 24? If you are suppose to fell down the stairs, you're suppose to do it when you are still a kid, when you still don't know dangerous it is to injure your spine!!! I thought if this would end my mountain adventures. I don't think so, I slipped a couple of times at Tarak but did not get an ass-kicking like this one. But it would definitely stall any adventures for this year. My knees still feel wobbly. And it would definitely hurt to sleep on the ground. I would have to dissapoint Sid once again. He might think I'm just making this up. The bruises on my butt looks pretty convincing though, but he does not have to see that.

Above all that, I still look and feel good for someone who fell down a flight of stairs, I guess its a good thing I've got some meat on my bones now, they had a cushion. Still, life would be so much better if this did not happen at all. C'mon! I'm asking for a break not broken bones. Hopefully this is the last of all the sucky things.

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!

**************
I love this song, I saw it on Glee, it was from the musical Wicked

Regrets

I wish life has a reset button or atleast a ctrl-z option; where you can just undo everything you did up to the first mistake you did. I know there is no point in wishing for those things, I know that now. I did not know it then, three years ago, when I stubbornly wished for life's pause button. I wanted everything to pause until life get back to way things were before all the shitty things happened. I guess I was delusional and very, very naive; thinking the whole world would stop because I refuse to understand what is happening. I did not realized that I was being such a brat.

But that was then. I know better now.

Thank you, Tigers!!!

It is that time of the year again when I ask myself how could I possibly survive eight months without UAAP basketball. Ofcourse I eventually move on but every year; from the second weekend of July till whenever the Tiger's season concludes, UAAP rules my world. It is my favorite event of every year, even more than Christmas. Now another season ends and it is time to say goodbye to the tigers that are graduating this year: Ababou, Mirza and Maliksi. I am finding it harder to say goodbye this year. I mean its Ababou and Mirza! They are my top two favorite tigers for the past three years.


Dylan Ababou is awesome this year. Bagging the MVP plum and carrying the team to the final four, he made the UST community proud by the leadership he showed on and off the court that I could only hope that his young teammates would follow in his example. He was expected to step up and he did not dissapoint. His game greatly improved thanks to the Smart Gilas training. It is noticeable that he moves differently from the rest of the team that got me thinking woun't it be great if Coach Toroman trains our team (of course, that would not happen.) I'm so excited for his future, he would be playing for the national team and I'll make sure to watch the Smart Gilas games. I hope we would do greater things for the flag than Cyrus showed this year. I can't say it enough, Ababou is awesome.


This is also Mirza's last year. Warning! I am going into fan girl mode!

I feel three years are not enough, for I am so fascinated with this guy. I can not even explain why I find him so attractive. I think its the eyes, and the cheekbones, and the mole above his lips, possibly even his nose. Last time I had a UAAP crush was on Cyrus Baguio and it was seven years ago. Cyrus have more or less been the standard in all my crushes and Mirza looks different from Cyrus. They just have different auras, so I'm really surprise with myself. I mean, if I would have a crush on an tiger(I don't see myself having crushes on another team, they may be cute but I still would not care.) the logical choice would be Dylan; because he is the best player, he is cute, smart and resposible with his studies(way more than Cyrus, I must say), plus, he looks clean which is the first thing I look for in a guy. While Khasim is unorthodoxically handsome, has a gangly frame and inconsistent game. But since 2007, I have been fond of Khasim. I think it started with his spectacular game during UST-DLSU rd. 2. Down by 12 points under the last two minutes, he provided firepower for the Tigers that enabled them to take the game into overtime and eventually win. My favorite part was when Jervy did a celebratory bump with him at tumalsik siya, kasi naman 1/3 lang ata si Khasim ng katawan ni Jervy; still he looked so cute as he laughed. His game was non-existent last year but this season he made-up for that. He was a good offensive support for Dylan, his free-throws improved and he wasn't so skinny anymore but it would help him if he would bulk up more. He had a good 1st round but his game dipped on the 2nd, I guess the opposing team learned how to defend him. He was really frustrated during the last minutes of the final four game with the eagles. His last UAAP game. He looked so sad, it was heart-breaking. Unlike Ababou, I don't know where I could watch Khasim next; I'm guessing PBL pero kailan ba palabas yun? He has to persevere, he's tall and has a good shooting touch, he needs to be more consistent in his game. I wholeheartedly the wish the best for him. And I really, really want to meet him and have a picture with him!!! Internet is so dissapointing there's hardly any info about him. During Cyrus' time there were loads of stuff for any stalker to consume including his plate number. Now, I cannot even find his birthdate or his course. Where are the super fans that is so willing to give out personal informations? I should not have deleted my friendster account, last two years I can still find Mirza's and I am also two degrees connected to a tiger; now I think his profile is set to private. Sumikat na kasi eh. I just want a picture with him and his signature on my ticket sa kanyang last game. Sya, tama na fan girl mode.

