This is my first time to lead a climb. I am so proud of myself!
***********
Since all the guys are in Bicol for the Araw ng Kagitingan weekend holiday, it was the perfect day to embark on our secret-just-us-girls climb. With Rozza, Jean, Mona and Eden, I went back to the charming Batulao; this time with no extra hands to keep me steady or the assurance that someone would catch me if I happen to slip and fell of a cliff. More importantly, I am the one responsible for this climb. I even got to have a whistle!.we could not feel the harshness of the summer heat. We planned to take the old trail and back, because that was the trail we know but since we met some climbers that vouched for the new trail to be easier, we ended up taking it. Mona reasoned so that we will have something new to tell them. It did seem relatively easy but before long, I started wishing for the shade that trees on the old trail offered. At the new trail, there are no time for stops except for the designated camps, you just have to keep on walking. If there is a Batulao Old Trail facebook page, I want to become a fan. There was a time when we felt like action stars because we were clutching at the rocks on the side of the mountain to keep us steady, since at the other side is a cliff that would take a lot of tumbling down before you reach the bottom. And before we knew it(literally, we really did not know) we had reached the summit. I did not recognized it because there was no shed selling softdrinks at the summit the last time I was there. Also, it was marked camp 10, I honestly heard the lady at camp 7 say that the new trail is up to camp 12, so I was looking forward for camp 11 and 12. But no, camps 11 and 12 does not exist in Batulao, may be in some other mountain. Also I was looking out for the boulder that the team climbed the last time we were there, it turned out to be the group of rocks we had our photo session on. No wonder that tile with an image of Flight to Egypt looked familiar to me. Good thing someone asked where the summit is and Manong, obviously amused, told us that we are right on it. Since we became nostalgic for the old trail, we decided to traverse and go down using it. I forgot that I hated the trail going down from camp 9 to 7. I still can not believe how I survived it the first time considering it was already dark when we went down from the summit. I guess its true, ignorance is bliss. If you are not aware of the cliff that is dangerously close to your path (path? more like rolling rocks), then there is no reason to be afraid. Camp 7 does not look too far from summit, I think it took us a good 20 minutes to reach it. Or maybe it just seemed longer because it was so uncomfortable. Not to mention the heat, it was then past 12 and the stones felt like frying pans on our hands. We joked that we would be having fried palm coated with dust for lunch. That's another thing, we looked like chocolate espasol. We were covered with a thick layer of dust, even our arms and legs considering we were wearing long sleeves and pants. I don't remember being this dirty last time around, because if we were and we slept without cleaning up, then eww. Seriously, I used five wet tissues on my hands yet I could still see dust clogging my pores. But it is clean enough to eat lunch, after all when you are out there in the wilderness, you can't be too squeamish with things like cleanliness. We had lunch at camp 6, where we held camp before. There used to be a small patch of grass under the shade but instead we got more dust, but of course that did not stop us from resting our backs and lying on it. Rozza took a nap on a tree trunk that serves the purposes of a couch in a civilized home. It amaze me how my sister could just sleep anywhere. I need to learn that skill. About 2pm we started our descent. Everyone agreed that the old trail is easier, especially Eden, who is a first-timer. She said that this kind of trail was what she expected and not the death-defying thing we did earlier. Still, we had more stops because when we weren't walking under the shade, the heat is so intense. Plus there are more opportunities to rest and we were confident that we would reach the start-off point by sundown, so there is no point in rushing. By 4pm we had reached the houses near the jump-off and had caught up with the group of mountaineers that urged us to take the new trail. I am so proud of my newly developed social easiness with other climbers, even if they are complete strangers and we have nothing in common except that we walked the same path as they did. We also had the best iced-candy I ever had, which Manong kindly got from another house just because I asked for it. Mountaineering lets me witness how nice and accommodating strangers can be. I thought our pace was so slow because we were two hours behind the itinerary we were following(which we did not really follow it because it was the itinerary for the old trail) but they reminded me that this is a no time pressure climb and just think, if Mona brought her camera we would be delayed a lot later. What matter is that all of us are still walking.
Around 5:30, we were ready to go back to Manila. I just lead a climb and we all got down safe and alive! Snaps!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
O Kalisungan! Ang Bagsik mo!
I guess it was a mistake, right from the start, to think that we could ever exact revenge on a mountain. When the guys first climbed Mt. Kalisungan, they weren't really challenged, they ended up being bored. They said that after what I had experienced at Tarak, I'm just gonna laugh at this trail. We forgot the most important rule in mountaineering, never underestimate a mountain. Never underestimate a mountain! The result: the most miserable night of my life.
***********************
Six months after my last climb, my legs are raging to go. Mt. Kalisungan is in Victoria, Laguna and I'm thrilled to be traveling to the more eastern part of this province. It has this romantic, rustic charm that I just don't feel in Cavite or Bulacan. We passed by the town of Bay and I swear I could smell the delicious aroma of Monay Bay. It's one of the best bread ever! By 10am we arrived at Victoria and had an early lunch, then after some rest we started our trek. We were 18 in the group and that was the biggest group of climbers I had ever been with, it seem like we are in jamboree. Not that I have ever been in a jamboree, but I know it involves a lot of people. We joined Jeff at the head of the trail because, I am now much more confident with my trekking skills and I know Rozza is faster than most people and would get bored anywhere else but the front. It feels good to be the leading for a change, you get more rest and you don't have to wait for the one in front of you to move on. The trail in Kalisungan is very cool and shady. It is similar to Tarak but less stressful, no brooks you have to cross, you don't have to cling on rocks for your life and no dead trees you have to hurdle. Just lush greenery all around you. Sid warned us it would be so hot because of the practice of kaingin. I think the typhoons made this trail much more bearable. We did not notice it but that must have been the first clue that Sid's account on what to expect may no longer be applicable. It is amazing how a mountain could change that fast. Sir King said the grasses and the trees weren't there before, it is almost like a new trail. The last stretch was really steep and windy, plus there is also a light drizzle! This is so bad for my lungs. We got at the summit way before the others (wee!),so we have to wait for them. But Rozza and I were way cold that we can't just stand around. So we explore more of the camp site and ran around. There is something so joyful with running on a mountain, it is so liberating, like you are a child again. Only, I did not really ran much when I was a child, much less on a grassy mountain. So it just feels out of this world for me.
After resting for a while, we started cooking but the winds are making it so difficult. This starts our struggle against the winds of Kalisungan. When the sun started to set, I started getting worried. Our food took forever to be cooked and during dinner time, we just ate our food inside the tent because staying outside is so uncomfortable. It was supposed to be humid, with lots of insects flying around. Those were the things we were told to expect, but no insect would survive these winds. I thought of wearing a malong over my already multi-layered clothes but it just made me feel like I'm in a parachute. The tents also needed to be rearrange to protect everyone from the wind and you can just ask the guys how stressful that was. So after the tent rearrangement, our tent was placed at the back of Sir Mike and Ma'am Rose's tent, right beside the slope. I get that Sir M's tent would block the winds for our tent but it does not stop me from imagining our tent tumbling down the slope. Sometimes vivid imagination sucks. Anyway, tired bones must sleep, even if the winds are howling, we must try. Surprisingly, I slept better compared to my other camping experiences; but when I woke in the middle of the night the image of a tent tumbling down comes back and the winds are really making me question why I am not in the safety of my own bed. It also started to rain. I hear b\voices so it is comforting to know that I am not the only one awake on this miserable night. Meanwhile, I was contemplating when would be the acceptable time to barge into either Sid's or Jeff's tent for refuge but when I felt a small puddle with my foot, I immediately woke up Rozza and gathered our stuff. We transferred to Sid and Tina's tent. Soon enough, other tents are waking up because they are getting flooded too; except for Sir King and Jeff who seemed to be oblivious to our sufferings. All of us are now waiting for the sunrise because sunrise would mean the end of this miserable night. Anyway, since I am paranoid I still keep on checking up our tent, just too make sure it was still there. The wind was still very strong but the rain had stopped and the skies had cleared; wow! The view is amazing, the sky is full of stars and lakes are reflecting them, further you can see the lights of nearby Laguna towns. It's a shame that we could not enjoy the view.
Much later than we had hoped, the sun finally showed up. The winds were still not letting up but at least I no longer see our tent rolling down the slope of Kalisungan. We had breakfast and packed up, when we were ready to leave it started to rain again, we are actually among the clouds. The trail became really muddy and we had to use a makeshift cane to keep us from slipping. We are at the end tail, so we had no idea why we weren't moving like we are buses on EDSA. It was like that for sometime so on our first "real" stop, I made sure we are not at the back. After a lot of sliding in the mud and laughter we finally made it back to the starting point. Kalisungan's trail is by far my favorite but the camp out was really horrible, I don't want to go through that again. Would I come back to Kalisungan? Maybe but not during January.
***********************
Six months after my last climb, my legs are raging to go. Mt. Kalisungan is in Victoria, Laguna and I'm thrilled to be traveling to the more eastern part of this province. It has this romantic, rustic charm that I just don't feel in Cavite or Bulacan. We passed by the town of Bay and I swear I could smell the delicious aroma of Monay Bay. It's one of the best bread ever! By 10am we arrived at Victoria and had an early lunch, then after some rest we started our trek. We were 18 in the group and that was the biggest group of climbers I had ever been with, it seem like we are in jamboree. Not that I have ever been in a jamboree, but I know it involves a lot of people. We joined Jeff at the head of the trail because, I am now much more confident with my trekking skills and I know Rozza is faster than most people and would get bored anywhere else but the front. It feels good to be the leading for a change, you get more rest and you don't have to wait for the one in front of you to move on. The trail in Kalisungan is very cool and shady. It is similar to Tarak but less stressful, no brooks you have to cross, you don't have to cling on rocks for your life and no dead trees you have to hurdle. Just lush greenery all around you. Sid warned us it would be so hot because of the practice of kaingin. I think the typhoons made this trail much more bearable. We did not notice it but that must have been the first clue that Sid's account on what to expect may no longer be applicable. It is amazing how a mountain could change that fast. Sir King said the grasses and the trees weren't there before, it is almost like a new trail. The last stretch was really steep and windy, plus there is also a light drizzle! This is so bad for my lungs. We got at the summit way before the others (wee!),so we have to wait for them. But Rozza and I were way cold that we can't just stand around. So we explore more of the camp site and ran around. There is something so joyful with running on a mountain, it is so liberating, like you are a child again. Only, I did not really ran much when I was a child, much less on a grassy mountain. So it just feels out of this world for me.
After resting for a while, we started cooking but the winds are making it so difficult. This starts our struggle against the winds of Kalisungan. When the sun started to set, I started getting worried. Our food took forever to be cooked and during dinner time, we just ate our food inside the tent because staying outside is so uncomfortable. It was supposed to be humid, with lots of insects flying around. Those were the things we were told to expect, but no insect would survive these winds. I thought of wearing a malong over my already multi-layered clothes but it just made me feel like I'm in a parachute. The tents also needed to be rearrange to protect everyone from the wind and you can just ask the guys how stressful that was. So after the tent rearrangement, our tent was placed at the back of Sir Mike and Ma'am Rose's tent, right beside the slope. I get that Sir M's tent would block the winds for our tent but it does not stop me from imagining our tent tumbling down the slope. Sometimes vivid imagination sucks. Anyway, tired bones must sleep, even if the winds are howling, we must try. Surprisingly, I slept better compared to my other camping experiences; but when I woke in the middle of the night the image of a tent tumbling down comes back and the winds are really making me question why I am not in the safety of my own bed. It also started to rain. I hear b\voices so it is comforting to know that I am not the only one awake on this miserable night. Meanwhile, I was contemplating when would be the acceptable time to barge into either Sid's or Jeff's tent for refuge but when I felt a small puddle with my foot, I immediately woke up Rozza and gathered our stuff. We transferred to Sid and Tina's tent. Soon enough, other tents are waking up because they are getting flooded too; except for Sir King and Jeff who seemed to be oblivious to our sufferings. All of us are now waiting for the sunrise because sunrise would mean the end of this miserable night. Anyway, since I am paranoid I still keep on checking up our tent, just too make sure it was still there. The wind was still very strong but the rain had stopped and the skies had cleared; wow! The view is amazing, the sky is full of stars and lakes are reflecting them, further you can see the lights of nearby Laguna towns. It's a shame that we could not enjoy the view.
