Chopsuey thoughts

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, ang daming laman ng utak ko. Kaso, kung ikukumpara sila sa mga nangyayari sa mundo, nawawalan sila ng tila wala silang halaga. Pakiramdam ko tuloy na dapat hindi ko sila iniisip dahil wala naman silang katuturan.

Biru mo naman, may isang ina na naghahanap ng hustisya para sa kanyang panganay na binawian ng buhay dahil umano sa hazing. Wala akong sapat na kaalaman tungkol sa mga frat pero may alam ako tungkol sa hinagpis na nadarama sa pagkawala ng minamahal. Hindi ko maalis sa isip ko iyung imahe ng ina nang siya ay mahimatay sa libing ng kanyang anak. At tuwing nakikita ko ang kapatid ng namatay sa balita, naiisip ko na malamang tinatanong niya ngayon sa sarili kung paano pupunan ang pagkawala ng kanyang kuya. Ang mga pangakong naiwan nito, siya na ngayon ang dapat tumupad noon. Masyadong malaki at mabigat ang lahat para maintindihan ng kanyang musmos na isip.

Tapos, may dalawang magkapatid na tinaboy ng kanilang sariling tito na kanilang tinutuluyan. Kahit ang kanilang ina ay hindi sila matulungan.

May mga kabataang lalaki at babae na nakikipagbakbakan sa gera sa kasalukuyan. Madami sa kanila, mas bata pa sa akin. Wala pang pano ang kanilang presidente kung paano at kelan sila papauwiin.

May isang maybahay na wala ng maiharap na mukha sa mga kapit-bahay niya dahil sa pangalawang pagkakataon, pinapablatter na naman ang kanyang mister sa barangay dahil nanggugulo ito. Nakakatanggap din siya ng mga banta galing sa mga nakakaaway ng mister niya.

Nung isang lingo ginunita ang anibersaryo ng martial law. Madami ang nagsasabi na ang mga nangyayari noong panahon ng martial law ay nangyayari ulit ngayon. Ganoon ba talaga tayo kabilis makalimot? Nung isang lingo din ay napanood ko ang palabas na Boston Legal, tumatak sa akin ang pahayag na ginamit bilag closing argument ng isa sa mga bida. Kinuha nila ito sa isang libro na sinulat ng isang kristyanong pastor tungkol sa karanasan niya noong panahon ng mga Nazi. Ito ang salin sa tagalog:

Nang lipulin nila ang mga komunista, hindi ako nagsalita dahil hindi naman ako komunista.

Nang lipulin nila ang mga mamahayag, hindi ako nagsalita dahil hindi naman ako mamahayag.

Nang lipulin nila ang mga hudyo, hindi ako nagsalita dahil hindi naman ako hudyo.

Nang lipulin nila ang mga katoliko, hindi ako nagsalita dahil naman ako katoliko.

Nang ako naman ang nilipul nila, wala nang natira para magsalita.

Ang daming nawawala, ang daming pinapaslang, ang daming anomalya. At ang lahat ng ito ay nangyayari gamit ang maskara ng demokrasya.

O hindi ba, paano ko magawang problemahin ang mga napakababaw na bagay kung ganito ang nangyayari sa mundo? Pero sige, isusulat ko na din ang mga mababaw na bagay na pinag-iintindi ko.

Nakita ko si Jun sa UP at nang kinamusta niya ako ay kinawayan ko lang siya kahit na ang dami kong gustong ikwento sa kanya. Lalo akong nakukumbinse na may mali sa personalidad ko.

Sinabi sa akin ng aking napakagaling na kapatid na hindi siya makapaniwala na nagkagusto ako sa isang tao na hindi ko naman kilala. Si Dollar Boy ang tinutukoy niya. May super powers ang ngiti ni Dollar Boy, ano ang magagawa ko?

Natalo ang UST sa Ateneo noong Linggo. Tapos na ang season nila sa UAAP. Ang mahirap lang sa UAAP, kada taon, may manlalaro na nagpapaalam. Hindi mo alam kung mapapanood mo pa ulit sila maglaro. Makapaglaro man sila sa ibang liga, hindi mo na rin sila ganoon ka-gusto kasi hindi naman na sila naglalaro para sa unibersidad mo. Hay...

Hindi maalis sa utak ang isang linya ng kanta..."Sweet dreams are made of these", wala namang sweet sa mga panaginip ko.

Malapit na ang birthday ni Jona. Ito ang una niyang kaarawan na malayo sa kanyang pamilya at mga kaibigan. hay..