Moving on to next season, I think we would still be ok; we just have to learn defense. Jeric Teng is fantastic, I hope he won't have sophomore jinx because scoring wise he is now the leader of this team. Jeric Fortuna improved a lot. I thought a Tigers without Japs at the point would be a nightmare but he did a good job but ofcourse he needs command his team more, he is only 17 (so young, and he would be considered as a veteran next year) and he still have a lot to learn. Clark Bautista, my favorite rookie of '08, must be more consistent so he can fill in the scoring gap left by Ababou and Mirza. I know he plays the 2 guard spot but if he plays the point I think he would be destructive. Camus is good, konting aggresiveness pa. I hope Melo Afuang would step up big time and I wish Green would know how to shoot in point blank range and be more disciplined. And keep up the good free-throw shooting percentage!

I still consider this a good season despite the losing record. The team had an amazing start, a so-so middle then a bad finish; still good enough for final four. The opposing teams learned how to defend the tiger's offense and the tigers failed to adjust. The losing skid did come at the worst time but still the Tigers did more than what is expected of them. It was an exciting season, so, thank you Tigers!

I had an invitation to join a climb set on the same date as the final four match, and I just have to defer. Its possible na nagtatampo na sila, hindi nila maiintindihan. To them its just a basketball game but this is UAAP, its the UST Growling Tigers. There's no way I'm going to miss their last game. It's Ababou and Mirza. (And Maliksi but I only became aware of Maliksi this season and I'm not attached to him.)(It was a touching moment when they bowed to the UST gallery.) Yesterday, there is no where I would rather be than Araneta; not even on the top of the world.

*********

Plus, I memorised the UST Hymn just for these games and I want an oppurtunity to sing it. Now, I won't feel guilty na hindi ko alam ang school song ko whenever the other schools are singing their song because I can sing the UST Hymn proud and loud.

Escaping at Tarak Ridge

If you can call that escaping, mostly it brought me back to the version of me before all the shitty tings happen.

************


Getting off the jeepney from divisoria, in front of National Bookstore; it hit me, with the expenses I had to get ready for this climb, I could have bought all the books about Mr. Darcy. Am I really exchanging Darcy for mountaineering? Well for now, yes. I am sorry D, but my spirit needs this.


************

A background overview, last year I tagged along Rozza's field trip to Biak-na-bato which gave me a false convidence to go with Mona with her just-met friends (practically strangers) to go to Mt. Batulao. I love Batulao. During the climb, I seriously doubted whether I could still go home, but wow; it made me really, really happy. I haven't been that happy in a while. It was so awesome; the view, the stars, the exhaustion, the muscle pain, the people. I learned one thing very important in that experience: I can climb mountains too. Its totally out of character, even unthinkable given my medical history. I was slower than others, but I can do it too. With more experience, I can do it as well as they can too.

************


Woke up at 2am, I can't get up yet because my lola would just tell me to go back to sleep; so I just spent the time contemplating on what seems to be biggest adventure for this day: how to get to Cubao by 5am and find the 5star bus terminal without getting lost. I begged God to make a way for me to get there safely(see, I told you, mountaineering brings me back to the old me.) Thankfully, as we pass by Tito Jun's house, he was already up and he agreed to take me to Cubao. (Wow, answered prayers express, just like old times noh?) We still got lost, we passed by Edsa twice, but getting lost is so much more convenient when you're in a car. Finally; the 5star Terminal, I was not the last one to arrive. Good morning everyone!