Much later than we had hoped, the sun finally showed up. The winds were still not letting up but at least I no longer see our tent rolling down the slope of Kalisungan. We had breakfast and packed up, when we were ready to leave it started to rain again, we are actually among the clouds. The trail became really muddy and we had to use a makeshift cane to keep us from slipping. We are at the end tail, so we had no idea why we weren't moving like we are buses on EDSA. It was like that for sometime so on our first "real" stop, I made sure we are not at the back. After a lot of sliding in the mud and laughter we finally made it back to the starting point. Kalisungan's trail is by far my favorite but the camp out was really horrible, I don't want to go through that again. Would I come back to Kalisungan? Maybe but not during January.
Monday, January 04, 2010
2009 was a Rollercoaster
What a year, what a year... everyone seem to be cursing 2009 for all the misfortunes it brought but for me it was a thrilling, sometimes hellish (yes, I learned some valuable lessons but do I ever want to go through this again? Definitely, no!) year. At the end, the good outnumbers the bad and here are the significant events:
This is the year I conquered great (literal) heights!
I climbed mountains this year. If you met me before 2009 and I told you about my new hobby, you would think I'm kidding. You would even joked about my lung's capacity to do such a thing. Then, I would just flash you a really smug smile. Mt. Batulao was amazing. It's like a breath of fresh air in this polluted murky world that is my life. Somewhere between Batulao's twin peaks, I started believing in myself again. To do something no one, not even myself, thought I could do; just feels so unbelievably awesome, that I would be forever thankful to Moni for inviting me to be part of her, err... semi-stalking escapade. I also made new friends, I grew, learned and experienced a lot more because of them. Special mention should go to Sid, who I judged to be The Friend of the Year for 2009. Having a male buddy to sort out all kinds of drama is nice, but if that male buddy has a psychology degree and you can get therapy sessions for free; that is way, way better. Plus the loyalty he gave me through all that K situation (breaking the bro code and all), saved me from a really complicated deep shit.
Overall, mountaineering gave me a new perspective on life that I begin to hope again. It also started a fire inside me that pushes me to enjoy life anew.
Another defining event was when I cut my hair really short and finally heeded the call of hairdresser everywhere to undergo relax treatment. I'm almost unrecognizable. I lost my fragile look and I look, can you believe it? Edgy. I could pass for a member of UP PEP, if only I could do back flips. Sometimes I miss my long hair, but for now I enjoy the freedom my short hair affords me.
2009 was not all fun, fun, adventure; it has its dark moments too. The depression bouts are harder this year because now, I'm fully aware that I am depressed unlike before when I just zoned out and escape it. But since I am aware of what is happening to me, I am now better in dealing with it. Plus, the realizations and insights I gain after the drama are very helpful in my healing process. At least now, I'm no longer in denial and I'm keeping my eyes and mind open. Let's just hope we get less and less of those dark nights.
I almost fell in love this year but I caught myself before I jumped off the edge, with a bit of help from my friend of the year. I thought the getting over process would be long and tedious but surprise! surprise! It took less than a week. I guess it wasn't really love or rather I just love the fairytale story presented before me. It was a classic case of too good too be true. Oh well; if its not meant to be, then its not meant to be. The experience was not too drastic, it was even a little sweet but it was not meant to go anything beyond that. Schoolgirl hopes don't mesh well with grown-up relationships, anyway I learned to just enjoy the good stuff and be careful with the bad. From now on with things like this, I'm heeding Bheng's advice: chill lang.
This year I got to experience to be a foreigner, then I realize it does not have much impact when you look just like the natives. Still, they speak a different language. It was not the rock-my-world-experience I imagined my first out-of-the-country trip would be but Taipei has its charms; the best of which is Luis. When I was sitting by the sidewalk while he was gushing about the plants, I cannot believe how lucky I was to be having this moment with him. He seem to define both awesome and adorable at the same time. Besides Luis, Taipei is the land of pretty cakes and shoes. The shoes are Makati products that have lower than Divisoria prices. It is shoe heaven. When I go back there, I'm going home with a trunk full of shoes. It's nice to experience a cleaner and more organized city living than ours, but although Taipei zoo is a million times better than Manila zoo, I would never fall in love with Taipei the way I did with Manila. Manila's got some crazy charms.
Lastly, I'm gonna include this because I'm so crazy about it, Glee is the best thing on TV right now. I love it! I've never been envious to people who can sing till now. Glee is Happiness. I so thankful for Glee.
So that was 2009, I just realized I had a better year than most people. Even if I had some down moments I am still very lucky. I'm thankful for that. For 2010, I want more mountain climbing and less drama.
This is the year I conquered great (literal) heights!
I climbed mountains this year. If you met me before 2009 and I told you about my new hobby, you would think I'm kidding. You would even joked about my lung's capacity to do such a thing. Then, I would just flash you a really smug smile. Mt. Batulao was amazing. It's like a breath of fresh air in this polluted murky world that is my life. Somewhere between Batulao's twin peaks, I started believing in myself again. To do something no one, not even myself, thought I could do; just feels so unbelievably awesome, that I would be forever thankful to Moni for inviting me to be part of her, err... semi-stalking escapade. I also made new friends, I grew, learned and experienced a lot more because of them. Special mention should go to Sid, who I judged to be The Friend of the Year for 2009. Having a male buddy to sort out all kinds of drama is nice, but if that male buddy has a psychology degree and you can get therapy sessions for free; that is way, way better. Plus the loyalty he gave me through all that K situation (breaking the bro code and all), saved me from a really complicated deep shit.
Overall, mountaineering gave me a new perspective on life that I begin to hope again. It also started a fire inside me that pushes me to enjoy life anew.
Another defining event was when I cut my hair really short and finally heeded the call of hairdresser everywhere to undergo relax treatment. I'm almost unrecognizable. I lost my fragile look and I look, can you believe it? Edgy. I could pass for a member of UP PEP, if only I could do back flips. Sometimes I miss my long hair, but for now I enjoy the freedom my short hair affords me.
2009 was not all fun, fun, adventure; it has its dark moments too. The depression bouts are harder this year because now, I'm fully aware that I am depressed unlike before when I just zoned out and escape it. But since I am aware of what is happening to me, I am now better in dealing with it. Plus, the realizations and insights I gain after the drama are very helpful in my healing process. At least now, I'm no longer in denial and I'm keeping my eyes and mind open. Let's just hope we get less and less of those dark nights.
I almost fell in love this year but I caught myself before I jumped off the edge, with a bit of help from my friend of the year. I thought the getting over process would be long and tedious but surprise! surprise! It took less than a week. I guess it wasn't really love or rather I just love the fairytale story presented before me. It was a classic case of too good too be true. Oh well; if its not meant to be, then its not meant to be. The experience was not too drastic, it was even a little sweet but it was not meant to go anything beyond that. Schoolgirl hopes don't mesh well with grown-up relationships, anyway I learned to just enjoy the good stuff and be careful with the bad. From now on with things like this, I'm heeding Bheng's advice: chill lang.
This year I got to experience to be a foreigner, then I realize it does not have much impact when you look just like the natives. Still, they speak a different language. It was not the rock-my-world-experience I imagined my first out-of-the-country trip would be but Taipei has its charms; the best of which is Luis. When I was sitting by the sidewalk while he was gushing about the plants, I cannot believe how lucky I was to be having this moment with him. He seem to define both awesome and adorable at the same time. Besides Luis, Taipei is the land of pretty cakes and shoes. The shoes are Makati products that have lower than Divisoria prices. It is shoe heaven. When I go back there, I'm going home with a trunk full of shoes. It's nice to experience a cleaner and more organized city living than ours, but although Taipei zoo is a million times better than Manila zoo, I would never fall in love with Taipei the way I did with Manila. Manila's got some crazy charms.
Lastly, I'm gonna include this because I'm so crazy about it, Glee is the best thing on TV right now. I love it! I've never been envious to people who can sing till now. Glee is Happiness. I so thankful for Glee.
So that was 2009, I just realized I had a better year than most people. Even if I had some down moments I am still very lucky. I'm thankful for that. For 2010, I want more mountain climbing and less drama.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I really can't believe what is happening in my life.. I mean, c'mon!
I fell down the stairs, which is very ironic since the last post is a song called "Defying Gravity."
This sucks and it hurts like hell too. On the bright side, I don't have any broken limbs. I guess it's good that I fell on a sitting down position, I can still walk and altough I have cuts on my back, it seems fine; hopefully my x-ray results would collaborate my assumptions. Except for the two big bruises on my right butt cheek, there are no obvious indication my body bounced of the stairs five times. Five times.
My thought process went like this:
I'm falling down the stairs.
I have to hold on the rail, I can't hold on the rail!
My back! Ouch.
This must look horrible to Rozza.(She was behind me)
When I reached the last step and realized I'm still concious and can feel my legs, I figured I'm ok and stood up. I dont think I feel bad enough to rushed to the E.R., plus going to th hospital at 4am would just amp the drama and I'm not even bleeding.
When I saw my bruises and cuts , that's when I felt how much it hurts. So this is how it feels to be beat up. I thought about the battered women. I would never understand how they could stand and hide the abuse they get. I also thought about basketball players and the numerous times I have seen then fell bad on the floor. I guess there is such a thing as a right and wrong way to fall. I convinced myself I fell the right way since my body was in a natural position, it's like I slid down a slide except ofcourse its a flight of stairs and I bounced on the way down. I had lot of time to think because I don't want to risk sleeping and being unconcious since after all I still hit back and I'm still worried about my spine. I got that from Grey's Anatony, they dont allow people to sleep whenever they had a bad fall, granted that those people usually hit their head but still, can't risk it. We don't have a Mcdreamy. Mostly I thought about how in the world I fell down the stairs. I know my slippers are the culprit, plus my sleepy state, plus why did I turn back to Rozza then change my mind and went down. Still, can't figure out how I slipped. My legs are in the same position, that could mean both of my feet slipped at the same time. How could I fell down the stairs at 24? If you are suppose to fell down the stairs, you're suppose to do it when you are still a kid, when you still don't know dangerous it is to injure your spine!!! I thought if this would end my mountain adventures. I don't think so, I slipped a couple of times at Tarak but did not get an ass-kicking like this one. But it would definitely stall any adventures for this year. My knees still feel wobbly. And it would definitely hurt to sleep on the ground. I would have to dissapoint Sid once again. He might think I'm just making this up. The bruises on my butt looks pretty convincing though, but he does not have to see that.
Above all that, I still look and feel good for someone who fell down a flight of stairs, I guess its a good thing I've got some meat on my bones now, they had a cushion. Still, life would be so much better if this did not happen at all. C'mon! I'm asking for a break not broken bones. Hopefully this is the last of all the sucky things.
This sucks and it hurts like hell too. On the bright side, I don't have any broken limbs. I guess it's good that I fell on a sitting down position, I can still walk and altough I have cuts on my back, it seems fine; hopefully my x-ray results would collaborate my assumptions. Except for the two big bruises on my right butt cheek, there are no obvious indication my body bounced of the stairs five times. Five times.
My thought process went like this:
I'm falling down the stairs.
I have to hold on the rail, I can't hold on the rail!
My back! Ouch.
This must look horrible to Rozza.(She was behind me)
When I reached the last step and realized I'm still concious and can feel my legs, I figured I'm ok and stood up. I dont think I feel bad enough to rushed to the E.R., plus going to th hospital at 4am would just amp the drama and I'm not even bleeding.
