Thank you, Tigers!!!

It is that time of the year again when I ask myself how could I possibly survive eight months without UAAP basketball. Ofcourse I eventually move on but every year; from the second weekend of July till whenever the Tiger's season concludes, UAAP rules my world. It is my favorite event of every year, even more than Christmas. Now another season ends and it is time to say goodbye to the tigers that are graduating this year: Ababou, Mirza and Maliksi. I am finding it harder to say goodbye this year. I mean its Ababou and Mirza! They are my top two favorite tigers for the past three years.


Dylan Ababou is awesome this year. Bagging the MVP plum and carrying the team to the final four, he made the UST community proud by the leadership he showed on and off the court that I could only hope that his young teammates would follow in his example. He was expected to step up and he did not dissapoint. His game greatly improved thanks to the Smart Gilas training. It is noticeable that he moves differently from the rest of the team that got me thinking woun't it be great if Coach Toroman trains our team (of course, that would not happen.) I'm so excited for his future, he would be playing for the national team and I'll make sure to watch the Smart Gilas games. I hope we would do greater things for the flag than Cyrus showed this year. I can't say it enough, Ababou is awesome.


This is also Mirza's last year. Warning! I am going into fan girl mode!

I feel three years are not enough, for I am so fascinated with this guy. I can not even explain why I find him so attractive. I think its the eyes, and the cheekbones, and the mole above his lips, possibly even his nose. Last time I had a UAAP crush was on Cyrus Baguio and it was seven years ago. Cyrus have more or less been the standard in all my crushes and Mirza looks different from Cyrus. They just have different auras, so I'm really surprise with myself. I mean, if I would have a crush on an tiger(I don't see myself having crushes on another team, they may be cute but I still would not care.) the logical choice would be Dylan; because he is the best player, he is cute, smart and resposible with his studies(way more than Cyrus, I must say), plus, he looks clean which is the first thing I look for in a guy. While Khasim is unorthodoxically handsome, has a gangly frame and inconsistent game. But since 2007, I have been fond of Khasim. I think it started with his spectacular game during UST-DLSU rd. 2. Down by 12 points under the last two minutes, he provided firepower for the Tigers that enabled them to take the game into overtime and eventually win. My favorite part was when Jervy did a celebratory bump with him at tumalsik siya, kasi naman 1/3 lang ata si Khasim ng katawan ni Jervy; still he looked so cute as he laughed. His game was non-existent last year but this season he made-up for that. He was a good offensive support for Dylan, his free-throws improved and he wasn't so skinny anymore but it would help him if he would bulk up more. He had a good 1st round but his game dipped on the 2nd, I guess the opposing team learned how to defend him. He was really frustrated during the last minutes of the final four game with the eagles. His last UAAP game. He looked so sad, it was heart-breaking. Unlike Ababou, I don't know where I could watch Khasim next; I'm guessing PBL pero kailan ba palabas yun? He has to persevere, he's tall and has a good shooting touch, he needs to be more consistent in his game. I wholeheartedly the wish the best for him. And I really, really want to meet him and have a picture with him!!! Internet is so dissapointing there's hardly any info about him. During Cyrus' time there were loads of stuff for any stalker to consume including his plate number. Now, I cannot even find his birthdate or his course. Where are the super fans that is so willing to give out personal informations? I should not have deleted my friendster account, last two years I can still find Mirza's and I am also two degrees connected to a tiger; now I think his profile is set to private. Sumikat na kasi eh. I just want a picture with him and his signature on my ticket sa kanyang last game. Sya, tama na fan girl mode.

Moving on to next season, I think we would still be ok; we just have to learn defense. Jeric Teng is fantastic, I hope he won't have sophomore jinx because scoring wise he is now the leader of this team. Jeric Fortuna improved a lot. I thought a Tigers without Japs at the point would be a nightmare but he did a good job but ofcourse he needs command his team more, he is only 17 (so young, and he would be considered as a veteran next year) and he still have a lot to learn. Clark Bautista, my favorite rookie of '08, must be more consistent so he can fill in the scoring gap left by Ababou and Mirza. I know he plays the 2 guard spot but if he plays the point I think he would be destructive. Camus is good, konting aggresiveness pa. I hope Melo Afuang would step up big time and I wish Green would know how to shoot in point blank range and be more disciplined. And keep up the good free-throw shooting percentage!

I still consider this a good season despite the losing record. The team had an amazing start, a so-so middle then a bad finish; still good enough for final four. The opposing teams learned how to defend the tiger's offense and the tigers failed to adjust. The losing skid did come at the worst time but still the Tigers did more than what is expected of them. It was an exciting season, so, thank you Tigers!

I had an invitation to join a climb set on the same date as the final four match, and I just have to defer. Its possible na nagtatampo na sila, hindi nila maiintindihan. To them its just a basketball game but this is UAAP, its the UST Growling Tigers. There's no way I'm going to miss their last game. It's Ababou and Mirza. (And Maliksi but I only became aware of Maliksi this season and I'm not attached to him.)(It was a touching moment when they bowed to the UST gallery.) Yesterday, there is no where I would rather be than Araneta; not even on the top of the world.

*********

Plus, I memorised the UST Hymn just for these games and I want an oppurtunity to sing it. Now, I won't feel guilty na hindi ko alam ang school song ko whenever the other schools are singing their song because I can sing the UST Hymn proud and loud.

Escaping at Tarak Ridge

If you can call that escaping, mostly it brought me back to the version of me before all the shitty tings happen.

************


Getting off the jeepney from divisoria, in front of National Bookstore; it hit me, with the expenses I had to get ready for this climb, I could have bought all the books about Mr. Darcy. Am I really exchanging Darcy for mountaineering? Well for now, yes. I am sorry D, but my spirit needs this.


************

A background overview, last year I tagged along Rozza's field trip to Biak-na-bato which gave me a false convidence to go with Mona with her just-met friends (practically strangers) to go to Mt. Batulao. I love Batulao. During the climb, I seriously doubted whether I could still go home, but wow; it made me really, really happy. I haven't been that happy in a while. It was so awesome; the view, the stars, the exhaustion, the muscle pain, the people. I learned one thing very important in that experience: I can climb mountains too. Its totally out of character, even unthinkable given my medical history. I was slower than others, but I can do it too. With more experience, I can do it as well as they can too.