...enjoy lang, no drama...
That would be my personal theme for this climb and with every step, I am leaving every trace of drama on the muddy road. With exception of the mud, I like this trail; it is filled with greenery and very shady. I keep seeing visions of a muddy highschool foundation day. It was freshman year, the creek beside the school overflowed; turning the school into mudlandia. While arguably there had been less mud during the foundation day, it had been raining then making the dried mud go soft again making our jogging pants every laundry woman's nightmare. Anyway, the memory I am seeing is me, with a clasmate walking through the driveway with the intention of going to Mcdo. There's a new McDonald's a few blocks away from the school and everyone in class is going there. I love it there, for all four years of highschool, it had been the ultimate meeting place and afterschool hang-out. Its sad it was closed down and turned into Jollibee. Oh well, atleast we get to keep the memories.

We are lagging behind. The beginners are surprisingly fast. He offered to carry my bag; I know from the mountain review I have read that we are nowhere near half point, how could he think I'm already tired? What would the others think? Sigh. Enjoy lang no drama, remember? From what I've gathered he doesn't normally offer help carrying bags; minsan lang 'to, might as well abuse, err humor him.

With the exception of my mother and my grandparents, he must be the kindest person to me. Sigh. I have to make sure that I don't become dependent on him. So far, I am doing fine, he lets me navigate the trail on my own; never telling me what to do or where to go. When I have doubts, he has a single reply: Kaya yan. It has to be said, he is a big help with boosting this self-confidence thing; still it assuring to know, that if ever madulas ako sa bangin kaya nya kong saluhin.

Back to the trail. As I have mentioned, may mga bangin; more like mini-bangin because are actually the path of the mini waterfalls. The waterfalls were mesmerizing. I remember, bus rides where I can see mini waterfalls going down the side of the mountain, ngayon pwede ko na silang hawakan. Cool, fresh water wow!
There are dead tress blocking the trail. I hate them for two reasons: it takes a lot of effort getting over them and the idea of a dead tree is so sad. But over all, I love the feeling that I seem to be in a the navel of a forest. Sa maraming puno mayroong dinosaur.

We had been trekking for hours, we are almost crawling. He said: Ang sarap ng feeling na hinihingal ka noh. Obviously, he never had asthma or had his lungs give up on him. It rained. Wow, its not like the mud isn't slippery enough. It also made it imposible for me to see with my glasses. But the rain also made the others pace slower so we no longer lagged behind and it gave us the most amazing rainbow I have ever seen. There's a kiss at the end of a rainbow, more precious than a pot of gold.


Originally, 3pm was the original "collapse time" but since we were still at the thick of the woods then, I only got to lay down by 5. My back, my sides, my legs feels so tired. My body feels like dipping into the earth. After changing, I am wearing four layers of clothing; then I notice a guy from the other group shirtless. Huh. Hindi nga pantay-pantay ang paggawa ni God sa skin ng tao. Oh well, buti na lang naimbento ang clothes. Dinner. Rozza was right; food taste better in the wilderness. Even with missing ingredients and over cooked pasta, the tuna macaroni tasted so good.

Socials. I wasn't wrong, his shoulders feels so nice to lean on to. We got voted King and Queen of the mountain. I saw that coming, I wanted to ask if it comes with a crown. I had never won anything with the title "Queen" before. But I just didn't react, nor did he. I did not expect a starry night on Tarak, but there seem to be a people power in the skies. I can't recognize any constellations though, it just looks like one big rally.

Fastforward to dawn. Its breathtaking. I miss watching the sun rise. How many years had it been, when I use to postpone sleep during bus rides just to witness it? It felt ages ago. I miss that "brand new day" feeling. There was a rock on the way to the summit where I rested for awhile after slipping, and its now one of my favorite places on earth. If you sit there, you would not want to go anywhere else.

Sigh, but I know, I have to go down sometime. The long trek down does not look inviting. I console myself with the thought that its easier getting down than going up. We had lunch by the Papaya river; I soaked my feet in, sigh water have amazing soothing properties. I don't know if it was just me but there seem to be more dead trees blocking the way than before or maybe I just did not remember them; maybe my memory blocked them out.