When I saw my bruises and cuts , that's when I felt how much it hurts. So this is how it feels to be beat up. I thought about the battered women. I would never understand how they could stand and hide the abuse they get. I also thought about basketball players and the numerous times I have seen then fell bad on the floor. I guess there is such a thing as a right and wrong way to fall. I convinced myself I fell the right way since my body was in a natural position, it's like I slid down a slide except ofcourse its a flight of stairs and I bounced on the way down. I had lot of time to think because I don't want to risk sleeping and being unconcious since after all I still hit back and I'm still worried about my spine. I got that from Grey's Anatony, they dont allow people to sleep whenever they had a bad fall, granted that those people usually hit their head but still, can't risk it. We don't have a Mcdreamy. Mostly I thought about how in the world I fell down the stairs. I know my slippers are the culprit, plus my sleepy state, plus why did I turn back to Rozza then change my mind and went down. Still, can't figure out how I slipped. My legs are in the same position, that could mean both of my feet slipped at the same time. How could I fell down the stairs at 24? If you are suppose to fell down the stairs, you're suppose to do it when you are still a kid, when you still don't know dangerous it is to injure your spine!!! I thought if this would end my mountain adventures. I don't think so, I slipped a couple of times at Tarak but did not get an ass-kicking like this one. But it would definitely stall any adventures for this year. My knees still feel wobbly. And it would definitely hurt to sleep on the ground. I would have to dissapoint Sid once again. He might think I'm just making this up. The bruises on my butt looks pretty convincing though, but he does not have to see that.
Above all that, I still look and feel good for someone who fell down a flight of stairs, I guess its a good thing I've got some meat on my bones now, they had a cushion. Still, life would be so much better if this did not happen at all. C'mon! I'm asking for a break not broken bones. Hopefully this is the last of all the sucky things.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Defying Gravity
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!
It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!
**************
I love this song, I saw it on Glee, it was from the musical Wicked
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!
It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!
**************
I love this song, I saw it on Glee, it was from the musical Wicked
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Regrets
I wish life has a reset button or atleast a ctrl-z option; where you can just undo everything you did up to the first mistake you did. I know there is no point in wishing for those things, I know that now. I did not know it then, three years ago, when I stubbornly wished for life's pause button. I wanted everything to pause until life get back to way things were before all the shitty things happened. I guess I was delusional and very, very naive; thinking the whole world would stop because I refuse to understand what is happening. I did not realized that I was being such a brat.
But that was then. I know better now.
But that was then. I know better now.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thank you, Tigers!!!
It is that time of the year again when I ask myself how could I possibly survive eight months without UAAP basketball. Ofcourse I eventually move on but every year; from the second weekend of July till whenever the Tiger's season concludes, UAAP rules my world. It is my favorite event of every year, even more than Christmas. Now another season ends and it is time to say goodbye to the tigers that are graduating this year: Ababou, Mirza and Maliksi. I am finding it harder to say goodbye this year. I mean its Ababou and Mirza! They are my top two favorite tigers for the past three years.
Dylan Ababou is awesome this year. Bagging the MVP plum and carrying the team to the final four, he made the UST community proud by the leadership he showed on and off the court that I could only hope that his young teammates would follow in his example. He was expected to step up and he did not dissapoint. His game greatly improved thanks to the Smart Gilas training. It is noticeable that he moves differently from the rest of the team that got me thinking woun't it be great if Coach Toroman trains our team (of course, that would not happen.) I'm so excited for his future, he would be playing for the national team and I'll make sure to watch the Smart Gilas games. I hope we would do greater things for the flag than Cyrus showed this year. I can't say it enough, Ababou is awesome.
This is also Mirza's last year. Warning! I am going into fan girl mode!
I feel three years are not enough, for I am so fascinated with this guy. I can not even explain why I find him so attractive. I think its the eyes, and the cheekbones, and the mole above his lips, possibly even his nose. Last time I had a UAAP crush was on Cyrus Baguio and it was seven years ago. Cyrus have more or less been the standard in all my crushes and Mirza looks different from Cyrus. They just have different auras, so I'm really surprise with myself. I mean, if I would have a crush on an tiger(I don't see myself having crushes on another team, they may be cute but I still would not care.) the logical choice would be Dylan; because he is the best player, he is cute, smart and resposible with his studies(way more than Cyrus, I must say), plus, he looks clean which is the first thing I look for in a guy. While Khasim is unorthodoxically handsome, has a gangly frame and inconsistent game. But since 2007, I have been fond of Khasim. I think it started with his spectacular game during UST-DLSU rd. 2. Down by 12 points under the last two minutes, he provided firepower for the Tigers that enabled them to take the game into overtime and eventually win. My favorite part was when Jervy did a celebratory bump with him at tumalsik siya, kasi naman 1/3 lang ata si Khasim ng katawan ni Jervy; still he looked so cute as he laughed. His game was non-existent last year but this season he made-up for that. He was a good offensive support for Dylan, his free-throws improved and he wasn't so skinny anymore but it would help him if he would bulk up more. He had a good 1st round but his game dipped on the 2nd, I guess the opposing team learned how to defend him. He was really frustrated during the last minutes of the final four game with the eagles. His last UAAP game. He looked so sad, it was heart-breaking. Unlike Ababou, I don't know where I could watch Khasim next; I'm guessing PBL pero kailan ba palabas yun? He has to persevere, he's tall and has a good shooting touch, he needs to be more consistent in his game. I wholeheartedly the wish the best for him. And I really, really want to meet him and have a picture with him!!! Internet is so dissapointing there's hardly any info about him. During Cyrus' time there were loads of stuff for any stalker to consume including his plate number. Now, I cannot even find his birthdate or his course. Where are the super fans that is so willing to give out personal informations? I should not have deleted my friendster account, last two years I can still find Mirza's and I am also two degrees connected to a tiger; now I think his profile is set to private. Sumikat na kasi eh. I just want a picture with him and his signature on my ticket sa kanyang last game. Sya, tama na fan girl mode.
Moving on to next season, I think we would still be ok; we just have to learn defense. Jeric Teng is fantastic, I hope he won't have sophomore jinx because scoring wise he is now the leader of this team. Jeric Fortuna improved a lot. I thought a Tigers without Japs at the point would be a nightmare but he did a good job but ofcourse he needs command his team more, he is only 17 (so young, and he would be considered as a veteran next year) and he still have a lot to learn. Clark Bautista, my favorite rookie of '08, must be more consistent so he can fill in the scoring gap left by Ababou and Mirza. I know he plays the 2 guard spot but if he plays the point I think he would be destructive. Camus is good, konting aggresiveness pa. I hope Melo Afuang would step up big time and I wish Green would know how to shoot in point blank range and be more disciplined. And keep up the good free-throw shooting percentage!
I still consider this a good season despite the losing record. The team had an amazing start, a so-so middle then a bad finish; still good enough for final four. The opposing teams learned how to defend the tiger's offense and the tigers failed to adjust. The losing skid did come at the worst time but still the Tigers did more than what is expected of them. It was an exciting season, so, thank you Tigers!
I had an invitation to join a climb set on the same date as the final four match, and I just have to defer. Its possible na nagtatampo na sila, hindi nila maiintindihan. To them its just a basketball game but this is UAAP, its the UST Growling Tigers. There's no way I'm going to miss their last game. It's Ababou and Mirza. (And Maliksi but I only became aware of Maliksi this season and I'm not attached to him.)(It was a touching moment when they bowed to the UST gallery.) Yesterday, there is no where I would rather be than Araneta; not even on the top of the world.
*********
Plus, I memorised the UST Hymn just for these games and I want an oppurtunity to sing it. Now, I won't feel guilty na hindi ko alam ang school song ko whenever the other schools are singing their song because I can sing the UST Hymn proud and loud.
Dylan Ababou is awesome this year. Bagging the MVP plum and carrying the team to the final four, he made the UST community proud by the leadership he showed on and off the court that I could only hope that his young teammates would follow in his example. He was expected to step up and he did not dissapoint. His game greatly improved thanks to the Smart Gilas training. It is noticeable that he moves differently from the rest of the team that got me thinking woun't it be great if Coach Toroman trains our team (of course, that would not happen.) I'm so excited for his future, he would be playing for the national team and I'll make sure to watch the Smart Gilas games. I hope we would do greater things for the flag than Cyrus showed this year. I can't say it enough, Ababou is awesome.
This is also Mirza's last year. Warning! I am going into fan girl mode!
I feel three years are not enough, for I am so fascinated with this guy. I can not even explain why I find him so attractive. I think its the eyes, and the cheekbones, and the mole above his lips, possibly even his nose. Last time I had a UAAP crush was on Cyrus Baguio and it was seven years ago. Cyrus have more or less been the standard in all my crushes and Mirza looks different from Cyrus. They just have different auras, so I'm really surprise with myself. I mean, if I would have a crush on an tiger(I don't see myself having crushes on another team, they may be cute but I still would not care.) the logical choice would be Dylan; because he is the best player, he is cute, smart and resposible with his studies(way more than Cyrus, I must say), plus, he looks clean which is the first thing I look for in a guy. While Khasim is unorthodoxically handsome, has a gangly frame and inconsistent game. But since 2007, I have been fond of Khasim. I think it started with his spectacular game during UST-DLSU rd. 2. Down by 12 points under the last two minutes, he provided firepower for the Tigers that enabled them to take the game into overtime and eventually win. My favorite part was when Jervy did a celebratory bump with him at tumalsik siya, kasi naman 1/3 lang ata si Khasim ng katawan ni Jervy; still he looked so cute as he laughed. His game was non-existent last year but this season he made-up for that. He was a good offensive support for Dylan, his free-throws improved and he wasn't so skinny anymore but it would help him if he would bulk up more. He had a good 1st round but his game dipped on the 2nd, I guess the opposing team learned how to defend him. He was really frustrated during the last minutes of the final four game with the eagles. His last UAAP game. He looked so sad, it was heart-breaking. Unlike Ababou, I don't know where I could watch Khasim next; I'm guessing PBL pero kailan ba palabas yun? He has to persevere, he's tall and has a good shooting touch, he needs to be more consistent in his game. I wholeheartedly the wish the best for him. And I really, really want to meet him and have a picture with him!!! Internet is so dissapointing there's hardly any info about him. During Cyrus' time there were loads of stuff for any stalker to consume including his plate number. Now, I cannot even find his birthdate or his course. Where are the super fans that is so willing to give out personal informations? I should not have deleted my friendster account, last two years I can still find Mirza's and I am also two degrees connected to a tiger; now I think his profile is set to private. Sumikat na kasi eh. I just want a picture with him and his signature on my ticket sa kanyang last game. Sya, tama na fan girl mode.
Moving on to next season, I think we would still be ok; we just have to learn defense. Jeric Teng is fantastic, I hope he won't have sophomore jinx because scoring wise he is now the leader of this team. Jeric Fortuna improved a lot. I thought a Tigers without Japs at the point would be a nightmare but he did a good job but ofcourse he needs command his team more, he is only 17 (so young, and he would be considered as a veteran next year) and he still have a lot to learn. Clark Bautista, my favorite rookie of '08, must be more consistent so he can fill in the scoring gap left by Ababou and Mirza. I know he plays the 2 guard spot but if he plays the point I think he would be destructive. Camus is good, konting aggresiveness pa. I hope Melo Afuang would step up big time and I wish Green would know how to shoot in point blank range and be more disciplined. And keep up the good free-throw shooting percentage!
I still consider this a good season despite the losing record. The team had an amazing start, a so-so middle then a bad finish; still good enough for final four. The opposing teams learned how to defend the tiger's offense and the tigers failed to adjust. The losing skid did come at the worst time but still the Tigers did more than what is expected of them. It was an exciting season, so, thank you Tigers!