************


Woke up at 2am, I can't get up yet because my lola would just tell me to go back to sleep; so I just spent the time contemplating on what seems to be biggest adventure for this day: how to get to Cubao by 5am and find the 5star bus terminal without getting lost. I begged God to make a way for me to get there safely(see, I told you, mountaineering brings me back to the old me.) Thankfully, as we pass by Tito Jun's house, he was already up and he agreed to take me to Cubao. (Wow, answered prayers express, just like old times noh?) We still got lost, we passed by Edsa twice, but getting lost is so much more convenient when you're in a car. Finally; the 5star Terminal, I was not the last one to arrive. Good morning everyone!

...enjoy lang, no drama...
That would be my personal theme for this climb and with every step, I am leaving every trace of drama on the muddy road. With exception of the mud, I like this trail; it is filled with greenery and very shady. I keep seeing visions of a muddy highschool foundation day. It was freshman year, the creek beside the school overflowed; turning the school into mudlandia. While arguably there had been less mud during the foundation day, it had been raining then making the dried mud go soft again making our jogging pants every laundry woman's nightmare. Anyway, the memory I am seeing is me, with a clasmate walking through the driveway with the intention of going to Mcdo. There's a new McDonald's a few blocks away from the school and everyone in class is going there. I love it there, for all four years of highschool, it had been the ultimate meeting place and afterschool hang-out. Its sad it was closed down and turned into Jollibee. Oh well, atleast we get to keep the memories.

We are lagging behind. The beginners are surprisingly fast. He offered to carry my bag; I know from the mountain review I have read that we are nowhere near half point, how could he think I'm already tired? What would the others think? Sigh. Enjoy lang no drama, remember? From what I've gathered he doesn't normally offer help carrying bags; minsan lang 'to, might as well abuse, err humor him.

With the exception of my mother and my grandparents, he must be the kindest person to me. Sigh. I have to make sure that I don't become dependent on him. So far, I am doing fine, he lets me navigate the trail on my own; never telling me what to do or where to go. When I have doubts, he has a single reply: Kaya yan. It has to be said, he is a big help with boosting this self-confidence thing; still it assuring to know, that if ever madulas ako sa bangin kaya nya kong saluhin.

Back to the trail. As I have mentioned, may mga bangin; more like mini-bangin because are actually the path of the mini waterfalls. The waterfalls were mesmerizing. I remember, bus rides where I can see mini waterfalls going down the side of the mountain, ngayon pwede ko na silang hawakan. Cool, fresh water wow!
There are dead tress blocking the trail. I hate them for two reasons: it takes a lot of effort getting over them and the idea of a dead tree is so sad. But over all, I love the feeling that I seem to be in a the navel of a forest. Sa maraming puno mayroong dinosaur.

We had been trekking for hours, we are almost crawling. He said: Ang sarap ng feeling na hinihingal ka noh. Obviously, he never had asthma or had his lungs give up on him. It rained. Wow, its not like the mud isn't slippery enough. It also made it imposible for me to see with my glasses. But the rain also made the others pace slower so we no longer lagged behind and it gave us the most amazing rainbow I have ever seen. There's a kiss at the end of a rainbow, more precious than a pot of gold.


Originally, 3pm was the original "collapse time" but since we were still at the thick of the woods then, I only got to lay down by 5. My back, my sides, my legs feels so tired. My body feels like dipping into the earth. After changing, I am wearing four layers of clothing; then I notice a guy from the other group shirtless. Huh. Hindi nga pantay-pantay ang paggawa ni God sa skin ng tao. Oh well, buti na lang naimbento ang clothes. Dinner. Rozza was right; food taste better in the wilderness. Even with missing ingredients and over cooked pasta, the tuna macaroni tasted so good.

Socials. I wasn't wrong, his shoulders feels so nice to lean on to. We got voted King and Queen of the mountain. I saw that coming, I wanted to ask if it comes with a crown. I had never won anything with the title "Queen" before. But I just didn't react, nor did he. I did not expect a starry night on Tarak, but there seem to be a people power in the skies. I can't recognize any constellations though, it just looks like one big rally.

Fastforward to dawn. Its breathtaking. I miss watching the sun rise. How many years had it been, when I use to postpone sleep during bus rides just to witness it? It felt ages ago. I miss that "brand new day" feeling. There was a rock on the way to the summit where I rested for awhile after slipping, and its now one of my favorite places on earth. If you sit there, you would not want to go anywhere else.

Sigh, but I know, I have to go down sometime. The long trek down does not look inviting. I console myself with the thought that its easier getting down than going up. We had lunch by the Papaya river; I soaked my feet in, sigh water have amazing soothing properties. I don't know if it was just me but there seem to be more dead trees blocking the way than before or maybe I just did not remember them; maybe my memory blocked them out.

We reached Manang's house atlast, and the sweet bukojuice I have been craving since morning. We took a rest and had a few more photo ops. Some of the girls want to achieve the "jump shot" and I just have to wonder: where do they get that kind of energy?

Oh well, atleast we are finally going home. We did not have time to eat dinner so someone just bought instant noodle soup for everyone. That was really sweet. It rained really hard, good thing we are on our way to back to Manila. I did not expect to get any sleep during the ride. But it was surprisingly a short trip and after an hour we are back in Quezon City.

We got off at Aurora Boulevard and took a jeep to Taft. I have read stories about Aurora Blvd. and now I understand what it is all about. It is such a defining moment whenever fiction creeps in to my reality. Nonetheless, Aurora is a sad picture. It just looks forsaken.
Sigh. I never tought I would ever want to stretch Espana longer. But that is what was going through my mind during the jeepney ride. I guess I don't want to say goodbye yet. Perhaps its because I know there is something intangible, something I could never name that I could never take home with me(nor could he) and must be left behind at corner of Lacson and Espana. It does not really belong to either of us. Hay, good thing the sight of UST, though bathe in darkness never fails to stir up memories. I honestly wished Jona or JP, Meng or Kat would hail down the jeep and share the rest of the ride with me. It would be nice to have someone to talk to.