We reached Manang's house atlast, and the sweet bukojuice I have been craving since morning. We took a rest and had a few more photo ops. Some of the girls want to achieve the "jump shot" and I just have to wonder: where do they get that kind of energy?

Oh well, atleast we are finally going home. We did not have time to eat dinner so someone just bought instant noodle soup for everyone. That was really sweet. It rained really hard, good thing we are on our way to back to Manila. I did not expect to get any sleep during the ride. But it was surprisingly a short trip and after an hour we are back in Quezon City.

We got off at Aurora Boulevard and took a jeep to Taft. I have read stories about Aurora Blvd. and now I understand what it is all about. It is such a defining moment whenever fiction creeps in to my reality. Nonetheless, Aurora is a sad picture. It just looks forsaken.
Sigh. I never tought I would ever want to stretch Espana longer. But that is what was going through my mind during the jeepney ride. I guess I don't want to say goodbye yet. Perhaps its because I know there is something intangible, something I could never name that I could never take home with me(nor could he) and must be left behind at corner of Lacson and Espana. It does not really belong to either of us. Hay, good thing the sight of UST, though bathe in darkness never fails to stir up memories. I honestly wished Jona or JP, Meng or Kat would hail down the jeep and share the rest of the ride with me. It would be nice to have someone to talk to.

*******************


I have always had this fantasy: to sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world. Whenever I feel that life is sucking the life out of me, I envision my self on top of a mountain, letting out my barbaric yawp and immediately after; I would feel rejuvinated. All the worries and all the gloom are just particles that the air is driving away to be lost at the sea. But I haven't done it yet. There's something with the view from the top that makes me want to just be quiet. It is stunningly beautiful, it is a priviledge to see it. How can you go barbaric if that much beauty if in front of you? So I just sit there and marvel at it; breathing deeply, as if I can inhale all that glorious blue and greens. Someday, I would let out my barbaric yawp but it won't be because of quarter-life angst. It will be because I am so damn happy, I have to shout it to the whole world. That day will come, someday.

There had been numerous chances where I would question myself why I am getting into mountaineering, specially whenever I have to go over a tree but the answer is everywhere around me, it is even in the question itself. It is because of the trees that I get to hug, the rocks I climb onto, the dirt that clings on my shoes, the flowers that make me smile, the insects that keep us company, and the view that makes me feel so small and so lucky to be beholding it. Because of every breath I have to catch, every hurried beat of my heart. (oh that was a cheesy phrase but I dont know how to say without sounding like a boy band song.) Mountaineering also gave me people I am so grateful to have met. Most importantly, mountaineering woke up the sleeping voice in me that believes that I can do it too.

I can do it too.

Reality

It seems like there is no escaping it. Sigh.

Even my escape world (which no longer deserves to be called as such) had been infiltered by it. As much as I want to; I can not reality-proof it, because it is made up of real people. They are not sims characters so I could not manipulate their lives, naturally they are bound to encounter problems because they all have real lives. And so they affect my escape world. At least there is still gossip girl, i mean, forums about gossip girl.

I genuinely wish I could solve their problems. I recently realized I'm better at solving other people's concern than my own. But I barely know this people and I don't really want to intrude, except that I sort of promised someone that I would solve it. My exact words are: sabihin mo lang, susolusyunan ko. What prompted me to say that, I would never understand. He was terribly bothered by the complications that the main issue had spawned, he already has all sort of probplems as it is; maybe I want to lighten his load. So far, on my attempt to be super problem-solver; all I have done are to create a multiply account, post a comment and text the person involve in the main issue, subtly hinting to reconsider his decision. I am not doing a very good job.

What I need to do is to convince the others to just choose the easier mountain. Atleast, we would no longer have to worry about safety (which i think is someone's main concern; which in turn makes me feel a bit guilty because I know I'm the least physically coordinated among the group), but could still have all the escape that the mountains have to offer. Save the bigger adventures for when the group is more, umm... whole. If it can ever be whole again. The thing is I don't have the guts to say that, since I don't think I have the right to tell them what to do. Or I could risk proving that I am such a princess, I just have to get what I want. They would probably give in. I know they would give in because they know I get special treatment form someone that I am not suppose to have in the first place. Which makes me guilty all the more. Argh... escape worlds should be drama free!!!