I had an invitation to join a climb set on the same date as the final four match, and I just have to defer. Its possible na nagtatampo na sila, hindi nila maiintindihan. To them its just a basketball game but this is UAAP, its the UST Growling Tigers. There's no way I'm going to miss their last game. It's Ababou and Mirza. (And Maliksi but I only became aware of Maliksi this season and I'm not attached to him.)(It was a touching moment when they bowed to the UST gallery.) Yesterday, there is no where I would rather be than Araneta; not even on the top of the world.
*********
Plus, I memorised the UST Hymn just for these games and I want an oppurtunity to sing it. Now, I won't feel guilty na hindi ko alam ang school song ko whenever the other schools are singing their song because I can sing the UST Hymn proud and loud.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Escaping at Tarak Ridge
If you can call that escaping, mostly it brought me back to the version of me before all the shitty tings happen.
************
Getting off the jeepney from divisoria, in front of National Bookstore; it hit me, with the expenses I had to get ready for this climb, I could have bought all the books about Mr. Darcy. Am I really exchanging Darcy for mountaineering? Well for now, yes. I am sorry D, but my spirit needs this.
************
A background overview, last year I tagged along Rozza's field trip to Biak-na-bato which gave me a false convidence to go with Mona with her just-met friends (practically strangers) to go to Mt. Batulao. I love Batulao. During the climb, I seriously doubted whether I could still go home, but wow; it made me really, really happy. I haven't been that happy in a while. It was so awesome; the view, the stars, the exhaustion, the muscle pain, the people. I learned one thing very important in that experience: I can climb mountains too. Its totally out of character, even unthinkable given my medical history. I was slower than others, but I can do it too. With more experience, I can do it as well as they can too.
************
Woke up at 2am, I can't get up yet because my lola would just tell me to go back to sleep; so I just spent the time contemplating on what seems to be biggest adventure for this day: how to get to Cubao by 5am and find the 5star bus terminal without getting lost. I begged God to make a way for me to get there safely(see, I told you, mountaineering brings me back to the old me.) Thankfully, as we pass by Tito Jun's house, he was already up and he agreed to take me to Cubao. (Wow, answered prayers express, just like old times noh?) We still got lost, we passed by Edsa twice, but getting lost is so much more convenient when you're in a car. Finally; the 5star Terminal, I was not the last one to arrive. Good morning everyone!
...enjoy lang, no drama...
That would be my personal theme for this climb and with every step, I am leaving every trace of drama on the muddy road. With exception of the mud, I like this trail; it is filled with greenery and very shady. I keep seeing visions of a muddy highschool foundation day. It was freshman year, the creek beside the school overflowed; turning the school into mudlandia. While arguably there had been less mud during the foundation day, it had been raining then making the dried mud go soft again making our jogging pants every laundry woman's nightmare. Anyway, the memory I am seeing is me, with a clasmate walking through the driveway with the intention of going to Mcdo. There's a new McDonald's a few blocks away from the school and everyone in class is going there. I love it there, for all four years of highschool, it had been the ultimate meeting place and afterschool hang-out. Its sad it was closed down and turned into Jollibee. Oh well, atleast we get to keep the memories.
We are lagging behind. The beginners are surprisingly fast. He offered to carry my bag; I know from the mountain review I have read that we are nowhere near half point, how could he think I'm already tired? What would the others think? Sigh. Enjoy lang no drama, remember? From what I've gathered he doesn't normally offer help carrying bags; minsan lang 'to, might as well abuse, err humor him.
With the exception of my mother and my grandparents, he must be the kindest person to me. Sigh. I have to make sure that I don't become dependent on him. So far, I am doing fine, he lets me navigate the trail on my own; never telling me what to do or where to go. When I have doubts, he has a single reply: Kaya yan. It has to be said, he is a big help with boosting this self-confidence thing; still it assuring to know, that if ever madulas ako sa bangin kaya nya kong saluhin.
Back to the trail. As I have mentioned, may mga bangin; more like mini-bangin because are actually the path of the mini waterfalls. The waterfalls were mesmerizing. I remember, bus rides where I can see mini waterfalls going down the side of the mountain, ngayon pwede ko na silang hawakan. Cool, fresh water wow!
There are dead tress blocking the trail. I hate them for two reasons: it takes a lot of effort getting over them and the idea of a dead tree is so sad. But over all, I love the feeling that I seem to be in a the navel of a forest. Sa maraming puno mayroong dinosaur.
We had been trekking for hours, we are almost crawling. He said: Ang sarap ng feeling na hinihingal ka noh. Obviously, he never had asthma or had his lungs give up on him. It rained. Wow, its not like the mud isn't slippery enough. It also made it imposible for me to see with my glasses. But the rain also made the others pace slower so we no longer lagged behind and it gave us the most amazing rainbow I have ever seen. There's a kiss at the end of a rainbow, more precious than a pot of gold.
Originally, 3pm was the original "collapse time" but since we were still at the thick of the woods then, I only got to lay down by 5. My back, my sides, my legs feels so tired. My body feels like dipping into the earth. After changing, I am wearing four layers of clothing; then I notice a guy from the other group shirtless. Huh. Hindi nga pantay-pantay ang paggawa ni God sa skin ng tao. Oh well, buti na lang naimbento ang clothes. Dinner. Rozza was right; food taste better in the wilderness. Even with missing ingredients and over cooked pasta, the tuna macaroni tasted so good.
Socials. I wasn't wrong, his shoulders feels so nice to lean on to. We got voted King and Queen of the mountain. I saw that coming, I wanted to ask if it comes with a crown. I had never won anything with the title "Queen" before. But I just didn't react, nor did he. I did not expect a starry night on Tarak, but there seem to be a people power in the skies. I can't recognize any constellations though, it just looks like one big rally.
Fastforward to dawn. Its breathtaking. I miss watching the sun rise. How many years had it been, when I use to postpone sleep during bus rides just to witness it? It felt ages ago. I miss that "brand new day" feeling. There was a rock on the way to the summit where I rested for awhile after slipping, and its now one of my favorite places on earth. If you sit there, you would not want to go anywhere else.
Sigh, but I know, I have to go down sometime. The long trek down does not look inviting. I console myself with the thought that its easier getting down than going up. We had lunch by the Papaya river; I soaked my feet in, sigh water have amazing soothing properties. I don't know if it was just me but there seem to be more dead trees blocking the way than before or maybe I just did not remember them; maybe my memory blocked them out.
We reached Manang's house atlast, and the sweet bukojuice I have been craving since morning. We took a rest and had a few more photo ops. Some of the girls want to achieve the "jump shot" and I just have to wonder: where do they get that kind of energy?
Oh well, atleast we are finally going home. We did not have time to eat dinner so someone just bought instant noodle soup for everyone. That was really sweet. It rained really hard, good thing we are on our way to back to Manila. I did not expect to get any sleep during the ride. But it was surprisingly a short trip and after an hour we are back in Quezon City.
We got off at Aurora Boulevard and took a jeep to Taft. I have read stories about Aurora Blvd. and now I understand what it is all about. It is such a defining moment whenever fiction creeps in to my reality. Nonetheless, Aurora is a sad picture. It just looks forsaken.
Sigh. I never tought I would ever want to stretch Espana longer. But that is what was going through my mind during the jeepney ride. I guess I don't want to say goodbye yet. Perhaps its because I know there is something intangible, something I could never name that I could never take home with me(nor could he) and must be left behind at corner of Lacson and Espana. It does not really belong to either of us. Hay, good thing the sight of UST, though bathe in darkness never fails to stir up memories. I honestly wished Jona or JP, Meng or Kat would hail down the jeep and share the rest of the ride with me. It would be nice to have someone to talk to.
*******************
I have always had this fantasy: to sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world. Whenever I feel that life is sucking the life out of me, I envision my self on top of a mountain, letting out my barbaric yawp and immediately after; I would feel rejuvinated. All the worries and all the gloom are just particles that the air is driving away to be lost at the sea. But I haven't done it yet. There's something with the view from the top that makes me want to just be quiet. It is stunningly beautiful, it is a priviledge to see it. How can you go barbaric if that much beauty if in front of you? So I just sit there and marvel at it; breathing deeply, as if I can inhale all that glorious blue and greens. Someday, I would let out my barbaric yawp but it won't be because of quarter-life angst. It will be because I am so damn happy, I have to shout it to the whole world. That day will come, someday.
There had been numerous chances where I would question myself why I am getting into mountaineering, specially whenever I have to go over a tree but the answer is everywhere around me, it is even in the question itself. It is because of the trees that I get to hug, the rocks I climb onto, the dirt that clings on my shoes, the flowers that make me smile, the insects that keep us company, and the view that makes me feel so small and so lucky to be beholding it. Because of every breath I have to catch, every hurried beat of my heart. (oh that was a cheesy phrase but I dont know how to say without sounding like a boy band song.) Mountaineering also gave me people I am so grateful to have met. Most importantly, mountaineering woke up the sleeping voice in me that believes that I can do it too.
I can do it too.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Reality
It seems like there is no escaping it. Sigh.
Even my escape world (which no longer deserves to be called as such) had been infiltered by it. As much as I want to; I can not reality-proof it, because it is made up of real people. They are not sims characters so I could not manipulate their lives, naturally they are bound to encounter problems because they all have real lives. And so they affect my escape world. At least there is still gossip girl, i mean, forums about gossip girl.
I genuinely wish I could solve their problems. I recently realized I'm better at solving other people's concern than my own. But I barely know this people and I don't really want to intrude, except that I sort of promised someone that I would solve it. My exact words are: sabihin mo lang, susolusyunan ko. What prompted me to say that, I would never understand. He was terribly bothered by the complications that the main issue had spawned, he already has all sort of probplems as it is; maybe I want to lighten his load. So far, on my attempt to be super problem-solver; all I have done are to create a multiply account, post a comment and text the person involve in the main issue, subtly hinting to reconsider his decision. I am not doing a very good job.
What I need to do is to convince the others to just choose the easier mountain. Atleast, we would no longer have to worry about safety (which i think is someone's main concern; which in turn makes me feel a bit guilty because I know I'm the least physically coordinated among the group), but could still have all the escape that the mountains have to offer. Save the bigger adventures for when the group is more, umm... whole. If it can ever be whole again. The thing is I don't have the guts to say that, since I don't think I have the right to tell them what to do. Or I could risk proving that I am such a princess, I just have to get what I want. They would probably give in. I know they would give in because they know I get special treatment form someone that I am not suppose to have in the first place. Which makes me guilty all the more. Argh... escape worlds should be drama free!!!
I just want 2 stress-free days on the mountains, among the trees and under the great blue sky. Be awe-struck by the view and feel incredibly small. I just want to get away form the city, from reality, from me.
Even my escape world (which no longer deserves to be called as such) had been infiltered by it. As much as I want to; I can not reality-proof it, because it is made up of real people. They are not sims characters so I could not manipulate their lives, naturally they are bound to encounter problems because they all have real lives. And so they affect my escape world. At least there is still gossip girl, i mean, forums about gossip girl.
I genuinely wish I could solve their problems. I recently realized I'm better at solving other people's concern than my own. But I barely know this people and I don't really want to intrude, except that I sort of promised someone that I would solve it. My exact words are: sabihin mo lang, susolusyunan ko. What prompted me to say that, I would never understand. He was terribly bothered by the complications that the main issue had spawned, he already has all sort of probplems as it is; maybe I want to lighten his load. So far, on my attempt to be super problem-solver; all I have done are to create a multiply account, post a comment and text the person involve in the main issue, subtly hinting to reconsider his decision. I am not doing a very good job.