*******************


I have always had this fantasy: to sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world. Whenever I feel that life is sucking the life out of me, I envision my self on top of a mountain, letting out my barbaric yawp and immediately after; I would feel rejuvinated. All the worries and all the gloom are just particles that the air is driving away to be lost at the sea. But I haven't done it yet. There's something with the view from the top that makes me want to just be quiet. It is stunningly beautiful, it is a priviledge to see it. How can you go barbaric if that much beauty if in front of you? So I just sit there and marvel at it; breathing deeply, as if I can inhale all that glorious blue and greens. Someday, I would let out my barbaric yawp but it won't be because of quarter-life angst. It will be because I am so damn happy, I have to shout it to the whole world. That day will come, someday.

There had been numerous chances where I would question myself why I am getting into mountaineering, specially whenever I have to go over a tree but the answer is everywhere around me, it is even in the question itself. It is because of the trees that I get to hug, the rocks I climb onto, the dirt that clings on my shoes, the flowers that make me smile, the insects that keep us company, and the view that makes me feel so small and so lucky to be beholding it. Because of every breath I have to catch, every hurried beat of my heart. (oh that was a cheesy phrase but I dont know how to say without sounding like a boy band song.) Mountaineering also gave me people I am so grateful to have met. Most importantly, mountaineering woke up the sleeping voice in me that believes that I can do it too.

I can do it too.

Reality

It seems like there is no escaping it. Sigh.

Even my escape world (which no longer deserves to be called as such) had been infiltered by it. As much as I want to; I can not reality-proof it, because it is made up of real people. They are not sims characters so I could not manipulate their lives, naturally they are bound to encounter problems because they all have real lives. And so they affect my escape world. At least there is still gossip girl, i mean, forums about gossip girl.

I genuinely wish I could solve their problems. I recently realized I'm better at solving other people's concern than my own. But I barely know this people and I don't really want to intrude, except that I sort of promised someone that I would solve it. My exact words are: sabihin mo lang, susolusyunan ko. What prompted me to say that, I would never understand. He was terribly bothered by the complications that the main issue had spawned, he already has all sort of probplems as it is; maybe I want to lighten his load. So far, on my attempt to be super problem-solver; all I have done are to create a multiply account, post a comment and text the person involve in the main issue, subtly hinting to reconsider his decision. I am not doing a very good job.

What I need to do is to convince the others to just choose the easier mountain. Atleast, we would no longer have to worry about safety (which i think is someone's main concern; which in turn makes me feel a bit guilty because I know I'm the least physically coordinated among the group), but could still have all the escape that the mountains have to offer. Save the bigger adventures for when the group is more, umm... whole. If it can ever be whole again. The thing is I don't have the guts to say that, since I don't think I have the right to tell them what to do. Or I could risk proving that I am such a princess, I just have to get what I want. They would probably give in. I know they would give in because they know I get special treatment form someone that I am not suppose to have in the first place. Which makes me guilty all the more. Argh... escape worlds should be drama free!!!

I just want 2 stress-free days on the mountains, among the trees and under the great blue sky. Be awe-struck by the view and feel incredibly small. I just want to get away form the city, from reality, from me.

Para kay Rozza

Ikaw at Iyong mga Awit/ Ikaw ang Awit

Lagi mong yakap ang gitara at pinupuno ang bahay ng musika.
Hindi ka na nagkukuwento puwera sa gitarang hingahan ng sikreto.
Pag-ibig ang sinasambit ng awit at nagulat ako na may alam ka dito.

Pag-ibig
-taksil ang salita.
balot ng pait
ang melodiyang
nagpangako ng tamis.

Ngayong ikaw ay natutulog
At walang muwang pinanood,
may luhang nakaalpas sa iyong mata.
Batid kong ikaw mismo gustong makawala.

Palihim mong binubuksan ang tarangkahan
Ng bakuran ng iyong kainosentehan.
Balak mong hanapin ang mundo kung saan
Ang mga awitin ay walang katapusan.

Nagaalangan ako
kung dapat ba akong magtayo ng tore
sa paligid mo at panain
ang sinumang mangangahas
sumakop sa iyo.
o hayaan kang lumaboy
sa siyudad kung saan
ang magnanakaw at bayani
ay magkatabi sa daan.
Kung saan ang pag-ibig
Ay sa awit lang matatagpuan.

Takot ako na maligaw ka sa pasikot-sikot.
At di matagpuan ang mundong inaasam.

pero mas natatakot akong ‘di na marinig ang mga awit mo.

************
i wrote this sometime 2004, but i will always feel this way. always.

Dear Jona

Mabuhay! (channeling kirai here)

Welcome back sa pinakamaganda, pinakamasaya at pinakanakakalokang bansa sa buong mundo! I'm glad you got back safe and sound. JR told me na gusto ka munang solohin ng family mo and I totally understand, I know how much they missed you. But I miss you too and since I can't see you, I'm gonna resort back to my highschool ways and write you a letter! yey!

First of all, put your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder and give your self a big hug!(sana hinug mo talaga yung sarili mo kasi sayang naman ang effort ko). HUG!

So how are you? Tumaba ka na ba? Ako kasi tumaba na. Nacoconfuse nga yung utak ko tuwing tumitingin ako sa salamin eh. Si Kirai, normal ang katawan. Healthy looking na sya. Pero syempre feeling nya mataba pa rin sya kahit mas malaki na yung braso ko kaysa sa kanya. I don't know kung tumaba si Bheng. She looks ok. I don't think mukhang busog yung tyan nya. Si JP? I have no idea. Hindi ko pinagtutuunan ng pansin ang katawan nya. I'm guessing better than when he was sick.

Oh my gosh, nakwento ko na ba sayo? Nanlibre si JP ng sine! Nanood kami ng Twillight. Kasama namin si Kat and one of their 1st year classmates. Tapos kasama ko si Rozza. Medyo kasi nag-worry tungkol sa job nya, gumana kasi ang pag ka sarcastic, ayun nanlibre. Nakwento ko na ata to eh, pero ok lang. Parang mga feature stories lang tuwing All Saint's day, paulit-ulit every year. JP talaga, very ghostly.