I just want 2 stress-free days on the mountains, among the trees and under the great blue sky. Be awe-struck by the view and feel incredibly small. I just want to get away form the city, from reality, from me.

Para kay Rozza

Ikaw at Iyong mga Awit/ Ikaw ang Awit

Lagi mong yakap ang gitara at pinupuno ang bahay ng musika.
Hindi ka na nagkukuwento puwera sa gitarang hingahan ng sikreto.
Pag-ibig ang sinasambit ng awit at nagulat ako na may alam ka dito.

Pag-ibig
-taksil ang salita.
balot ng pait
ang melodiyang
nagpangako ng tamis.

Ngayong ikaw ay natutulog
At walang muwang pinanood,
may luhang nakaalpas sa iyong mata.
Batid kong ikaw mismo gustong makawala.

Palihim mong binubuksan ang tarangkahan
Ng bakuran ng iyong kainosentehan.
Balak mong hanapin ang mundo kung saan
Ang mga awitin ay walang katapusan.

Nagaalangan ako
kung dapat ba akong magtayo ng tore
sa paligid mo at panain
ang sinumang mangangahas
sumakop sa iyo.
o hayaan kang lumaboy
sa siyudad kung saan
ang magnanakaw at bayani
ay magkatabi sa daan.
Kung saan ang pag-ibig
Ay sa awit lang matatagpuan.

Takot ako na maligaw ka sa pasikot-sikot.
At di matagpuan ang mundong inaasam.

pero mas natatakot akong ‘di na marinig ang mga awit mo.

************
i wrote this sometime 2004, but i will always feel this way. always.

Dear Jona

Mabuhay! (channeling kirai here)

Welcome back sa pinakamaganda, pinakamasaya at pinakanakakalokang bansa sa buong mundo! I'm glad you got back safe and sound. JR told me na gusto ka munang solohin ng family mo and I totally understand, I know how much they missed you. But I miss you too and since I can't see you, I'm gonna resort back to my highschool ways and write you a letter! yey!

First of all, put your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder and give your self a big hug!(sana hinug mo talaga yung sarili mo kasi sayang naman ang effort ko). HUG!

So how are you? Tumaba ka na ba? Ako kasi tumaba na. Nacoconfuse nga yung utak ko tuwing tumitingin ako sa salamin eh. Si Kirai, normal ang katawan. Healthy looking na sya. Pero syempre feeling nya mataba pa rin sya kahit mas malaki na yung braso ko kaysa sa kanya. I don't know kung tumaba si Bheng. She looks ok. I don't think mukhang busog yung tyan nya. Si JP? I have no idea. Hindi ko pinagtutuunan ng pansin ang katawan nya. I'm guessing better than when he was sick.

Oh my gosh, nakwento ko na ba sayo? Nanlibre si JP ng sine! Nanood kami ng Twillight. Kasama namin si Kat and one of their 1st year classmates. Tapos kasama ko si Rozza. Medyo kasi nag-worry tungkol sa job nya, gumana kasi ang pag ka sarcastic, ayun nanlibre. Nakwento ko na ata to eh, pero ok lang. Parang mga feature stories lang tuwing All Saint's day, paulit-ulit every year. JP talaga, very ghostly.

Nag-exchange gifts kami nung christmas! Ang theme namin: Something Nakaw. This is how it started: Bheng and I were chatting over ym. Sabi nya she wants to do something for christmas, kahit simple lang. So yun, exchange gifts tapos she jokingly suggested na something nakaw; nag-game ako tapos kami na rin nagdecide kung pano yung flow. Yna -> Kirai -> JP -> Bheng. Hindi kasama si Joma kasi as usual missing in action sya. Si JP, kj, gift nya kay Bheng yung book ni Atalia; binili nya sa powerbooks. Bheng gave me a her officemate's Lipton Tea coaster. Dpat daw kasama yung cup kaso may laman, alangan naman maghugas pa sya. I gave Kirai a poinsettia flower na kinuha ko sa christmas tree sa isang bangko. I stole from a bank! Tapos si Kirai wala pang gift kay JP, di pa kasi sila nagkikita. Dapat magkikita-kita kami sa reunion ng ca7, pero dahil tinamad ako at di ko macontact si Kirai di na ko pumunta. At dahil dun, nakatanggap ako ng isang mapaka-makabagbag-damdaming text mula kay JP. Ang sabi ng text, "Where the hell are you guys?" Grabe, parang narinig ko talaga si JP habang binabasa ko iyon, kaya di ko sya binura.