Siguro kailangan ko lang ilathala ang mga ito para maalis na sila sa utak ko.

Magiiwan ako ng kataga galing kay Confucious:
"If you have to shoot for the moon and the stars, that's okay but you have to shoot for something."





pahabol lang,

para sa iyo,

I want to share your fish tank.
Don't worry. I'm small, I won't take so much space.

Oh...This Piratey Love!

Once upon a time in the ocean of Sage
A young lad and lass was bonded by fate.
Seeking adventures of piratey life they
Stumble on a treasure far grander than
Kraken's blood.

Here is Strangebrew a bright-eyed
Buccaneer pillaging the seas to be
The best pirate there is. She works
Hard on her duty, whatever that may be.
In return she wins friends and lots of
POEs.

Then she met Khaetlil a more seasoned
Sailor. He had mastered the waves and
The whims of the sea. As he guide Brewie
To the ways of the sea he also found
The secret passages to the enclaves of her
heart.

As they roam the seas to find adventures
And treasures, they also found friendship
(and more!) that is definitely more dear.
Though at times they can be such meanies
And hurt one another, they just do that
To drown out feelings that they can't tell
One another.

But alas! The clouds parted, the sun is
Shining. The waves have calm down and
The wind is singing. That's because Brew
And Khae had finally told how they care
For each other and are ready to tell everyone
That indeed, they are together!


-----------------------
for Jean, you're no longer a drama queen.

I am 70% confident he wouldn't get to read this anyway

He was three hours late. He actually forgot about the whole thing. He thought since I didn't show up for their art exhibit the other night, I wasn't interested. I did texted him, but since he changed cellphones, my name didn't register and he isn't the type to text "hu u?".

Although I tried to amuse myself with what the mall has to offer, it really is no fun to window shop alone. I was secretly glad my sister wasn't available to join us, but I wished she was with me at that time. With ample time to spend, I had perfected what I was going to tell him. I wasn't mad. Most girls would be, but I wasn't into it. Besides, I'm tired; getting mad tales effort.

When he came up to me, I hesitated to speak. I realized, I was a little bummed and I wasn't sure I would sound friendly. I think he had spoken five sentences before I blurted out that he should never do it again. "It" meaning make a girl wait for three hours.

We walked towards the National Gallery. As we were about to cross Taft Ave. he suddenly gripped my hand, I pressed back and then I saw the bus that nearly hit us. (The traffic sign said walk!) His touch didn't send tingling shivers through out my body. I guess, when you realize you almost got hit by a bus tingling shivers are the last thing you will feel. The museum was already close when we got there. Sayang.

We walked towards the park. He suggested something to get something to eat. But I was more tired than hungry so we sat on one of the benches. I hadn't been at that park in years. It was refreshing. You wouldn't hear the traffic sounds (which is weird because there was a road right beside it), the tree offer soothing shades and the students practicing their dance routine add life to the scene. It is a nice place to sit and talk.

Beside me, sat a guy who is more updated about my life right now than most of my friends. I've told him things I would never tell my sister. I don't think I really know much about him except that we like a lot of similar things and we sort of connect. But at that moment, we don't know what to talk about. I'm afraid I bored him. (not entirely my fault, I was already tired!) I guess, we were still adjusting to each other's presence, okay maybe I am still adjusting. Normally, friends get closer as they spend time with one another and share experiences. We became friends while facing a screen.

He has really long eyelashes. Long straight eyelashes. Like Bambi's. Ha! He wanted me to open up, like tell him my deepest desires, fears, wishes and secrets. So, its not enough that I've told him things I would never tell people who have known me since birth. He wants all walls down. I don't that. Well, at least not immediately.

He can be pretty charming and irritating at the same time. He won't shut up about the whole never-been-kissed-and-not-having-a-boyfriend thing. He finished high school at Ateneo, no wonder he can be such a smart ass. But he really is smart. And funny. And a little awkward, which is cute. And most of all, he is scary. because I know he can disarm me. I realized that when he was being silent and his eyes were looking tired.

Yes, there was one time I wanted to kick him but there was a couple of times when I wished he will hold my hand instead of holding on to my shoulder. Seriously, who holds on to one's shoulder?

He is getting into my system. You know, like a liquid slowly seeping through the door. It seems that I want to keep him at arms lenght but I also feel like just grabbing his hand and fly.

or something close to that. something more realistic and if possible, less scary.

He's got really long eyelashes.