Nag-exchange gifts kami nung christmas! Ang theme namin: Something Nakaw. This is how it started: Bheng and I were chatting over ym. Sabi nya she wants to do something for christmas, kahit simple lang. So yun, exchange gifts tapos she jokingly suggested na something nakaw; nag-game ako tapos kami na rin nagdecide kung pano yung flow. Yna -> Kirai -> JP -> Bheng. Hindi kasama si Joma kasi as usual missing in action sya. Si JP, kj, gift nya kay Bheng yung book ni Atalia; binili nya sa powerbooks. Bheng gave me a her officemate's Lipton Tea coaster. Dpat daw kasama yung cup kaso may laman, alangan naman maghugas pa sya. I gave Kirai a poinsettia flower na kinuha ko sa christmas tree sa isang bangko. I stole from a bank! Tapos si Kirai wala pang gift kay JP, di pa kasi sila nagkikita. Dapat magkikita-kita kami sa reunion ng ca7, pero dahil tinamad ako at di ko macontact si Kirai di na ko pumunta. At dahil dun, nakatanggap ako ng isang mapaka-makabagbag-damdaming text mula kay JP. Ang sabi ng text, "Where the hell are you guys?" Grabe, parang narinig ko talaga si JP habang binabasa ko iyon, kaya di ko sya binura.

Pero alam mo ba ang hottest news ng christmas season? Hold onto something steady kasi tiyak na mapapatumbling ka sa balita ko. Better yet, ihanda mo na ang tumbling pose mo dahil sigurado naman na tutumbling ka. Ito na:

Si ML* may boyfriend.(name had been changed, you know who she is naman di ba?)

Yes, you read it right. BOYfriend. As in certified na boy.

Ito ang kwento. His name is Cris, sa harbour nya nakilala pero hindi na daw nagwowork dun. Nagkukulitan lang sila sa text at nagmwah-mwah sila dun. Tapos bumanat yung guy, kung in person ba daw ay ikikiss din sya ni ML at ang reply ni ML ay "why not!" Kaya ayun, one time magkasama sila sa orange jeep ay hiningi ni guy ang kiss at binigay naman ni ML. Ayun sila na.

Pero break na sila ngayon. Nakita ni ML sa friendster ni guy na interested in dating men and women ang papa nya. kaya ayun break. I guess gusto nyang gayahin si ML at itry din ang ibang options, malay natin sa susunod ineterested in dating animals naman si loko. Hay... madami talagang sinisirang relasyon ang friendster. Kaya nga binura ko na yung akin eh.

eh ikaw? Kamusta ang love life? Aktibo pa ba ang bulkan? Si JP... he had always been secretive pero have you checked out his blog lately? may something sa entry nya pero as usual walang details but there's definitely something. Bheng is living happily ever after. She is shifting careers at medyo stressful ito pero pagdating sa lovelife okey na okey sya.

And me...ahh me... I'm into DB more than ever. I know little about him, but I love everything I know about him. I like the sound of his voice. Nagbabaaon sya ng lunch sa office. He is generally polite and accomodating. He has nice shoulders.
I lost interest in him some months ago and there were a lot of drama on my part which I am going to spare you from because I don't want any proof of it. Then, I felt like someone slap me on the face. I overheard his boss setting him up on with some girl. I first thought: Woah! He is so single, his boss is actually setting him up on a date. Then I thought, what if he called her, then they went on a date. Ofcourse, she will fall for him. She cannot possibly resist his heavenly smile. Then, what if he settles and they end up together, and even have a nice life.

It would be nice. but it won't be GREAT. because it wouldn't be with me!

Girl, tama ako di ba?

And with love, we have to aspire for something great, we can't just settle for the mundane, the easy or the readily available. It wouldn't be love at all. I know its silly that I'm talking about love, but that is the biggest thing I like about him; for once, I can just be a silly girl. A simple silly girl who is not worrying about the world. Minsan kasi nakakapagod din problemahin ang mundo. Ayun.

Siblings Update!

Rozza had gone back to her capitalistic origins and had finally made peace with the fact that communism wont work with her. She loves Mcdonalds too much. May bago syang racket, customized painted shoes. For 500php, you get awesome sneakers. And JR, hay nako, si JR. Ang corny ng kapatid mo dude. Kapatid mo nga. But I try to look past that, he is a really nice kid and he misses his ate so much. All he really wants is for your family to stay together. But don't tell him I told you this, you know teenage boys, not comfortable sharing their emotions. hehe, umuwi ka lang, he'll be fine.

So there, I have already used up two leaves of notebook. I hope you enjoy your stay here. Enjoy your family, they missed you a lot. And girl, lagi kang mag-iingat dun ha! para bumalik ka sa min.


Always,

Bukopie

This is for him.

...apparently things are not yet over.

December Chill

The city is freezing.
And your stare
killed the last
flicker of fire.


********
i'm way behind my blog entries, i know.

Chronicles of Dollar Boy: The Last Edition

Palaging May Ulan ang Pamamaalam

Palaging may ulan ang pamamaalam
Kaya binabaha ng lungkot ang lungsod
Ng pananandaliang pagsasama’t lugod.

Huwag kang lilingon at baka malusaw
Ng asin ang mithing pagbabagong-loob.
Palaging may ulan ang pamamaalam
Kaya binabaha ng lungkot ang lungsod.

Bangkay na lulutang ang panghihinayang
Ngayong nalunod na ang lahat ng pusok
At kuyom sa dibdib ang basang alabok.
Palaging may ulan ang pamamaalam
Kaya binabaha ng lungkot ang lungsod
Ng panandaliang pagsasama’t lugod.
-Michael M. Coroza


So, it's over. I just hate that this poem seems to be always speaking to me. I'm gonna miss feeling like that. And right now, I just don't know anyone who smiles at me the way he does.

The Sounds of School Spirit

I wrote this stuff a year ago...

"Natalo ang UST sa Ateneo noong Linggo. Tapos na ang season nila sa UAAP. Ang mahirap lang sa UAAP, kada taon, may manlalaro na nagpapaalam. Hindi mo alam kung mapapanood mo pa ulit sila maglaro. Makapaglaro man sila sa ibang liga, hindi mo na rin sila ganoon ka-gusto kasi hindi naman na sila naglalaro para sa unibersidad mo. Hay..."


I wrote all that because I thought Japs Cuan would be graduating that year. So, now I am feeling all that again because Japs would be graduating this year. And five other players, if you can imagine that. Arrgh... So there was no way I am going to miss their last game. I just have to watch their game live. Then I found out it was scheduled the same day as the admu-dlsu game. Shit.