What I need to do is to convince the others to just choose the easier mountain. Atleast, we would no longer have to worry about safety (which i think is someone's main concern; which in turn makes me feel a bit guilty because I know I'm the least physically coordinated among the group), but could still have all the escape that the mountains have to offer. Save the bigger adventures for when the group is more, umm... whole. If it can ever be whole again. The thing is I don't have the guts to say that, since I don't think I have the right to tell them what to do. Or I could risk proving that I am such a princess, I just have to get what I want. They would probably give in. I know they would give in because they know I get special treatment form someone that I am not suppose to have in the first place. Which makes me guilty all the more. Argh... escape worlds should be drama free!!!
I just want 2 stress-free days on the mountains, among the trees and under the great blue sky. Be awe-struck by the view and feel incredibly small. I just want to get away form the city, from reality, from me.
Friday, March 06, 2009
Para kay Rozza
Ikaw at Iyong mga Awit/ Ikaw ang Awit
Lagi mong yakap ang gitara at pinupuno ang bahay ng musika.
Hindi ka na nagkukuwento puwera sa gitarang hingahan ng sikreto.
Pag-ibig ang sinasambit ng awit at nagulat ako na may alam ka dito.
Pag-ibig
-taksil ang salita.
balot ng pait
ang melodiyang
nagpangako ng tamis.
Ngayong ikaw ay natutulog
At walang muwang pinanood,
may luhang nakaalpas sa iyong mata.
Batid kong ikaw mismo gustong makawala.
Palihim mong binubuksan ang tarangkahan
Ng bakuran ng iyong kainosentehan.
Balak mong hanapin ang mundo kung saan
Ang mga awitin ay walang katapusan.
Nagaalangan ako
kung dapat ba akong magtayo ng tore
sa paligid mo at panain
ang sinumang mangangahas
sumakop sa iyo.
o hayaan kang lumaboy
sa siyudad kung saan
ang magnanakaw at bayani
ay magkatabi sa daan.
Kung saan ang pag-ibig
Ay sa awit lang matatagpuan.
Takot ako na maligaw ka sa pasikot-sikot.
At di matagpuan ang mundong inaasam.
pero mas natatakot akong ‘di na marinig ang mga awit mo.
************
i wrote this sometime 2004, but i will always feel this way. always.
Lagi mong yakap ang gitara at pinupuno ang bahay ng musika.
Hindi ka na nagkukuwento puwera sa gitarang hingahan ng sikreto.
Pag-ibig ang sinasambit ng awit at nagulat ako na may alam ka dito.
Pag-ibig
-taksil ang salita.
balot ng pait
ang melodiyang
nagpangako ng tamis.
Ngayong ikaw ay natutulog
At walang muwang pinanood,
may luhang nakaalpas sa iyong mata.
Batid kong ikaw mismo gustong makawala.
Palihim mong binubuksan ang tarangkahan
Ng bakuran ng iyong kainosentehan.
Balak mong hanapin ang mundo kung saan
Ang mga awitin ay walang katapusan.
Nagaalangan ako
kung dapat ba akong magtayo ng tore
sa paligid mo at panain
ang sinumang mangangahas
sumakop sa iyo.
o hayaan kang lumaboy
sa siyudad kung saan
ang magnanakaw at bayani
ay magkatabi sa daan.
Kung saan ang pag-ibig
Ay sa awit lang matatagpuan.
Takot ako na maligaw ka sa pasikot-sikot.
At di matagpuan ang mundong inaasam.
pero mas natatakot akong ‘di na marinig ang mga awit mo.
************
i wrote this sometime 2004, but i will always feel this way. always.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Dear Jona
Mabuhay! (channeling kirai here)
Welcome back sa pinakamaganda, pinakamasaya at pinakanakakalokang bansa sa buong mundo! I'm glad you got back safe and sound. JR told me na gusto ka munang solohin ng family mo and I totally understand, I know how much they missed you. But I miss you too and since I can't see you, I'm gonna resort back to my highschool ways and write you a letter! yey!
First of all, put your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder and give your self a big hug!(sana hinug mo talaga yung sarili mo kasi sayang naman ang effort ko). HUG!
So how are you? Tumaba ka na ba? Ako kasi tumaba na. Nacoconfuse nga yung utak ko tuwing tumitingin ako sa salamin eh. Si Kirai, normal ang katawan. Healthy looking na sya. Pero syempre feeling nya mataba pa rin sya kahit mas malaki na yung braso ko kaysa sa kanya. I don't know kung tumaba si Bheng. She looks ok. I don't think mukhang busog yung tyan nya. Si JP? I have no idea. Hindi ko pinagtutuunan ng pansin ang katawan nya. I'm guessing better than when he was sick.
Oh my gosh, nakwento ko na ba sayo? Nanlibre si JP ng sine! Nanood kami ng Twillight. Kasama namin si Kat and one of their 1st year classmates. Tapos kasama ko si Rozza. Medyo kasi nag-worry tungkol sa job nya, gumana kasi ang pag ka sarcastic, ayun nanlibre. Nakwento ko na ata to eh, pero ok lang. Parang mga feature stories lang tuwing All Saint's day, paulit-ulit every year. JP talaga, very ghostly.
Nag-exchange gifts kami nung christmas! Ang theme namin: Something Nakaw. This is how it started: Bheng and I were chatting over ym. Sabi nya she wants to do something for christmas, kahit simple lang. So yun, exchange gifts tapos she jokingly suggested na something nakaw; nag-game ako tapos kami na rin nagdecide kung pano yung flow. Yna -> Kirai -> JP -> Bheng. Hindi kasama si Joma kasi as usual missing in action sya. Si JP, kj, gift nya kay Bheng yung book ni Atalia; binili nya sa powerbooks. Bheng gave me a her officemate's Lipton Tea coaster. Dpat daw kasama yung cup kaso may laman, alangan naman maghugas pa sya. I gave Kirai a poinsettia flower na kinuha ko sa christmas tree sa isang bangko. I stole from a bank! Tapos si Kirai wala pang gift kay JP, di pa kasi sila nagkikita. Dapat magkikita-kita kami sa reunion ng ca7, pero dahil tinamad ako at di ko macontact si Kirai di na ko pumunta. At dahil dun, nakatanggap ako ng isang mapaka-makabagbag-damdaming text mula kay JP. Ang sabi ng text, "Where the hell are you guys?" Grabe, parang narinig ko talaga si JP habang binabasa ko iyon, kaya di ko sya binura.
Pero alam mo ba ang hottest news ng christmas season? Hold onto something steady kasi tiyak na mapapatumbling ka sa balita ko. Better yet, ihanda mo na ang tumbling pose mo dahil sigurado naman na tutumbling ka. Ito na:
Si ML* may boyfriend.(name had been changed, you know who she is naman di ba?)
Yes, you read it right. BOYfriend. As in certified na boy.
Ito ang kwento. His name is Cris, sa harbour nya nakilala pero hindi na daw nagwowork dun. Nagkukulitan lang sila sa text at nagmwah-mwah sila dun. Tapos bumanat yung guy, kung in person ba daw ay ikikiss din sya ni ML at ang reply ni ML ay "why not!" Kaya ayun, one time magkasama sila sa orange jeep ay hiningi ni guy ang kiss at binigay naman ni ML. Ayun sila na.
Pero break na sila ngayon. Nakita ni ML sa friendster ni guy na interested in dating men and women ang papa nya. kaya ayun break. I guess gusto nyang gayahin si ML at itry din ang ibang options, malay natin sa susunod ineterested in dating animals naman si loko. Hay... madami talagang sinisirang relasyon ang friendster. Kaya nga binura ko na yung akin eh.
eh ikaw? Kamusta ang love life? Aktibo pa ba ang bulkan? Si JP... he had always been secretive pero have you checked out his blog lately? may something sa entry nya pero as usual walang details but there's definitely something. Bheng is living happily ever after. She is shifting careers at medyo stressful ito pero pagdating sa lovelife okey na okey sya.
And me...ahh me... I'm into DB more than ever. I know little about him, but I love everything I know about him. I like the sound of his voice. Nagbabaaon sya ng lunch sa office. He is generally polite and accomodating. He has nice shoulders.
I lost interest in him some months ago and there were a lot of drama on my part which I am going to spare you from because I don't want any proof of it. Then, I felt like someone slap me on the face. I overheard his boss setting him up on with some girl. I first thought: Woah! He is so single, his boss is actually setting him up on a date. Then I thought, what if he called her, then they went on a date. Ofcourse, she will fall for him. She cannot possibly resist his heavenly smile. Then, what if he settles and they end up together, and even have a nice life.
It would be nice. but it won't be GREAT. because it wouldn't be with me!
Girl, tama ako di ba?
And with love, we have to aspire for something great, we can't just settle for the mundane, the easy or the readily available. It wouldn't be love at all. I know its silly that I'm talking about love, but that is the biggest thing I like about him; for once, I can just be a silly girl. A simple silly girl who is not worrying about the world. Minsan kasi nakakapagod din problemahin ang mundo. Ayun.
Siblings Update!
Rozza had gone back to her capitalistic origins and had finally made peace with the fact that communism wont work with her. She loves Mcdonalds too much. May bago syang racket, customized painted shoes. For 500php, you get awesome sneakers. And JR, hay nako, si JR. Ang corny ng kapatid mo dude. Kapatid mo nga. But I try to look past that, he is a really nice kid and he misses his ate so much. All he really wants is for your family to stay together. But don't tell him I told you this, you know teenage boys, not comfortable sharing their emotions. hehe, umuwi ka lang, he'll be fine.
So there, I have already used up two leaves of notebook. I hope you enjoy your stay here. Enjoy your family, they missed you a lot. And girl, lagi kang mag-iingat dun ha! para bumalik ka sa min.
Always,
Bukopie
Welcome back sa pinakamaganda, pinakamasaya at pinakanakakalokang bansa sa buong mundo! I'm glad you got back safe and sound. JR told me na gusto ka munang solohin ng family mo and I totally understand, I know how much they missed you. But I miss you too and since I can't see you, I'm gonna resort back to my highschool ways and write you a letter! yey!
First of all, put your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder and give your self a big hug!(sana hinug mo talaga yung sarili mo kasi sayang naman ang effort ko). HUG!
So how are you? Tumaba ka na ba? Ako kasi tumaba na. Nacoconfuse nga yung utak ko tuwing tumitingin ako sa salamin eh. Si Kirai, normal ang katawan. Healthy looking na sya. Pero syempre feeling nya mataba pa rin sya kahit mas malaki na yung braso ko kaysa sa kanya. I don't know kung tumaba si Bheng. She looks ok. I don't think mukhang busog yung tyan nya. Si JP? I have no idea. Hindi ko pinagtutuunan ng pansin ang katawan nya. I'm guessing better than when he was sick.
Oh my gosh, nakwento ko na ba sayo? Nanlibre si JP ng sine! Nanood kami ng Twillight. Kasama namin si Kat and one of their 1st year classmates. Tapos kasama ko si Rozza. Medyo kasi nag-worry tungkol sa job nya, gumana kasi ang pag ka sarcastic, ayun nanlibre. Nakwento ko na ata to eh, pero ok lang. Parang mga feature stories lang tuwing All Saint's day, paulit-ulit every year. JP talaga, very ghostly.
Nag-exchange gifts kami nung christmas! Ang theme namin: Something Nakaw. This is how it started: Bheng and I were chatting over ym. Sabi nya she wants to do something for christmas, kahit simple lang. So yun, exchange gifts tapos she jokingly suggested na something nakaw; nag-game ako tapos kami na rin nagdecide kung pano yung flow. Yna -> Kirai -> JP -> Bheng. Hindi kasama si Joma kasi as usual missing in action sya. Si JP, kj, gift nya kay Bheng yung book ni Atalia; binili nya sa powerbooks. Bheng gave me a her officemate's Lipton Tea coaster. Dpat daw kasama yung cup kaso may laman, alangan naman maghugas pa sya. I gave Kirai a poinsettia flower na kinuha ko sa christmas tree sa isang bangko. I stole from a bank! Tapos si Kirai wala pang gift kay JP, di pa kasi sila nagkikita. Dapat magkikita-kita kami sa reunion ng ca7, pero dahil tinamad ako at di ko macontact si Kirai di na ko pumunta. At dahil dun, nakatanggap ako ng isang mapaka-makabagbag-damdaming text mula kay JP. Ang sabi ng text, "Where the hell are you guys?" Grabe, parang narinig ko talaga si JP habang binabasa ko iyon, kaya di ko sya binura.