Pero alam mo ba ang hottest news ng christmas season? Hold onto something steady kasi tiyak na mapapatumbling ka sa balita ko. Better yet, ihanda mo na ang tumbling pose mo dahil sigurado naman na tutumbling ka. Ito na:

Si ML* may boyfriend.(name had been changed, you know who she is naman di ba?)

Yes, you read it right. BOYfriend. As in certified na boy.

Ito ang kwento. His name is Cris, sa harbour nya nakilala pero hindi na daw nagwowork dun. Nagkukulitan lang sila sa text at nagmwah-mwah sila dun. Tapos bumanat yung guy, kung in person ba daw ay ikikiss din sya ni ML at ang reply ni ML ay "why not!" Kaya ayun, one time magkasama sila sa orange jeep ay hiningi ni guy ang kiss at binigay naman ni ML. Ayun sila na.

Pero break na sila ngayon. Nakita ni ML sa friendster ni guy na interested in dating men and women ang papa nya. kaya ayun break. I guess gusto nyang gayahin si ML at itry din ang ibang options, malay natin sa susunod ineterested in dating animals naman si loko. Hay... madami talagang sinisirang relasyon ang friendster. Kaya nga binura ko na yung akin eh.

eh ikaw? Kamusta ang love life? Aktibo pa ba ang bulkan? Si JP... he had always been secretive pero have you checked out his blog lately? may something sa entry nya pero as usual walang details but there's definitely something. Bheng is living happily ever after. She is shifting careers at medyo stressful ito pero pagdating sa lovelife okey na okey sya.

And me...ahh me... I'm into DB more than ever. I know little about him, but I love everything I know about him. I like the sound of his voice. Nagbabaaon sya ng lunch sa office. He is generally polite and accomodating. He has nice shoulders.
I lost interest in him some months ago and there were a lot of drama on my part which I am going to spare you from because I don't want any proof of it. Then, I felt like someone slap me on the face. I overheard his boss setting him up on with some girl. I first thought: Woah! He is so single, his boss is actually setting him up on a date. Then I thought, what if he called her, then they went on a date. Ofcourse, she will fall for him. She cannot possibly resist his heavenly smile. Then, what if he settles and they end up together, and even have a nice life.

It would be nice. but it won't be GREAT. because it wouldn't be with me!

Girl, tama ako di ba?

And with love, we have to aspire for something great, we can't just settle for the mundane, the easy or the readily available. It wouldn't be love at all. I know its silly that I'm talking about love, but that is the biggest thing I like about him; for once, I can just be a silly girl. A simple silly girl who is not worrying about the world. Minsan kasi nakakapagod din problemahin ang mundo. Ayun.

Siblings Update!

Rozza had gone back to her capitalistic origins and had finally made peace with the fact that communism wont work with her. She loves Mcdonalds too much. May bago syang racket, customized painted shoes. For 500php, you get awesome sneakers. And JR, hay nako, si JR. Ang corny ng kapatid mo dude. Kapatid mo nga. But I try to look past that, he is a really nice kid and he misses his ate so much. All he really wants is for your family to stay together. But don't tell him I told you this, you know teenage boys, not comfortable sharing their emotions. hehe, umuwi ka lang, he'll be fine.

So there, I have already used up two leaves of notebook. I hope you enjoy your stay here. Enjoy your family, they missed you a lot. And girl, lagi kang mag-iingat dun ha! para bumalik ka sa min.


Always,

Bukopie

This is for him.

...apparently things are not yet over.

December Chill

The city is freezing.
And your stare
killed the last
flicker of fire.


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i'm way behind my blog entries, i know.