As in all Ateneo-Lasalle game, tickets are rarer than gold. That's what the hype make it out but in reality, there are still a lot gen. ad available and that is good enough for me. After all, I don't need to see the players up close, I already know what they looked like.

When we entered the coliseum, it was clearly divided between two colors; green and blue. Now, something is really wrong with our democracy when there are four teams playing and the tickets were bought by just two camps. But I am not going to delve into that because they are already having a lot of mileage, like the whole country cares or something. Anyway, there they were, my UST Growling Tigers warming up. Sigh. And there was my other UAAP favorite, the UST Yellow Jackets.

I am not going to try to review the game but I am going to say this; I don't think I would ever outgrow watching a UAAP game, well a Growling Tigers game in particular. I just love this team. I think its because they keep me connected to my school and everytime I watch a game, I get to be a college kid again.

The only hard part is when players graduate. I am not against it, I just think it is sad, you get attach to them somehow and right now, it seems unthinkable to find a decent replacement for Jervy Cruz. He could possibly the best amateur player in the country. The pressure would definitely double for Mirza and Ababou. And oh my gulay, a UST without Japs. When I was in highschool, I was already a UAAP fan and Japs was already playing for the juniors team. They always show the juniors champinoship game so I was already familiar with him. Now, he played his last game for UST. He is really a good leader, the stability he brings to the team is very important and we all have to admit, he improved his free throws a great deal. Sigh. I just know, I would miss him being in the team. Heck, I still miss the Gelig-Baguio tanden.

There's one good thing about being a fan, you don't graduate from it. After all, it was never about the players, it had always been about the school spirit.

The Truth with Slippers

We went to the truth festival last Friday so expect this entry to contain only the truth and nothing but the truth.

In taking long walks, rubber slippers are very comfortable but they can give up on you. After all, we are talking about really long walks here, say, from the World Trade Center to Vito Cruz-Taft.Now, when your slipper snaps; don't panic.It helps if a friend is with you when this happens. That way, he can tell you that it will be ok. Hopefully, he knows the secret of keys. Do you know that keys are important in saving the world? Well, at the very least, they saved me from walking home bare-foot.

I won't tell you the secret of keys though, because it is something you should discover yourself. Just remember to keep keys in handy wherever you go.

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More truth

I am now finished with my portfolio, so all I have to do is to write my kick-ass application letter. And man, I am having trouble with it. I think I am pressuring it too much; labelling it as "kick-ass" but you know, I was never good in writing formal letters. They are, you know, formal and I don't sound like me whenever I write formal stuffs. It's like I'm faking it or something. Like I'm pretending. Arggh! I really want to write that application letter and I want it to kick-ass because I really, really want that job! I want that career. I want that life!

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Moving on to glass slippers

Watching Cinderella was just lovely. It is surely going to be one of my treasured memories. I was trying to watch it from a little girl's point of you. Wow. I have seen the movie version of this play but it paled compared to this. It was really good, the production design was really good and I love those songs. Sigh. And the moon during the ball, is like the most whimsical thing I have ever seen. Th face of the moon had dancing partners on it. That is such a romantic thought.

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And lastly, as I have discovered lately, it is difficult to tell the truth when there are a lot of things you don't want to say.

YIPEE!!!

I now have my chocolatier 2!!!

Love it!
Many thanks to Jona and JR!!!

So now, I have to think of another thing that I really, really want.

City Boy Crazy

Whenever I try to write our story, it always ends with rain. I may not know where to begin but I've always known its ending. Cue rainfall. Soft but steady downpour. The romantic in me is convinced it started with a smile but I know it started with a very nasty generalization. But whatever, it doesn't matter now. What matters is this: Me, right now, staring at a paragraph of my own handwriting; writing about you.

You know I never liked my handwriting. But you don't care about that. What you care about is what I write. What I care about is what you think of what I write. You were not that hard to please but you were the one I most wanted to please. You actually think I'm a genius at this. I think that is just because you don't read much. Still, you made your praises sound believable. At one point, I no longer cared if you read the most intimate things I've written. Even the ones I wrote in gradeschool. You used the word "adorable". I can still see your face, You were trying so hard not to laugh, then I caught your eye, and really, there was nothing we cannot laugh about. I was certain, it was at that moment I knew I want to have you for keeps.

The thing I love most is it's just so easy to be me around you. I don't even know why. There was no need for pretensions, no masks, no walls. It's, you know, nice.

I miss you sometimes. Like when I did something I know you are going to be proud of. I climbed a mountain without complaining. I even tried rappelling. Or when I badly needed to laugh. Like now. I miss talking to you. I miss your opinions. I don't always like them but I love hearing them, no matter how unbelievable they may be. Even if they totally oppose mine. It's so fun to argue with you. Especially since we always end every argument as friends. Well, except that last one; I'm sorry about that. I really am. If only I'm not me, things would have worked out differently. But liked I said; you made me so comfortable, there was no other way but to be me. So here it goes: cue rainfall. We have to hide the tears. Stronger downpour this time.

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then for that other boy at the other side of the city


Natitiyak ko
sa iyong mga mata isinilang
ang lungsod na ito.

Isa akong lagalag na hinahanap
at dito ako napadpad.
wala na akong balak umalis.
ayoko ko nang umalis.

Lisanin man ang bayang ito ng mga
nnangangarap na kanyang inampon
at kinalinga. hindi ako tutulad
sa kanila.

paano ko iiwan ang bayang ito
kung ito ang kapitolyo ng pag-ibig,
ang tahanan ng tuwa,
silangan ng awit at tula?
Balot man sa putik at alikabok
lango man sa gutom at pawis
kaaya-aya pa rin ang ngiti.

Lalo na sa dapit-hapon
tuwing umaawit ang baybayin.
Sumasamo sa lahat ng nagmamahal.
Narito ang pangarap. narito ang mithi.

At habang naaaninag ko
ang pagsayaw ng kulay,
sa iyong mukha. hindi ko
mapigilang isipin.
narito nga.
narito nga.

This is learning too.

Hundreds of students walked out of their classrooms last friday in protest against everything about the Arroyo government. Mainly, they're crying out against the oil-deregulation law, R-vat and the high cost of education. I am not really doing anything that day, so I walked in on them.