Pero alam mo ba ang hottest news ng christmas season? Hold onto something steady kasi tiyak na mapapatumbling ka sa balita ko. Better yet, ihanda mo na ang tumbling pose mo dahil sigurado naman na tutumbling ka. Ito na:
Si ML* may boyfriend.(name had been changed, you know who she is naman di ba?)
Yes, you read it right. BOYfriend. As in certified na boy.
Ito ang kwento. His name is Cris, sa harbour nya nakilala pero hindi na daw nagwowork dun. Nagkukulitan lang sila sa text at nagmwah-mwah sila dun. Tapos bumanat yung guy, kung in person ba daw ay ikikiss din sya ni ML at ang reply ni ML ay "why not!" Kaya ayun, one time magkasama sila sa orange jeep ay hiningi ni guy ang kiss at binigay naman ni ML. Ayun sila na.
Pero break na sila ngayon. Nakita ni ML sa friendster ni guy na interested in dating men and women ang papa nya. kaya ayun break. I guess gusto nyang gayahin si ML at itry din ang ibang options, malay natin sa susunod ineterested in dating animals naman si loko. Hay... madami talagang sinisirang relasyon ang friendster. Kaya nga binura ko na yung akin eh.
eh ikaw? Kamusta ang love life? Aktibo pa ba ang bulkan? Si JP... he had always been secretive pero have you checked out his blog lately? may something sa entry nya pero as usual walang details but there's definitely something. Bheng is living happily ever after. She is shifting careers at medyo stressful ito pero pagdating sa lovelife okey na okey sya.
And me...ahh me... I'm into DB more than ever. I know little about him, but I love everything I know about him. I like the sound of his voice. Nagbabaaon sya ng lunch sa office. He is generally polite and accomodating. He has nice shoulders.
I lost interest in him some months ago and there were a lot of drama on my part which I am going to spare you from because I don't want any proof of it. Then, I felt like someone slap me on the face. I overheard his boss setting him up on with some girl. I first thought: Woah! He is so single, his boss is actually setting him up on a date. Then I thought, what if he called her, then they went on a date. Ofcourse, she will fall for him. She cannot possibly resist his heavenly smile. Then, what if he settles and they end up together, and even have a nice life.
It would be nice. but it won't be GREAT. because it wouldn't be with me!
Girl, tama ako di ba?
And with love, we have to aspire for something great, we can't just settle for the mundane, the easy or the readily available. It wouldn't be love at all. I know its silly that I'm talking about love, but that is the biggest thing I like about him; for once, I can just be a silly girl. A simple silly girl who is not worrying about the world. Minsan kasi nakakapagod din problemahin ang mundo. Ayun.
Siblings Update!
Rozza had gone back to her capitalistic origins and had finally made peace with the fact that communism wont work with her. She loves Mcdonalds too much. May bago syang racket, customized painted shoes. For 500php, you get awesome sneakers. And JR, hay nako, si JR. Ang corny ng kapatid mo dude. Kapatid mo nga. But I try to look past that, he is a really nice kid and he misses his ate so much. All he really wants is for your family to stay together. But don't tell him I told you this, you know teenage boys, not comfortable sharing their emotions. hehe, umuwi ka lang, he'll be fine.
So there, I have already used up two leaves of notebook. I hope you enjoy your stay here. Enjoy your family, they missed you a lot. And girl, lagi kang mag-iingat dun ha! para bumalik ka sa min.
Always,
Bukopie
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
This is for him.
...apparently things are not yet over.
December Chill
The city is freezing.
And your stare
killed the last
flicker of fire.
********
i'm way behind my blog entries, i know.
December Chill
The city is freezing.
And your stare
killed the last
flicker of fire.
********
i'm way behind my blog entries, i know.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Chronicles of Dollar Boy: The Last Edition
Palaging May Ulan ang Pamamaalam
Palaging may ulan ang pamamaalam
Kaya binabaha ng lungkot ang lungsod
Ng pananandaliang pagsasama’t lugod.
Huwag kang lilingon at baka malusaw
Ng asin ang mithing pagbabagong-loob.
Palaging may ulan ang pamamaalam
Kaya binabaha ng lungkot ang lungsod.
Bangkay na lulutang ang panghihinayang
Ngayong nalunod na ang lahat ng pusok
At kuyom sa dibdib ang basang alabok.
Palaging may ulan ang pamamaalam
Kaya binabaha ng lungkot ang lungsod
Ng panandaliang pagsasama’t lugod.
-Michael M. Coroza
So, it's over. I just hate that this poem seems to be always speaking to me. I'm gonna miss feeling like that. And right now, I just don't know anyone who smiles at me the way he does.
Palaging may ulan ang pamamaalam
Kaya binabaha ng lungkot ang lungsod
Ng pananandaliang pagsasama’t lugod.
Huwag kang lilingon at baka malusaw
Ng asin ang mithing pagbabagong-loob.
Palaging may ulan ang pamamaalam
Kaya binabaha ng lungkot ang lungsod.
Bangkay na lulutang ang panghihinayang
Ngayong nalunod na ang lahat ng pusok
At kuyom sa dibdib ang basang alabok.
Palaging may ulan ang pamamaalam
Kaya binabaha ng lungkot ang lungsod
Ng panandaliang pagsasama’t lugod.
-Michael M. Coroza
So, it's over. I just hate that this poem seems to be always speaking to me. I'm gonna miss feeling like that. And right now, I just don't know anyone who smiles at me the way he does.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The Sounds of School Spirit
I wrote this stuff a year ago...
"Natalo ang UST sa Ateneo noong Linggo. Tapos na ang season nila sa UAAP. Ang mahirap lang sa UAAP, kada taon, may manlalaro na nagpapaalam. Hindi mo alam kung mapapanood mo pa ulit sila maglaro. Makapaglaro man sila sa ibang liga, hindi mo na rin sila ganoon ka-gusto kasi hindi naman na sila naglalaro para sa unibersidad mo. Hay..."
I wrote all that because I thought Japs Cuan would be graduating that year. So, now I am feeling all that again because Japs would be graduating this year. And five other players, if you can imagine that. Arrgh... So there was no way I am going to miss their last game. I just have to watch their game live. Then I found out it was scheduled the same day as the admu-dlsu game. Shit.
As in all Ateneo-Lasalle game, tickets are rarer than gold. That's what the hype make it out but in reality, there are still a lot gen. ad available and that is good enough for me. After all, I don't need to see the players up close, I already know what they looked like.
When we entered the coliseum, it was clearly divided between two colors; green and blue. Now, something is really wrong with our democracy when there are four teams playing and the tickets were bought by just two camps. But I am not going to delve into that because they are already having a lot of mileage, like the whole country cares or something. Anyway, there they were, my UST Growling Tigers warming up. Sigh. And there was my other UAAP favorite, the UST Yellow Jackets.
I am not going to try to review the game but I am going to say this; I don't think I would ever outgrow watching a UAAP game, well a Growling Tigers game in particular. I just love this team. I think its because they keep me connected to my school and everytime I watch a game, I get to be a college kid again.
The only hard part is when players graduate. I am not against it, I just think it is sad, you get attach to them somehow and right now, it seems unthinkable to find a decent replacement for Jervy Cruz. He could possibly the best amateur player in the country. The pressure would definitely double for Mirza and Ababou. And oh my gulay, a UST without Japs. When I was in highschool, I was already a UAAP fan and Japs was already playing for the juniors team. They always show the juniors champinoship game so I was already familiar with him. Now, he played his last game for UST. He is really a good leader, the stability he brings to the team is very important and we all have to admit, he improved his free throws a great deal. Sigh. I just know, I would miss him being in the team. Heck, I still miss the Gelig-Baguio tanden.
There's one good thing about being a fan, you don't graduate from it. After all, it was never about the players, it had always been about the school spirit.
"Natalo ang UST sa Ateneo noong Linggo. Tapos na ang season nila sa UAAP. Ang mahirap lang sa UAAP, kada taon, may manlalaro na nagpapaalam. Hindi mo alam kung mapapanood mo pa ulit sila maglaro. Makapaglaro man sila sa ibang liga, hindi mo na rin sila ganoon ka-gusto kasi hindi naman na sila naglalaro para sa unibersidad mo. Hay..."
I wrote all that because I thought Japs Cuan would be graduating that year. So, now I am feeling all that again because Japs would be graduating this year. And five other players, if you can imagine that. Arrgh... So there was no way I am going to miss their last game. I just have to watch their game live. Then I found out it was scheduled the same day as the admu-dlsu game. Shit.
As in all Ateneo-Lasalle game, tickets are rarer than gold. That's what the hype make it out but in reality, there are still a lot gen. ad available and that is good enough for me. After all, I don't need to see the players up close, I already know what they looked like.
When we entered the coliseum, it was clearly divided between two colors; green and blue. Now, something is really wrong with our democracy when there are four teams playing and the tickets were bought by just two camps. But I am not going to delve into that because they are already having a lot of mileage, like the whole country cares or something. Anyway, there they were, my UST Growling Tigers warming up. Sigh. And there was my other UAAP favorite, the UST Yellow Jackets.
I am not going to try to review the game but I am going to say this; I don't think I would ever outgrow watching a UAAP game, well a Growling Tigers game in particular. I just love this team. I think its because they keep me connected to my school and everytime I watch a game, I get to be a college kid again.
The only hard part is when players graduate. I am not against it, I just think it is sad, you get attach to them somehow and right now, it seems unthinkable to find a decent replacement for Jervy Cruz. He could possibly the best amateur player in the country. The pressure would definitely double for Mirza and Ababou. And oh my gulay, a UST without Japs. When I was in highschool, I was already a UAAP fan and Japs was already playing for the juniors team. They always show the juniors champinoship game so I was already familiar with him. Now, he played his last game for UST. He is really a good leader, the stability he brings to the team is very important and we all have to admit, he improved his free throws a great deal. Sigh. I just know, I would miss him being in the team. Heck, I still miss the Gelig-Baguio tanden.
There's one good thing about being a fan, you don't graduate from it. After all, it was never about the players, it had always been about the school spirit.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The Truth with Slippers
We went to the truth festival last Friday so expect this entry to contain only the truth and nothing but the truth.
In taking long walks, rubber slippers are very comfortable but they can give up on you. After all, we are talking about really long walks here, say, from the World Trade Center to Vito Cruz-Taft.Now, when your slipper snaps; don't panic.It helps if a friend is with you when this happens. That way, he can tell you that it will be ok. Hopefully, he knows the secret of keys. Do you know that keys are important in saving the world? Well, at the very least, they saved me from walking home bare-foot.
I won't tell you the secret of keys though, because it is something you should discover yourself. Just remember to keep keys in handy wherever you go.
**********
More truth
I am now finished with my portfolio, so all I have to do is to write my kick-ass application letter. And man, I am having trouble with it. I think I am pressuring it too much; labelling it as "kick-ass" but you know, I was never good in writing formal letters. They are, you know, formal and I don't sound like me whenever I write formal stuffs. It's like I'm faking it or something. Like I'm pretending. Arggh! I really want to write that application letter and I want it to kick-ass because I really, really want that job! I want that career. I want that life!
***********
Moving on to glass slippers
Watching Cinderella was just lovely. It is surely going to be one of my treasured memories. I was trying to watch it from a little girl's point of you. Wow. I have seen the movie version of this play but it paled compared to this. It was really good, the production design was really good and I love those songs. Sigh. And the moon during the ball, is like the most whimsical thing I have ever seen. Th face of the moon had dancing partners on it. That is such a romantic thought.