Sceptics would say some of these kids are just doing it for fun, you know, trip lang; then let me tell you this, there is nothing fun in walking under the 2pm sun from UST to Plaza Miranda. Remember, this is a generation raised in convenience. Why read when you can search the net? Why use the landline when you can text? Instant noodles, instant messaging, instant everything. Why be there when you can stroll in an air-conditioned mall? Being there is not convenient for them. Them being there is already impressive.

The police estimated the crowd to be around 200. I think it was way more than that. The whole stretch of Morayta was almost full of people. But I must say, they are still not that many, especially if you compare them to the crowd that watched the UAAP opening live. I think they have to work more to awaken other students fire. But for now, atleast they are watching; atleast, they are noticing.

So this is the run down of their program. The music of ethnioc durms is contiually playing at the background. Some artists made the stage backdrop on the spot with the face of Gloria with worms, then there was a lot of chanting lead by three people from different youth organizations. There was roll-call of schools that were present and each school representative said a line or two. There was a performance by the UP Repertory, a number by a group of Filipino-Americans and a rock band, a militant rock band. Some speeches by key person, the most notable being Rep. Satur Ocampo, and then more chanting. So it isn't that different from any school programs I've been to. Heck, it's defenitely more entertaining than a lot of school presentations and far more educational than some of my class lectures.

I know waht a lot of people are saying, especially the elders ones. These kids shouldn't be on the streets, they should be in their classrooms studying. They are wasting their parents' money. But these kids are right, this is learning too. And what they can learn here is far more important than what they can learn inside a classroom. For one thing, it teaches them to care beyond themselves, to care what is happening to their country; not just to get a degree and ditch the country for good, which is ofcourse what most parents want them to do. It opens their eyes and minds to the injustices that are prevalent in this country and then teach them that they can do something about it. The UP Repertory said it: nothing is going to happen is we just cope and cope with the problem, we had been hoping since spanish times yet our situation is still the same. We should solve the problem and demand our officials to find ways to solve it.

I remember one catty remark from a grandmother a few months back while a group of student protesters were passing the jeepney we are in, she said " What the hell these kids are doing; do they think if they are the president, they can do something?" Ofcourse, she is the same grandmother whines everyday because of their cursed poverty. As to her question, what the heck, the economist can't do anything about maybe these kids can. After all, they still have their values intact. And most importantly, they still believe that this country can be save, that this country is worthy to be saved. Right now, they are taking their sentiments to the streets; calling on their fellow students and urging their elders; we have a problem, we have to do something about it, we can't just roll over and die.

Ofcourse, rallies and protest actions are not the solution to the problem. At the very best they are publicity stunts so that other people, especially those in power, will give attention to the problem. They also serve as a form of check and balance so that officials will know that the public is watching their every move and always ready to cry "foul" if their actions do not benefit the public. It is democracy at work.

For these, student-protestors; the streets are equal to their other classrooms. Just like in ordinary classrooms; the true test if you learned something is when you apply what you learned in the real world. You are fighting against corruption, you want the thieves and the hooligans to leave the government. You don't like selfish officials; more so dishonest, immoral ones. Then be the opposite of those people you are against. You're disgusted by the partisan selection of government appointees; when it is time for you to select your leaders, select them well, moreover educate others on how to select well. Imbibe the virtues that our politicians have forgotten. Lead not just with your words but also with your actions. Study, it is the responsible thing to do and it is what is expected of you. After all you are demanding government leaders to be responsible and to do the job that is expected of them. Especially in these hard times, study harder. So that somehow, someday; when you are ripe and have completed your learning, maybe you can find the way to save this country; beyond crying out in the street.

p.s.

I just can't help thinking, if that number of people fought for anti-smoking, then it would truly be revolutionary. just a thought.

Peace, Love and Go USTe!

Ahh... the drumbeats of school spirit are still banging in my head. I like.

Bhubhu and I watched the UAAP opening last Saturday at Araneta. I wasn't that excited at first, I mean I've watched nearly a dozen uaap openings, it is just an hour long of dance performances, a few speeches, the parade of players and their awkward pledge of something (sportsmanship?), and UST receiving the trophies for junior and senior over-all championship. Good thing UST would be playing in the second game. Mostly, I'm just thrilled to see Araneta for the first time. (I know, it's so probinsyana but until Bhubhu went to UP, Quezon city was so foreign to me!)

Anyway, I totally did not anticipate the eight school bands being there. I know they would be there, it is the opening ceremonies afterall, I just did not expect how intense it was that they are all there( I'm not sure but I did not feel the presence of Ateneo). It was fun. The UE band was banging non-stop, the FEU cheerers were entertaining with their movements and it was totally fun to see the UP gallery imitating them(OK, including me, it was so cute!)

So, the ceremony started and I must say, it must be the best opening I've watched. It was totally smooth, no awkward moments, very entertaining and really innovative. So snap snaps for UP. (Bhubhu said it would have been more fun if they set the UP president on fire. She doesn't like her and her TOFI policies.) Anyway what I liked best were the parade of the players, which included players for different disciplines and not just basketball, and the pledge which is taped; effectively eliminating the awkwardness of reciting it live by someone who is not a good speaker in any way. But my favorite part is when they awarded the trophies to UST and the whole gallery went "go uste", that cheer has strong unifying powers. hehe.

Moving on to the first game, its FEU vs. Adamson. By this time, Bhubhu and I left the UP side and went to UST(we are totally going to have problems come cheer dance time.) I wanted to cheer for FEU since I know they are the better team but Bhubhu suggested to cheer for ADU, the underdogs for a change. I looked forward in imitating the FEU cheerers but I realized that I know the ADU chants better so Lets Go Falcons, Lets Go! It turned out to be an exciting game, FEU was leading for the most part then Adamson grabbed the lead on the fourth and it really looked like there would be an upset but FEU drilled a 3, ADU made some mistakes on dealing with it, seriously they should not have gone for a 3, a 2-point goal would be OK, after all everybody loves overtime. So FEU won, but still, it was very exciting; ADU deserves some snaps.

And now, my growling tigers entered the court. I really love this team. I don't have a crush in any one of them, but I love them.(OK, I think Mirza is handsome, not pretty boy like Ababou, but gwapo, model-gwapo, but that is a totally different discussion.) It was actually thrilling to see them. You see, it wasn't thrilling to see them in school, they're tall so you almost always notice them but it doesn't have the giddy effect. But then again, when I was in school they were not champions so they were not that popular and it was a different team really (their free-throw stats would definitely tell you they are a different team!) Anyway, the last time I watched a live game was in my first year so it was a really long time ago and in Makati Coliseum (I even had to drag my brother from his thesis so we can watch the game.) as I've said Araneta Cubao was not really part of my world. Argh...but it was so intense, I was shouting and moving for 2 hours straight. I don't think I have ever shouted that much my whole life. It's really different when you have the drum line behind you and a thousand or so people shouting with you, your adrenaline shoots up to the roof, unlike at home when it was just me and Bhubhu yelling at the TV, sometimes its just me. I want to do this again! Can't wait to do this again.

So, UE won. Big deal, they still would not win the championship anyway. But man, Jervy Cruz is really good. 26 points, no fouls, wow! Japs is doing better at free-throws and Ababou is really stepping up. But Mirza, hon, where were you? He made what, two points? I think he was the missing ingredient why UST lost. And Francis Allera, he reminds me of Vizcarra and Luanzon, he is not consistent and makes too much unnecessary fouls (then again, I am not a basketball expert), he is just, I don't know not at par with Ababou and Mark Canlas, I don't think he playing up to his full potential. I have yet to take him seriously. Argh, I hope he'll do better. I hope they would all do better. They did good, but they need to do better, a lot of teams are very strong this year. C'mon guys! More Roar!

and please, please, please do not lose twice to Lasalle or Ateneo and under no circumstances should you lose to UP, NU or ADU please. Just make us proud. Stay away from injuries and don't neglect your studies. It is so demoralizing when someone sits out a whole year because of academic problems. So make sure that doesn't happen again.

this piece totally lacks direction and continuity, I know. I don't care, I'm happy.

Hi blog! I miss you.

I am so sorry for abandoning you. I just got scared, this blogging thing makes me feel good and happy and it doesn't go well with my self-destructive theme. But the thing is, I really love writing and I really like blogging. So, I'm back and I promise to be faithful, I won't go astray again.

So Bheng posted in her blog why she writes. So it got me thinking, then an answer immediately popped in my head. I write so I won't go crazy.

So here I am again, trying not to go crazy.

1027 kilometers south of Manila

I honestly don't know how to start. I am still overwhelmed. They said a picture paints a thousand words, but since I lost all my photos it seems I also lost all the words to describe what I've seen and what I have felt when I saw them.

I guess I'll start with how much Leyte means to me. Leyte was the promised land. Ever since I was old enough to take care of myself, Daddy Tatay had promised a trip home to Leyte. Daddy Tatay was born and raised in Carigara, Leyte while Mommy Nanay's parents, though they met in Pampanga are both from Leyte, specifically Baybay and Carigara. Half of my roots are from Leyte. Iv'e got a barangay full of relatives there. More than that, Leyte was the setting of my Daddy Tatay's beloved tales and for me it would be like visiting Nick Joaquin's Manila or C.S. Lewis' Narnia. I've always wanted to come home.

The coconut nut is a giant nut.

What can I say, it was coconut galore. Coconuts probably outnumber any other trees when it comes to tree population. And they are so tall! but the amazing thing about it is no matter how tall they are, people still climb them to get thier fruits. You can tell that because of the crevices on their trunks that coconut climbers use so they can climb the tree. Oh and they also don't safety belts or safety nets or any kind of safety devices.

The lands that my fathers tilled

I saw rice fields in different stages. Some are just being prepared for planting, the carabao (a real live one, no longer in pictures!(Bettina called them the caraboos)) doing the work he is most famous for. Some have been newly planted while some have been planted for about a month or so. Most of the fields have tall rice stalks and are nearly ready for harvest. But the fields ready for harvest are the most enchanting of them all. Golden fields. They look like hope. They look like happiness.

Lolo Ben took us on a tour around the field he and my Mommy Nanay inherited from their father. It had been said that their Lolo owns almost the whole Carigara but since he lost it in a bet, what was left was divided to all his 15 children. Anyway, now Mommy Nanay and Lolo Ben own a hectare of land. I know it looks like any other rice fields but I can't help feeling sentimental about it. It is sort of mine. Sort of, I mean I could only have a share in it if I go into agriculture and if our not-so-nice relatives don't use it for their own good. Actually, that was what they were doing before Lolo Ben stayed in Leyte and now they are trying to get drive him away. But whatever, the scene was really breath-taking. Everything just feels more alive. I got a cut from walking through a pineapple! That was fun, I proudly showed it to my mom.

On the side note, since we left all our stuffs in the van and group of kids hang out in it, I lost my make-up kit and my underwear pouch. I lost my newly bought panty, my 1 set of eye shadow which contains the white, pink and my favorite dark brown shade. I also lost my nude lipstick and my clinique lip gloss. I know it sounds totally shallow but I love that clinique lip gloss! It was the perfect lip gloss ever!!! (I cried a little, don't tell!)

Between the stars and waves

Lolo Ben's place is near the beach, but it is a rocky beach not like the white sandy ones pictured on posters. It really doesn't matter to me. It's the water that is important.

I always become speechless whenever I look at the sea. It makes me feel small, like humbled or something. I am awed by the sea but I'm also scared of it. In contrast, The sky dazzles me. I love its changing colors. and the stars, there are no stars that many in Manila. If I compare the sea and the sky to a person, the sea is like a mother and the sky, a playmate.

We spent the second day by the sea. The sea was so calm, there were hardly any waves but I got amused watching the small boats and learning how to skip rocks. By noon time, the water level had gone up and it reached the huge rocks on the beach. So I got an idea to lay down on the huge rock and feel like a dried fish. Actually, I think it was a very good spot to take model-y pictures or that it would feel very poet-like to sit on the rock be very deep and comtemplative. But mostly I think I just want to get a good tan. I think it was one of the best seats in the world. Especially during sunsets.