***********
And lastly, as I have discovered lately, it is difficult to tell the truth when there are a lot of things you don't want to say.
In taking long walks, rubber slippers are very comfortable but they can give up on you. After all, we are talking about really long walks here, say, from the World Trade Center to Vito Cruz-Taft.Now, when your slipper snaps; don't panic.It helps if a friend is with you when this happens. That way, he can tell you that it will be ok. Hopefully, he knows the secret of keys. Do you know that keys are important in saving the world? Well, at the very least, they saved me from walking home bare-foot.
I won't tell you the secret of keys though, because it is something you should discover yourself. Just remember to keep keys in handy wherever you go.
**********
More truth
I am now finished with my portfolio, so all I have to do is to write my kick-ass application letter. And man, I am having trouble with it. I think I am pressuring it too much; labelling it as "kick-ass" but you know, I was never good in writing formal letters. They are, you know, formal and I don't sound like me whenever I write formal stuffs. It's like I'm faking it or something. Like I'm pretending. Arggh! I really want to write that application letter and I want it to kick-ass because I really, really want that job! I want that career. I want that life!
***********
Moving on to glass slippers
Watching Cinderella was just lovely. It is surely going to be one of my treasured memories. I was trying to watch it from a little girl's point of you. Wow. I have seen the movie version of this play but it paled compared to this. It was really good, the production design was really good and I love those songs. Sigh. And the moon during the ball, is like the most whimsical thing I have ever seen. Th face of the moon had dancing partners on it. That is such a romantic thought.
***********
And lastly, as I have discovered lately, it is difficult to tell the truth when there are a lot of things you don't want to say.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
YIPEE!!!
I now have my chocolatier 2!!!
Love it!Many thanks to Jona and JR!!!
So now, I have to think of another thing that I really, really want.
Love it!Many thanks to Jona and JR!!!
So now, I have to think of another thing that I really, really want.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
City Boy Crazy
Whenever I try to write our story, it always ends with rain. I may not know where to begin but I've always known its ending. Cue rainfall. Soft but steady downpour. The romantic in me is convinced it started with a smile but I know it started with a very nasty generalization. But whatever, it doesn't matter now. What matters is this: Me, right now, staring at a paragraph of my own handwriting; writing about you.
You know I never liked my handwriting. But you don't care about that. What you care about is what I write. What I care about is what you think of what I write. You were not that hard to please but you were the one I most wanted to please. You actually think I'm a genius at this. I think that is just because you don't read much. Still, you made your praises sound believable. At one point, I no longer cared if you read the most intimate things I've written. Even the ones I wrote in gradeschool. You used the word "adorable". I can still see your face, You were trying so hard not to laugh, then I caught your eye, and really, there was nothing we cannot laugh about. I was certain, it was at that moment I knew I want to have you for keeps.
The thing I love most is it's just so easy to be me around you. I don't even know why. There was no need for pretensions, no masks, no walls. It's, you know, nice.
I miss you sometimes. Like when I did something I know you are going to be proud of. I climbed a mountain without complaining. I even tried rappelling. Or when I badly needed to laugh. Like now. I miss talking to you. I miss your opinions. I don't always like them but I love hearing them, no matter how unbelievable they may be. Even if they totally oppose mine. It's so fun to argue with you. Especially since we always end every argument as friends. Well, except that last one; I'm sorry about that. I really am. If only I'm not me, things would have worked out differently. But liked I said; you made me so comfortable, there was no other way but to be me. So here it goes: cue rainfall. We have to hide the tears. Stronger downpour this time.
********************
then for that other boy at the other side of the city
Natitiyak ko
sa iyong mga mata isinilang
ang lungsod na ito.
Isa akong lagalag na hinahanap
at dito ako napadpad.
wala na akong balak umalis.
ayoko ko nang umalis.
Lisanin man ang bayang ito ng mga
nnangangarap na kanyang inampon
at kinalinga. hindi ako tutulad
sa kanila.
paano ko iiwan ang bayang ito
kung ito ang kapitolyo ng pag-ibig,
ang tahanan ng tuwa,
silangan ng awit at tula?
Balot man sa putik at alikabok
lango man sa gutom at pawis
kaaya-aya pa rin ang ngiti.
Lalo na sa dapit-hapon
tuwing umaawit ang baybayin.
Sumasamo sa lahat ng nagmamahal.
Narito ang pangarap. narito ang mithi.
At habang naaaninag ko
ang pagsayaw ng kulay,
sa iyong mukha. hindi ko
mapigilang isipin.
narito nga.
narito nga.
You know I never liked my handwriting. But you don't care about that. What you care about is what I write. What I care about is what you think of what I write. You were not that hard to please but you were the one I most wanted to please. You actually think I'm a genius at this. I think that is just because you don't read much. Still, you made your praises sound believable. At one point, I no longer cared if you read the most intimate things I've written. Even the ones I wrote in gradeschool. You used the word "adorable". I can still see your face, You were trying so hard not to laugh, then I caught your eye, and really, there was nothing we cannot laugh about. I was certain, it was at that moment I knew I want to have you for keeps.
The thing I love most is it's just so easy to be me around you. I don't even know why. There was no need for pretensions, no masks, no walls. It's, you know, nice.
I miss you sometimes. Like when I did something I know you are going to be proud of. I climbed a mountain without complaining. I even tried rappelling. Or when I badly needed to laugh. Like now. I miss talking to you. I miss your opinions. I don't always like them but I love hearing them, no matter how unbelievable they may be. Even if they totally oppose mine. It's so fun to argue with you. Especially since we always end every argument as friends. Well, except that last one; I'm sorry about that. I really am. If only I'm not me, things would have worked out differently. But liked I said; you made me so comfortable, there was no other way but to be me. So here it goes: cue rainfall. We have to hide the tears. Stronger downpour this time.
********************
then for that other boy at the other side of the city
Natitiyak ko
sa iyong mga mata isinilang
ang lungsod na ito.
Isa akong lagalag na hinahanap
at dito ako napadpad.
wala na akong balak umalis.
ayoko ko nang umalis.
Lisanin man ang bayang ito ng mga
nnangangarap na kanyang inampon
at kinalinga. hindi ako tutulad
sa kanila.
paano ko iiwan ang bayang ito
kung ito ang kapitolyo ng pag-ibig,
ang tahanan ng tuwa,
silangan ng awit at tula?
Balot man sa putik at alikabok
lango man sa gutom at pawis
kaaya-aya pa rin ang ngiti.
Lalo na sa dapit-hapon
tuwing umaawit ang baybayin.
Sumasamo sa lahat ng nagmamahal.
Narito ang pangarap. narito ang mithi.
At habang naaaninag ko
ang pagsayaw ng kulay,
sa iyong mukha. hindi ko
mapigilang isipin.
narito nga.
narito nga.
Friday, July 25, 2008
This is learning too.
Hundreds of students walked out of their classrooms last friday in protest against everything about the Arroyo government. Mainly, they're crying out against the oil-deregulation law, R-vat and the high cost of education. I am not really doing anything that day, so I walked in on them.
Sceptics would say some of these kids are just doing it for fun, you know, trip lang; then let me tell you this, there is nothing fun in walking under the 2pm sun from UST to Plaza Miranda. Remember, this is a generation raised in convenience. Why read when you can search the net? Why use the landline when you can text? Instant noodles, instant messaging, instant everything. Why be there when you can stroll in an air-conditioned mall? Being there is not convenient for them. Them being there is already impressive.
The police estimated the crowd to be around 200. I think it was way more than that. The whole stretch of Morayta was almost full of people. But I must say, they are still not that many, especially if you compare them to the crowd that watched the UAAP opening live. I think they have to work more to awaken other students fire. But for now, atleast they are watching; atleast, they are noticing.
So this is the run down of their program. The music of ethnioc durms is contiually playing at the background. Some artists made the stage backdrop on the spot with the face of Gloria with worms, then there was a lot of chanting lead by three people from different youth organizations. There was roll-call of schools that were present and each school representative said a line or two. There was a performance by the UP Repertory, a number by a group of Filipino-Americans and a rock band, a militant rock band. Some speeches by key person, the most notable being Rep. Satur Ocampo, and then more chanting. So it isn't that different from any school programs I've been to. Heck, it's defenitely more entertaining than a lot of school presentations and far more educational than some of my class lectures.
I know waht a lot of people are saying, especially the elders ones. These kids shouldn't be on the streets, they should be in their classrooms studying. They are wasting their parents' money. But these kids are right, this is learning too. And what they can learn here is far more important than what they can learn inside a classroom. For one thing, it teaches them to care beyond themselves, to care what is happening to their country; not just to get a degree and ditch the country for good, which is ofcourse what most parents want them to do. It opens their eyes and minds to the injustices that are prevalent in this country and then teach them that they can do something about it. The UP Repertory said it: nothing is going to happen is we just cope and cope with the problem, we had been hoping since spanish times yet our situation is still the same. We should solve the problem and demand our officials to find ways to solve it.
I remember one catty remark from a grandmother a few months back while a group of student protesters were passing the jeepney we are in, she said " What the hell these kids are doing; do they think if they are the president, they can do something?" Ofcourse, she is the same grandmother whines everyday because of their cursed poverty. As to her question, what the heck, the economist can't do anything about maybe these kids can. After all, they still have their values intact. And most importantly, they still believe that this country can be save, that this country is worthy to be saved. Right now, they are taking their sentiments to the streets; calling on their fellow students and urging their elders; we have a problem, we have to do something about it, we can't just roll over and die.
Ofcourse, rallies and protest actions are not the solution to the problem. At the very best they are publicity stunts so that other people, especially those in power, will give attention to the problem. They also serve as a form of check and balance so that officials will know that the public is watching their every move and always ready to cry "foul" if their actions do not benefit the public. It is democracy at work.
For these, student-protestors; the streets are equal to their other classrooms. Just like in ordinary classrooms; the true test if you learned something is when you apply what you learned in the real world. You are fighting against corruption, you want the thieves and the hooligans to leave the government. You don't like selfish officials; more so dishonest, immoral ones. Then be the opposite of those people you are against. You're disgusted by the partisan selection of government appointees; when it is time for you to select your leaders, select them well, moreover educate others on how to select well. Imbibe the virtues that our politicians have forgotten. Lead not just with your words but also with your actions. Study, it is the responsible thing to do and it is what is expected of you. After all you are demanding government leaders to be responsible and to do the job that is expected of them. Especially in these hard times, study harder. So that somehow, someday; when you are ripe and have completed your learning, maybe you can find the way to save this country; beyond crying out in the street.
p.s.
I just can't help thinking, if that number of people fought for anti-smoking, then it would truly be revolutionary. just a thought.
Sceptics would say some of these kids are just doing it for fun, you know, trip lang; then let me tell you this, there is nothing fun in walking under the 2pm sun from UST to Plaza Miranda. Remember, this is a generation raised in convenience. Why read when you can search the net? Why use the landline when you can text? Instant noodles, instant messaging, instant everything. Why be there when you can stroll in an air-conditioned mall? Being there is not convenient for them. Them being there is already impressive.
The police estimated the crowd to be around 200. I think it was way more than that. The whole stretch of Morayta was almost full of people. But I must say, they are still not that many, especially if you compare them to the crowd that watched the UAAP opening live. I think they have to work more to awaken other students fire. But for now, atleast they are watching; atleast, they are noticing.
So this is the run down of their program. The music of ethnioc durms is contiually playing at the background. Some artists made the stage backdrop on the spot with the face of Gloria with worms, then there was a lot of chanting lead by three people from different youth organizations. There was roll-call of schools that were present and each school representative said a line or two. There was a performance by the UP Repertory, a number by a group of Filipino-Americans and a rock band, a militant rock band. Some speeches by key person, the most notable being Rep. Satur Ocampo, and then more chanting. So it isn't that different from any school programs I've been to. Heck, it's defenitely more entertaining than a lot of school presentations and far more educational than some of my class lectures.