I remembered this children''s story; where as the sun was setting, God let all the colors out to play. So the world was bathed with all the colors, except for indigo who was left behind. I can't remember why it was left behind. Well, anyway, as a consolation; when all the other colors had gone back to sleep, God let Indigo play on Earth. So that's why the night is colored Indigo.

Leyte's sunset is filled with every shade of color. If my eyes could burp, it would. I can't remember how many times I have sighed. It was really so beautiful. It's the foremost reason why I would go back. When the had set, the stars started to appear. So did the lights from the island across, which also looks like stars on land. It also started to feel chilly. After dinner, Bianca and I chose to be left behind. There is no way her parents would let us go on the shore so we stayed by the edge of the dinner hall, barricaded by big rocks. By then we can now hear sea murmur with waves. I can't figure out how tell her everything about the Philippines in such a limited time, so I think I ended up telling her bits everything and nothing really. I remembered telling her about the legendary floods of UST, something about the stars (the are also no stars like those in Ohio), she asked about what Manila used to look like, so I guess I have to send her some Nick Joaquin's books to supplement whatever I told her.<,/br>

I shall return

On our way home, we stopped by the McArtur's Landing Monument. I totally don't believe that McArthur saved us from the Japanese. I think he almost came too late and I don't think he did that much, the Japanese were set to lose that war. But I guess I have to borrow his famous line. I have to go back and tour Leyte with Bhubhu. Take pictures, lots and lots of pictures. Stay at Lolo Ben's house, which is really charming in my opinion. Visit the market, the churches, the plazas. See more of Leyte, experience more of Leyte. Perhaps even have Leyte tales of my own.

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My heartfelt thanks to Tita Glen and Tito Benzon, Lola Paz and Lolo Ben.

Mama Mia!

Here you go again, mama, how can i resist you!

Me and mommy are playing dress up we took it up a notch and have a fashion shoot! Doesn't she look easy, breezy, beautiful covergirl?

This is my favorite...

Adik! ako na naman!

My chuzzle-playing habits are no longer healthy. I have to quit it. but...

How can I possibly quit them? They're so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another plate of chopsuey thoughts

I was suppose to write about my entries for the past year, I actually started composing one but i think a self-review of your own blog is a bad idea. I mean, that's just too self-involved. Let's not start the new year with that.
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I went to Pao yesterday. I am so in love with him. No one can cut my hair like he does. Or style it the way he do. I always feel instantly beautiful once he starts working on my hair. I think that is what all women need, someone who would always make them feel beautiful. I love him, I really don't mind if his boobs are bigger than mine.
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Last Monday, I rode an ordinary bus alone. It was exhilarating! I really enjoyed it. The wind on my face with just enough pressure not at all harsh. Everything just seemed bigger and clearer and more alive! I just want to share that.
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Oh, I made up another Dollar boy rule. Don't miss him too much. It's just crazy.
I saw him today. He no longer smiles at me. That is bad. But he still has that mischievous look in his eyes. Wait, I think it was still a smile but its no longer that special smile he had for me. But because of the new rule we are really not that affected. Plus, I know I looked hot so I don't care that much. I like the way he styled his hair today. I like hearing his voice. I still really like him!
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Last month I attended UP's Lantern Parade since Bhubhu is from fine arts and they are a big part of it. I must admit, it was more entertaining than UST Paskuhan. But of course Paskuhan's fireworks are better. But with the lantern parade, the whole event is worth watching and the host is totally bakya so the crowd can really connect.
I also watched Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo with Jean and Mona. This is the first time I watched a movie included in MMFF. Anyway, I think Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo was way funnier and the story more interesting. There are moments in SSS where they are trying hard to be funny.
I also watched Batanes earlier in the month with Bhubhu. The pace was so slow, they should just hurry to the parts where Ken Zhu is in. But the view was breath-taking. Batanes is so beautiful! I can't wait to get there.
I also went book shopping! Sometime last year, I made a list of the ten books I really, really love and was shocked half of books on that list were in the UST Library, I vowed to found those books and buy them. So I were really thrilled to see them in National Bookstore in Rob Place at very low prices! Plus, there was around five different titles about Mr. Darcy! It is now my favorite National Bookstore branch. So I bought three books; Sense and Sensibility, Catcher in the Rye and Mr. Darcy's Diary. Of course, I read Mr. Darcy's Diary first. I am a sucker for anything Mr. Darcy so I naturally like it. Though it relied too heavily on Pride and Prejudice and the diary format can be quite a stretch. but it was funny enough and entertaining enough. I can't help smiling on my favorite parts on the story. But I think if it isn't on a diary format, the other characters would be more alive. I like the Peebles character. I like the story of Sense and Sensibility but the characters of Pride and Prejudice are more endearing. But S and S was a riot! There were moments when I want to scream because of the bitch-yness of the events! Anyway, so I reread the Catcher in the Rye and since I were going through what Holden was talking about, I now fully understand why it is called Cather in the Rye.
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I am crazy about coffee prince! Since I am staying with my Lola and there is no cable tv here, only channel 7 gets a good reception so I am thankful for this show because it is the only thing decent on primetime.
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A Pa(g)salubong Festival was held at Bhubhu's dorm and I went because I want to get some pili nuts and dried dangit. I ended up drinking a shot of basi and lambanog. I also dug my bare hands in a lechon cebu and took home a bunch of food I don't know what or where they came from. But is was good! Except that I did not ate any dried dangit. But over all it was fun. I also met Bhubhu's friends who are just like her. They sing, dance and organize the whole thing. New favorite word: punong-abala.
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oh, just for the record, this holiday season was way better than last year! No dramas, no stress. It also helps that Bhubhu did most of the cooking and my mom is in a good mood.
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Thats all I can remember for now. oh wait, I just remembered to write about Lucky Son. I'm sleepy and he deserves an entry of his own anyway. I'll write about him next time.

A whole year of blogging!

Wow. This is definitely an achievement if you take into account my previous history in blogging, even compared to my diary-writing days. I have 25 entries for this year, I changed my layout twice and added some page elements. I still don't have a picture though. I meant to add one today but i changed my mind. The picture sort of don't fit in. I also meant to give an analysis on my blog entries and an account of the holidays but I'm already sleepy. I'll have to do it next time and by next time I most likely mean in 2008. Cheers!

He aint fat!

His barong is a little too big for him and that's what creating some bulges!