I know waht a lot of people are saying, especially the elders ones. These kids shouldn't be on the streets, they should be in their classrooms studying. They are wasting their parents' money. But these kids are right, this is learning too. And what they can learn here is far more important than what they can learn inside a classroom. For one thing, it teaches them to care beyond themselves, to care what is happening to their country; not just to get a degree and ditch the country for good, which is ofcourse what most parents want them to do. It opens their eyes and minds to the injustices that are prevalent in this country and then teach them that they can do something about it. The UP Repertory said it: nothing is going to happen is we just cope and cope with the problem, we had been hoping since spanish times yet our situation is still the same. We should solve the problem and demand our officials to find ways to solve it.
I remember one catty remark from a grandmother a few months back while a group of student protesters were passing the jeepney we are in, she said " What the hell these kids are doing; do they think if they are the president, they can do something?" Ofcourse, she is the same grandmother whines everyday because of their cursed poverty. As to her question, what the heck, the economist can't do anything about maybe these kids can. After all, they still have their values intact. And most importantly, they still believe that this country can be save, that this country is worthy to be saved. Right now, they are taking their sentiments to the streets; calling on their fellow students and urging their elders; we have a problem, we have to do something about it, we can't just roll over and die.
Ofcourse, rallies and protest actions are not the solution to the problem. At the very best they are publicity stunts so that other people, especially those in power, will give attention to the problem. They also serve as a form of check and balance so that officials will know that the public is watching their every move and always ready to cry "foul" if their actions do not benefit the public. It is democracy at work.
For these, student-protestors; the streets are equal to their other classrooms. Just like in ordinary classrooms; the true test if you learned something is when you apply what you learned in the real world. You are fighting against corruption, you want the thieves and the hooligans to leave the government. You don't like selfish officials; more so dishonest, immoral ones. Then be the opposite of those people you are against. You're disgusted by the partisan selection of government appointees; when it is time for you to select your leaders, select them well, moreover educate others on how to select well. Imbibe the virtues that our politicians have forgotten. Lead not just with your words but also with your actions. Study, it is the responsible thing to do and it is what is expected of you. After all you are demanding government leaders to be responsible and to do the job that is expected of them. Especially in these hard times, study harder. So that somehow, someday; when you are ripe and have completed your learning, maybe you can find the way to save this country; beyond crying out in the street.
p.s.
I just can't help thinking, if that number of people fought for anti-smoking, then it would truly be revolutionary. just a thought.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Peace, Love and Go USTe!
Ahh... the drumbeats of school spirit are still banging in my head. I like.
Bhubhu and I watched the UAAP opening last Saturday at Araneta. I wasn't that excited at first, I mean I've watched nearly a dozen uaap openings, it is just an hour long of dance performances, a few speeches, the parade of players and their awkward pledge of something (sportsmanship?), and UST receiving the trophies for junior and senior over-all championship. Good thing UST would be playing in the second game. Mostly, I'm just thrilled to see Araneta for the first time. (I know, it's so probinsyana but until Bhubhu went to UP, Quezon city was so foreign to me!)
Anyway, I totally did not anticipate the eight school bands being there. I know they would be there, it is the opening ceremonies afterall, I just did not expect how intense it was that they are all there( I'm not sure but I did not feel the presence of Ateneo). It was fun. The UE band was banging non-stop, the FEU cheerers were entertaining with their movements and it was totally fun to see the UP gallery imitating them(OK, including me, it was so cute!)
So, the ceremony started and I must say, it must be the best opening I've watched. It was totally smooth, no awkward moments, very entertaining and really innovative. So snap snaps for UP. (Bhubhu said it would have been more fun if they set the UP president on fire. She doesn't like her and her TOFI policies.) Anyway what I liked best were the parade of the players, which included players for different disciplines and not just basketball, and the pledge which is taped; effectively eliminating the awkwardness of reciting it live by someone who is not a good speaker in any way. But my favorite part is when they awarded the trophies to UST and the whole gallery went "go uste", that cheer has strong unifying powers. hehe.
Moving on to the first game, its FEU vs. Adamson. By this time, Bhubhu and I left the UP side and went to UST(we are totally going to have problems come cheer dance time.) I wanted to cheer for FEU since I know they are the better team but Bhubhu suggested to cheer for ADU, the underdogs for a change. I looked forward in imitating the FEU cheerers but I realized that I know the ADU chants better so Lets Go Falcons, Lets Go! It turned out to be an exciting game, FEU was leading for the most part then Adamson grabbed the lead on the fourth and it really looked like there would be an upset but FEU drilled a 3, ADU made some mistakes on dealing with it, seriously they should not have gone for a 3, a 2-point goal would be OK, after all everybody loves overtime. So FEU won, but still, it was very exciting; ADU deserves some snaps.
And now, my growling tigers entered the court. I really love this team. I don't have a crush in any one of them, but I love them.(OK, I think Mirza is handsome, not pretty boy like Ababou, but gwapo, model-gwapo, but that is a totally different discussion.) It was actually thrilling to see them. You see, it wasn't thrilling to see them in school, they're tall so you almost always notice them but it doesn't have the giddy effect. But then again, when I was in school they were not champions so they were not that popular and it was a different team really (their free-throw stats would definitely tell you they are a different team!) Anyway, the last time I watched a live game was in my first year so it was a really long time ago and in Makati Coliseum (I even had to drag my brother from his thesis so we can watch the game.) as I've said Araneta Cubao was not really part of my world. Argh...but it was so intense, I was shouting and moving for 2 hours straight. I don't think I have ever shouted that much my whole life. It's really different when you have the drum line behind you and a thousand or so people shouting with you, your adrenaline shoots up to the roof, unlike at home when it was just me and Bhubhu yelling at the TV, sometimes its just me. I want to do this again! Can't wait to do this again.
So, UE won. Big deal, they still would not win the championship anyway. But man, Jervy Cruz is really good. 26 points, no fouls, wow! Japs is doing better at free-throws and Ababou is really stepping up. But Mirza, hon, where were you? He made what, two points? I think he was the missing ingredient why UST lost. And Francis Allera, he reminds me of Vizcarra and Luanzon, he is not consistent and makes too much unnecessary fouls (then again, I am not a basketball expert), he is just, I don't know not at par with Ababou and Mark Canlas, I don't think he playing up to his full potential. I have yet to take him seriously. Argh, I hope he'll do better. I hope they would all do better. They did good, but they need to do better, a lot of teams are very strong this year. C'mon guys! More Roar!
and please, please, please do not lose twice to Lasalle or Ateneo and under no circumstances should you lose to UP, NU or ADU please. Just make us proud. Stay away from injuries and don't neglect your studies. It is so demoralizing when someone sits out a whole year because of academic problems. So make sure that doesn't happen again.
this piece totally lacks direction and continuity, I know. I don't care, I'm happy.
Bhubhu and I watched the UAAP opening last Saturday at Araneta. I wasn't that excited at first, I mean I've watched nearly a dozen uaap openings, it is just an hour long of dance performances, a few speeches, the parade of players and their awkward pledge of something (sportsmanship?), and UST receiving the trophies for junior and senior over-all championship. Good thing UST would be playing in the second game. Mostly, I'm just thrilled to see Araneta for the first time. (I know, it's so probinsyana but until Bhubhu went to UP, Quezon city was so foreign to me!)
Anyway, I totally did not anticipate the eight school bands being there. I know they would be there, it is the opening ceremonies afterall, I just did not expect how intense it was that they are all there( I'm not sure but I did not feel the presence of Ateneo). It was fun. The UE band was banging non-stop, the FEU cheerers were entertaining with their movements and it was totally fun to see the UP gallery imitating them(OK, including me, it was so cute!)
So, the ceremony started and I must say, it must be the best opening I've watched. It was totally smooth, no awkward moments, very entertaining and really innovative. So snap snaps for UP. (Bhubhu said it would have been more fun if they set the UP president on fire. She doesn't like her and her TOFI policies.) Anyway what I liked best were the parade of the players, which included players for different disciplines and not just basketball, and the pledge which is taped; effectively eliminating the awkwardness of reciting it live by someone who is not a good speaker in any way. But my favorite part is when they awarded the trophies to UST and the whole gallery went "go uste", that cheer has strong unifying powers. hehe.
Moving on to the first game, its FEU vs. Adamson. By this time, Bhubhu and I left the UP side and went to UST(we are totally going to have problems come cheer dance time.) I wanted to cheer for FEU since I know they are the better team but Bhubhu suggested to cheer for ADU, the underdogs for a change. I looked forward in imitating the FEU cheerers but I realized that I know the ADU chants better so Lets Go Falcons, Lets Go! It turned out to be an exciting game, FEU was leading for the most part then Adamson grabbed the lead on the fourth and it really looked like there would be an upset but FEU drilled a 3, ADU made some mistakes on dealing with it, seriously they should not have gone for a 3, a 2-point goal would be OK, after all everybody loves overtime. So FEU won, but still, it was very exciting; ADU deserves some snaps.
And now, my growling tigers entered the court. I really love this team. I don't have a crush in any one of them, but I love them.(OK, I think Mirza is handsome, not pretty boy like Ababou, but gwapo, model-gwapo, but that is a totally different discussion.) It was actually thrilling to see them. You see, it wasn't thrilling to see them in school, they're tall so you almost always notice them but it doesn't have the giddy effect. But then again, when I was in school they were not champions so they were not that popular and it was a different team really (their free-throw stats would definitely tell you they are a different team!) Anyway, the last time I watched a live game was in my first year so it was a really long time ago and in Makati Coliseum (I even had to drag my brother from his thesis so we can watch the game.) as I've said Araneta Cubao was not really part of my world. Argh...but it was so intense, I was shouting and moving for 2 hours straight. I don't think I have ever shouted that much my whole life. It's really different when you have the drum line behind you and a thousand or so people shouting with you, your adrenaline shoots up to the roof, unlike at home when it was just me and Bhubhu yelling at the TV, sometimes its just me. I want to do this again! Can't wait to do this again.
So, UE won. Big deal, they still would not win the championship anyway. But man, Jervy Cruz is really good. 26 points, no fouls, wow! Japs is doing better at free-throws and Ababou is really stepping up. But Mirza, hon, where were you? He made what, two points? I think he was the missing ingredient why UST lost. And Francis Allera, he reminds me of Vizcarra and Luanzon, he is not consistent and makes too much unnecessary fouls (then again, I am not a basketball expert), he is just, I don't know not at par with Ababou and Mark Canlas, I don't think he playing up to his full potential. I have yet to take him seriously. Argh, I hope he'll do better. I hope they would all do better. They did good, but they need to do better, a lot of teams are very strong this year. C'mon guys! More Roar!
and please, please, please do not lose twice to Lasalle or Ateneo and under no circumstances should you lose to UP, NU or ADU please. Just make us proud. Stay away from injuries and don't neglect your studies. It is so demoralizing when someone sits out a whole year because of academic problems. So make sure that doesn't happen again.
this piece totally lacks direction and continuity, I know. I don't care, I'm happy.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Hi blog! I miss you.
I am so sorry for abandoning you. I just got scared, this blogging thing makes me feel good and happy and it doesn't go well with my self-destructive theme. But the thing is, I really love writing and I really like blogging. So, I'm back and I promise to be faithful, I won't go astray again.
So Bheng posted in her blog why she writes. So it got me thinking, then an answer immediately popped in my head. I write so I won't go crazy.
So here I am again, trying not to go crazy.
So Bheng posted in her blog why she writes. So it got me thinking, then an answer immediately popped in my head. I write so I won't go crazy.
So here I am again, trying not to go crazy.